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Ladies: How would you react if your husband did this?

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  • Ladies: How would you react if your husband did this?

    My friend found out that I was exploring women, and she went off and babbled to her husband. I wished she just kept in confidence. She said "Don't worry. Guys like that." My friend and I usually hang out alone, but she invited her husband to come along. He kept badgering me with all of these questions. He was saying things like, "Do you like women better than men? I know you like women better. You refuse my advances, you act like you don't want to talk to me, and you run away from me when I hug you." When I told him "I don't like to talk about that stuff," he still kept badgering me. His wife defended him by saying "He's a guy. You know how guys just want to know." None of my guy friends badger me with these questions. I told him, "I don't have an answer for you. I will let you know when I meet the right person." He also kept asking me if I found him attractive. Since telling him "You're my friend's husband"didn't work on him, I had to say "No, I don't find you attractive." He sulked the rest of the night. He also kept telling me how beautiful I was and acted very flirtatious. His wife just sat there. Wouldn't any of you be upset that your husband is flirting with your friend right in front of you? I then told her in private, "His questions make me feel really uncomfortable. I don't find your husband attractive." She said, "Oh, he doesn't find you attractive either. He just likes to push people's buttons." This man blatantly oogles at my breasts right in front of his wife. I feel so bad for her. He has cheated on her before, but she thinks that he won't do it again.

    My plan from now on is to only hang out with her. If he happens to ask these questions again, I'm going to flat out tell him that he's being inappropriate. He invited me to go to vacation with them to Florida, but I said no. My female friend is straight and isn't interested in a three-some. My friend also says, "He likes you way more than any of my other friends", and that concerns me.


    As far as "Do you like women or men better?", why should I have to have an answer right away? The LGBT scene is TOUGH. I don't have enough experience with women to say that I like them better. Sexual preferences can also change. You may like women better one day, but then you meet a man that makes you feel like no other. I also tried to explain this to him, but he didn't get it. My gut feeling is that he thinks I'm a lesbian, because I don't find him attractive. It also disturbs me when people act like they know your sexual preferences better than you. This man has no knowledge of my past dating or sex life.

    To the men on this forum, would you feel the need to ask your wife's friend all of these questions? He knew that my friend died too, and that I was grieving. Either he doesn't know social etiquette or he's just being a jerk.

    I would like your feedback. I would hate to leave my female friend because of her hubby, because I think she's a fun and good person.
    "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

  • I believe your sexual preferences are nobody's business but your own.
    Why you even bothered to answer I don't understand. I would have
    told him whether I like men, women or birds is my business. Be happy
    your girlfriend likes you.
    When it comes to her, she seems to be egging him on so, don't know
    where she's at but keep an eye open!

    Comment


    • Originally posted by time2discover View Post
      I believe your sexual preferences are nobody's business but your own.
      Why you even bothered to answer I don't understand. I would have
      told him whether I like men, women or birds is my business. Be happy
      your girlfriend likes you.
      When it comes to her, she seems to be egging him on so, don't know
      where she's at but keep an eye open!

      I felt the need to answer, because he wouldn't go away or accept "none of your business" as an answer. He wouldn't give up the "Do you like women better" question the entire night. He also kept saying "let's all get naked." The fact that his wife was egging him on made the situation even more difficult. I admit I got really ****ed off at him, so I wanted to tell him off. He's going to feel stupid in the end anyway. His wife tells me he rarely goes out of the house. I wonder if he just doesn't have a lot of friends.

      I couldn't leave the situation, because we had an unsafe snowstorm where she invited me to just hang out with her at her place.
      "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

      Comment


      • How comfortable is this friend and her husband around LGBT people? It almost sounds like it was an intervention to get you to only consider men. The "if you had ever been with a real man, you wouldn't even consider that" type of thing. Like she was offering up her husband to get you on the "right" track. Friend to friend.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment


        • Originally posted by jns View Post
          How comfortable is this friend and her husband around LGBT people? It almost sounds like it was an intervention to get you to only consider men. The "if you had ever been with a real man, you wouldn't even consider that" type of thing. Like she was offering up her husband to get you on the "right" track. Friend to friend.
          My female friend has a lot of lesbian friends in her hometown, and he did ******** one of them off before by being a bit too intrusive. My female friend said "I know you're a lesbian, because you never talk about guys." This isn't true, because I told her about a cute co-worker, and that I was very attracted to my last serious ex. When I explained my type of man, she then told her hubby, "You're just not her type. She likes musician type of guys" She said that her husband wants everyone to tell him that he's handsome.

          The whole situation was weird. They also drank a lot of alcohol. I've known her for a year, and I have never seen her act like this before.
          "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

          Comment


          • If it were me, I'd have a long conversation with my friend. No need to be confrontational, just a smile and a "wow, did the questions ever get personal the other night when you both had a few drinks!" is OK to start off a chat, I think. When she says "what questions?" or "what do you mean?" (perhaps a bit defensively), I'd let her know how much I valued her friendship but that I was very uncomfortable with the flirtation, the questions he was asking, and people making assumptions about my orientation. Being honest with my friend would be important to me, because it's up to her whether she values our friendship enough to respect my boundaries... and she should be given the chance to help set some. Maybe by reining herself in a bit in terms of egging on her husband, maybe by telling him to knock it off. Whatever it takes.

            I'd personally suggest, in a friendly way, "taking things back a notch". I'd say something like "Well, since I know you and I get along great together, let's just have ladies nights for a while so you and I can chat without menfolk around. I don't care to discuss my sexual orientation at the moment, though. Right now, I'd sooner focus on our friendship and on spending some good time together." If you feel more comfortable, ask a few other friends to join you -- there's less chance of more questions that way. Go for lunch. Grab a movie. Whatever you do, her hubby doesn't need to be in tow. She can also get used to a few boundaries that you clearly need.

            Feeling cornered, awkward and embarrassed with inappropriate questions, flirting or blunt offers isn't something you ought to have to deal with - and I think it ought to be important to her that you feel comfortable with her and her husband. I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. I really hope it resolves itself soon! You have a right to your privacy, to feeling safe, and to feeling comfortable. Anyone who makes you uncomfortable needs to know that it isn't okay, and they need to know what your needs are so that you don't have to show them the door.

            Just my 0.02 cents.

            Comment


            • Embee, I have done all of that. The plan is just to not put myself in situations where he is there. She is usually pretty cool when it just her and I.

              If I do see him, then I'm going to have a talk with him if continues to demand answers. I have lost respect for this man IMO, and it's unfortunate that people don't understand that sexuality is complex.
              "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

              Comment


              • You're sexual preference is NONE of their business. You're 'friend' should have not said anything to her hubby. I know you want to keep your friend because she's fun, but if what happened to you, did to me, I'd be saying 'so long' to your 'friend'. To me, that's not a friend. Also, for her to let her husband keep pressing you for answers is crap too. Forget them both(especially if she was egging him on), they obviously have no respect for you. Just my thoughts..I've been facked over enough by people who said they were my 'friend' and did crapola like this to me.

                Also- if he likes you more than other women friends of her's... STAY THE F AWAY!!! My experience, has showed me that a situation like that ends very poorly, even if sex is never involved. Sheer jealousy can tear your friendship a part, even based in his 'thing' for you. Good luck

                Comment


                • You're sexual preference is NONE of their business. You're 'friend' should have not said anything to her hubby. I know you want to keep your friend because she's fun, but if what happened to you, did to me, I'd be saying 'so long' to your 'friend'. To me, that's not a friend. Also, for her to let her husband keep pressing you for answers is crap too. Forget them both(especially if she was egging him on), they obviously have no respect for you. Just my thoughts..I've been facked over enough by people who said they were my 'friend' and didcrapola like this to me. It would seem to me they saw you as a novelty ( I say this because what you told them isn't groundbreaking {as if you just landed from Mars} but they sure treated you as if you had from what I read. It seemed like a cutesy fun way to pass the time.) Which is sh1tty.

                  Also- if he likes you more than other women friends of her's... STAY THE F AWAY!!! My experience, has showed me that a situation like that ends very poorly, even if sex is never involved. Sheer jealousy can tear your friendship a part, even based in his 'thing' for you. Good luck
                  Last edited by Imjustagirl86; 03-07-2013, 08:47 AM.

                  Comment


                  • To be honest with you, I don't think you know your "friend" at all...


                    Meaning, you've only known her a year, you haven't seen her act this way, the moment you confided with her, she blabbed. She tells you what you are instead of listening to you, and allowing you to be what you want. I'd actually personally, in my opinion, be wary of this woman.


                    She has accepted him cheating on her, she has a lot of lesbian friends and the moment she blabs, he is with you both drinking alot of alcohol. So is she. As far as I can see, the intention was to see whether the three of you would have a three some. I don't honestly believe she is being honest with you.. I bet anything she has before or he's talked about it and she's almost agreed.

                    Something fishy here in my opinion.

                    He asks again? I'd answer "wouldn't you like to know" .... end of story...

                    He badgers and keeps going? Like I said, wouldn't you like to know.



                    Originally posted by Magnetism View Post
                    My female friend has a lot of lesbian friends in her hometown, and he did **************** one of them off before by being a bit too intrusive. My female friend said "I know you're a lesbian, because you never talk about guys." This isn't true, because I told her about a cute co-worker, and that I was very attracted to my last serious ex. When I explained my type of man, she then told her hubby, "You're just not her type. She likes musician type of guys" She said that her husband wants everyone to tell him that he's handsome.

                    The whole situation was weird. They also drank a lot of alcohol. I've known her for a year, and I have never seen her act like this before.
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • Sounds to me like one or both of them wants a threesome. And you're just the living, breathing sex toy to make it happen for them.

                      (Except for the part where you're not.)

                      People have a lot of funny ideas about bisexuality. That people have to be either gay or straight. That bisexual women are just loose. That because you dig both genders, you want to boink ANYBODY of that gender, and even both genders at once. Pish posh.

                      I agree with CW - your friend doesn't sound so friendly. The moment you showed interest in women in general, you became a potential accessory to her/hubby's/their fantasy, and she didn't waste any time asking you how cool you might be with it before she enlisted hubby to coerce you. That's not ok.

                      Now that the dangerous weather is over, certainly stand by your guns and don't spend time alone with this couple. If you want to keep a relationship with the woman, keep your hangings in public until she gets the idea of you in her bed, out of her head.
                      <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

                      Comment


                      • Hello all,


                        A lot of things don't add up. She keeps saying she's straight, loyal and conservative. She says that three-somes ruin marriages, and how it's "always the man's idea." She complains about men being sex-crazed pigs that can't help themselves.

                        If they are BOTH wanting me for a three-some (Which I would hate to admit), it's not going to happen. I've told them several times that I don't see my good established friends as people that you have sex with.

                        This couple does live far away now, which is a good thing. So, I won't be dealing with her husband often. She's a different person when she's alone.
                        "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

                        Comment


                        • Sounds like he wanted to see you and his wife together. Most men fanticize about it but in the moment turn jealous and get angry. You were right in telling him it was non of his business. Your friend is just really comfortable, some people have different guidelines for what is acceptable. Blinders are incredibly popular though.

                          Comment


                          • Alcohol makes fools of us all.

                            He sounds like a jerk, and a creeper. i'd stay away from him also. Especially if he's cheated on her.

                            Comment


                            • Just to put my piece in, I'd say that should you ever see them again, I would be very firm with boundaries if I were you. Don't invite this creep into your home, and if you're out, walk away if he doesn't respect you. It sounds like the two of them are very insensitive and rude.

                              Comment

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