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Ladies: How would you react if your husband did this?

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  • Love Little's thoughts.

    Look it could simply be that she is not wanting at all any three some, that she befriends those that are bi (hear me out) because he is controlling, he controls her, she does his thing but doesn't do his thing if you get what I mean...

    Sounds very sus to me.

    I don't think it's "both" if you feel she is a friend it's time to talk to her, I am personally feeling that she needs a true friend that she can talk to and cry and spill...
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
      Love Little's thoughts.

      Look it could simply be that she is not wanting at all any three some, that she befriends those that are bi (hear me out) because he is controlling, he controls her, she does his thing but doesn't do his thing if you get what I mean...

      Sounds very sus to me.

      I don't think it's "both" if you feel she is a friend it's time to talk to her, I am personally feeling that she needs a true friend that she can talk to and cry and spill...

      She ended up crying to me complaining about her marriage that same night, and then apologized the next morning saying "I was drunk. I didn't mean what I said." I would like to be loyal friend, and not just ditch them because their husband is a creep. The town she live in isn't the best town to meet other young women for friends.

      I'm not one to tell someone to leave the marriage. I told her she can do what she wants, but she doesn't want to leave him. She will tell me that I'm confused and that I don't know what I want in my love life, but it sounds like she's the one that's confused.
      "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

      Comment


      • People like to put their own emotions onto other people. It's what they know, so it's what they see. She is in a romantic relationship that society deems the norm. It's not going well. So she tells herself, it's okay, I'm normal! She convinces herself that normal is the only option, the only way to be, and that what she has is the best normal has to offer.

        So when she sees you seeking out healthy relationships, regardless of your partner's gender, it threatens what she's telling herself. Too bad for her. I actually think that by continuing to look for a healthy relationship and sharing your journey with her, you can help her see the possibilities for change that exist. But if ever you feel like she's bringing you down too much, don't be afraid to emotionally distance yourself.
        <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

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        • Very true, Little. It's interesting how she has given me dating advice that could be harmful. For example, I told her about this cute 22 year old co-worker. I'm in a managerial position and he is not. She said "Ask him out. So what if he's only 22 or a lower position than you?" If I ask this guy out, I could ruin my reputation at work and get in trouble with my boss. I also could be wasting my time with a young man that has no intentions of settling down.

          When I told her that I prefer a man that has his life together, she said "You're not going to get everything that you want. My husband doesn't work and I don't care." Hmm.....

          At other times, she is supportive and says I will find the right person eventually. It's best to just keep this a "girls' night out" friendship, and take her relationship advice with a grain of salt.
          "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

          Comment


          • I can read between the lines there and I echo Little in this case.

            She is in-deed saying, " I picked the wrong guy so what, he's ok, he doesn't work, so should you" Then we will have things in common ..

            I believe she is one of those "friends" that likes to bring people to her own level but I also believe that she is not happy in her marriage and that he is a player or wanna be player and she will do what ever to keep him happy...
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

            Comment


            • I do make it a point to only trust relationship advice from those that already have a healthy relationship. What's ironic is that I haven't asked her for relationship advice. She offers it out of nowhere.
              "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

              Comment


              • Quick update-I ended up telling her how I truly felt. That my dating life is none of her husband's business, and that I will leave if he acts up again. I also said that he disrespects her when he is asking his wife's friend to get naked. She said that I'm making things look bigger than it is and that she's unsure if she can continue her friendship with me.
                "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

                Comment


                • I don't do threats very well. I would tell her that's it, no more. Or more likely, I just wouldn't talk to her again.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                  Comment


                  • Magnetism,

                    Quite honestly, she is the one losing out. It sounds like she is not in a great relationship, but perhaps feels stuck, so now she is directing her unhappiness toward you. I think she views you as a free spirit who is taking time to explore your options and not settling for less than you deserve. Sounds kinda like a combination of jealousy and frustration. Furthermore, she doesn't respect you and your feelings. You have been honest with her. She is great to hang around with when she is by herself because she isn't under scrupulous eyes, but the fact remains that she is married and her husband made inappropriate advances toward you when you were visiting. She didn't try to step in and redirect his attention or voice any concern in regards to him making you uncomfortable. You are better off without this type of "friend". A real friend respects her friend and doesn't allow someone to try to take advantage of a situation.

                    On the other hand, I wonder if she would have been a willing participant "if a threesome" happened. Maybe because you aren't a candidate for their fantasy she is ready to move on in an attempt to find someone who is. Either way, I think you are better off without this "friendship".

                    Comment


                    • Double what Euphoric said!

                      I hate when people tell me I'm overreacting, etc. Ever since reading that gaslighting article that came out about a year ago, I am done with that kind of nonsense. I feel what I feel, and so do you - don't let anybody belittle it!
                      <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

                      Comment


                      • After thinking about this more (it takes me awhile to process things), I've realized that the situation does anger me and it's best to walk away. I was trying to be the good friend by dismissing it, but it's just causing things to build up. I do have one person in my life that thinks that I should still stay friends with this woman, but why put myself in danger? Given all what's happened, there's a chance that something like this may happen again. The trust has also been broken. CL is correct. A good friend doesn't dictate to you what you like and what you don't like. I had a recent girl-on-girl experience and guess what? I realized that I like men better! So, my friend and her husband are completely wrong on how I like women more and "I just don't know it yet."

                        The only reason why I'm sharing a sexual experience with the forum is because everyone is respectful to me. I wouldn't share this with my "friend" and her husband. If you don't feel comfortable being yourself around someone, then I don't see the point in sustaining a friendship.
                        "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

                        Comment


                        • Magnetism, just be yourself, be open to meeting new people (men and women) and wait for compatibility to ensue. Inevitably it will. Even if you're having bad luck, the law of averages dictates it must change soon.

                          You're on an (epic) exploratory journey and only you know which direction to travel in and when you have arrived at the destination. Anyone who just wants to use you (wanting casual sex isn't 'wrong' but using people, lying to them and trying to manipulate them is) isn't a worthwhile traveling companion or passenger.

                          And like most journeys, you wont find yourself traveling in a straight line and you may find yourself lost from time-to-time.

                          Good luck, many (more) adventures await you :-)
                          No matter how objective we try to be, we all see through our own eyes...

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Harmony View Post
                            Magnetism, just be yourself, be open to meeting new people (men and women) and wait for compatibility to ensue. Inevitably it will. Even if you're having bad luck, the law of averages dictates it must change soon.

                            You're on an (epic) exploratory journey and only you know which direction to travel in and when you have arrived at the destination. Anyone who just wants to use you (wanting casual sex isn't 'wrong' but using people, lying to them and trying to manipulate them is) isn't a worthwhile traveling companion or passenger.

                            And like most journeys, you wont find yourself traveling in a straight line and you may find yourself lost from time-to-time.

                            Good luck, many (more) adventures await you :-)
                            Thank you. This is the kind of response that's sensitive and invokes comfort to a person "exploring." I was explaining to a particular good friend (the one that thinks that I should continue the friendship with the woman in the OP) that people give off a certain vibe. Some people you feel comfortable with, and some people make you feel like you want to get away. I also feel like people's words betray them and the little things they do can reveal who they are.
                            "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

                            Comment

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