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Not sure what to do...

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  • Not sure what to do...

    Well in a previous post I said that my husband and I have decided to separate.. It was mutual because I have trust issues because he cheated on me a lot.. But now he wants to talk to me all day and is not letting me heal and he is still acting as if we are together well we are married but we have decided to separate like I said.. He is asking me who am I talking to what am I doing.. All day long.. I mean if you are trying to heal why would you talk like we are still together.. Like I'm not suppose to talk to anyone I mean I am not trying to date but yet he still acts this way:/ I do love him but acting this way is making me feel we are not broken up..
    Any thoughts???

  • That may be his goal. He is talking to you now, whereas before, he didn't want to be bothered. When is the last time he paid this much attention to you and wanted to talk this much?? Yes, you are still legally married, but you are separated. He doesn't necessarily want you to heal and put your life into perspective. Perhaps he realizes if you do, he knows that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, which doesn't fair well for him.

    Don't tell him about the forum and/or your friends. He wants control and if you give it to him, you will face the same pattern that you have endured for years. Give yourself the time to heal. Did you make that list?? Have you looked at it??

    Just a few days ago, you were a bag of nerves and unhappy. I don't think that you have had time to wrap your head around everything yet. You made this move for you and your son. There was a reason - you were depressed and unhappy. You have finally taken proactive steps to improving the quality of your life. Follow through, sweets. You are too young to be in a manipulative relationship. Actually, no one should stay in a manipulative relationship. You have goals and dreams. This is your time...



    • Not he has not talked this much to me in a long time and I was just thinking the same thing why does he want to talk so much when we are separated but not when we are together.. I feel he is trying to get me to be in pain and beg for him back but I can not ignore the trust issues I have with him.. Yes I have looked at that list and that has kept me strong.. It's just painful because he is trying to drag me down with him.. And every time he mentions how sad and he's crying I feel bad for him but I don't want to feel bad...


      • Yes I have looked at that list and that has kept me strong.. It's just painful because he is trying to drag me down with him.. And every time he mentions how sad and he's crying I feel bad for him but I don't want to feel bad...
        You need to be strong for and your son. You deserve to feel empowered and in control of your life. You recognize that he is trying to drag you down with him...so you are not ignorant to his tactics.

        You say you feel bad for him because he is NOW saying that he is sad and crying. HMM...a few days ago he was telling you if you didn't like the way things were to leave. And you did. He constantly told you that you were replaceable, remember?? It's easy to for a person to say hurtful things especially when they know you are down and they don't believe that you have other options. Ironically, once you took HIS advice and left, he is sad. That is because he doesn't have control of you right now. When you decided to take control of your life, he lost his POWER TRIP.

        What has he done besides calling you and pouring on the pity trip? He needs counselling, and a lot of it. Funny how when you were there with him begging for companionship, he didn't want you. He took you for granted. Now that you're gone, he sure is finding a lot of time to communicate. He is not sad, he's smart. He knows what buttons to push, and how to do it. You have removed yourself from an emotionally abusive situation, and he is determined for that to be a temporary displacement. You said that you were moving out for the millionth time, and now he is playing on your heart strings - for the millionth time. Think about it.


        • Thanks euphoric I see the situation in a whole new light!..
          Your right he didn't have any time for me when I lived with him but now he has all the time in the world!


          • Well some new development suggest that he might want to be when the woman he got pregnant 9 months ago... :/


            • I know that might hurt but good riddance. You and your son deserve so much better than that. Sending hugs your way, I know this isn't easy.


              • Nothing is easy in my life so oh well.. And thanks for the hugs (:


                • Originally posted by Bladyn'smommy16 View Post
                  Nothing is easy in my life so oh well.. And thanks for the hugs (:

                  Nothing is every easy where love is involved and much less a child.


                  • Yes you are right, children make this kind of situation a whole lot harder..


                    • Originally posted by Bladyn'smommy16 View Post
                      Yes you are right, children make this kind of situation a whole lot harder..
                      But in the end you have to do what is best for you and your child.


                      • Yes I know which is hard...


                        • It's hard now but you'll see how much it'll be worth it in the end.
                          I'm in a same type situation and will stick it out with you!


                          • Thank you time2discover(:
                            It's a really bad situation to be in!


                            • Well now I understand that even though we just separated 2 days ago he's ready to move on.. With the woman whose claiming he's the father of her newborn baby.. I mean wow really we were together for 4 years and he is already ready to move on that fast.. I guess I really was never that important to him.. I am so hurt I do not what to do.. I mean we aren't together but I thought he would give us some time to heal before he would do that my heart is so broken... I wasted four years of my life with someone that could do this to me.... Sorry I just had to vent..


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