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Alone for the first time in my life! Help!!!

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  • Alone for the first time in my life! Help!!!

    I'll try to make the background short so you can understand where I come from:

    Met my husband I was 17yrs old(1985), fell in love and knew he was the one. He was in the restaurant business and we
    soon moved in together, opened our own restaurant and so on. We always worked together, had 2 great children
    and things we're good. Sexually I was ignorant compared to him. My parents we're not sharing a bed, I don't have
    any brothers, so a man's point of view was far from my reach.Talking about sex with him was not even a thought
    and he's not much of a communicator either.

    So we went on for all these years me thinking bang bang that's it and him that I didn't like sex and was just doing it
    out of duty.Besides the sex, we were always there for each other and spent most of our time together.

    2005, we move to Greece with our son, his home country, by my decision. It took us a while to adjust but things
    kept getting better business wise and all. In 2008, my son decides to come back to Canada to study and so it's
    just me and him.

    Our couple life is good but in bed, it's becoming less and less by my choice because I find it very unsatisfying.
    I pleasure myself regularly so I know I like it but with my husband it just doesn't feel the same.

    This is where the soap opera begins!

    2010 After the tourist season in November we agree, I'm gonna come to Canada to visit my parents and my son
    for 2 months.I hadn't been back since 2005.

    After I got here, my husband tells me(we talk on Skype) he wants to move back. So he says, stay there, I'm gonna
    clear out the business sell everything and I'm coming. Ok!

    Took him almost 1 year to get here.(remember we've never been apart)When he finally got here, I was so thrilled
    and during this time I had learned alot more about myself. That night we made love. I woke up in the middle of the
    night to hear him talking to a woman in Greece on Skype! I blew it, we had a big fight but the next day we finally
    sat down after 25yrs of marriage and had our first true discussion on sex and our feelings. We both made mistakes
    by assuming that was it for the other and so we decided to start fresh and move on. I told him I would be more
    open sexually and actually I wanted it.

    So we start fresh, I give him things I've never even thought of doing and find I'm actually enjoying it. So much, I'm
    the one asking for it more than him!

    A few months later he decides, we decide our way of life is so adjusted to Greece, we're not happy here and so we want
    to go back. He leaves first, to find an apartment and then I'll follow when he's settled. Can't wait even a week, get on the
    plane to find he's still seeing this woman. All hell breaks loose and for 6 months it's a constant(from him)leave me alone-can't
    live without you-need to figure things out-we'll always be one-don't know where I'm going, etc. All this time, he's living in
    his shop and doesn't want to bring his things to our apartment.

    Finally I figure out for myself, he's at a point he can't live with me or without me. But I can't do this anymore!
    So I go back to Canada and tell him I need to find myself again and hopefully he will to.
    He shows up here 3months later expecting everything to be as it was but I can't. In the end I give in, we sleep together
    and the next day we talk. He tells me, that since our fresh start, he knows I'm acting out the sex to keep him. What a slap
    in the face. That's how much he believes in me. I let him know that I'm not doing this just to satisfy him and if he can't see
    that we won't continue very far. He tells me, listen you're that way when it comes to sex and you'll never change.
    More arguments over the days(during this time I'm not sleeping with him since it's fake) and finally he agrees he was wrong
    to doubt my motives and just could not explain to himself how I went from frigd to wild beast. Again we decide to start over
    and that night I give him my heart , my soul and my body like never before. The next day, he tells me he's going back to Greece cause he needs to find himself. All he wanted yesterday was the sex!

    To end this, I told him to leave, he did and I got a call from a divorce lawyer yesterday. It's gonna be official!
    After 28 yrs, I'm on my own for the first time and don't know what to do. Just want to hear you guys and know
    I'm not alone in this world. Thanks for your support and listening. I wouldn't be here without you guys!

  • Originally posted by time2discover View Post
    I'll try to make the background short so you can understand where I come from:

    Met my husband I was 17yrs old(1985), fell in love and knew he was the one. He was in the restaurant business and we
    soon moved in together, opened our own restaurant and so on. We always worked together, had 2 great children
    and things we're good. Sexually I was ignorant compared to him. My parents we're not sharing a bed, I don't have
    any brothers, so a man's point of view was far from my reach.Talking about sex with him was not even a thought
    and he's not much of a communicator either.

    So we went on for all these years me thinking bang bang that's it and him that I didn't like sex and was just doing it
    out of duty.Besides the sex, we were always there for each other and spent most of our time together.

    2005, we move to Greece with our son, his home country, by my decision. It took us a while to adjust but things
    kept getting better business wise and all. In 2008, my son decides to come back to Canada to study and so it's
    just me and him.

    Our couple life is good but in bed, it's becoming less and less by my choice because I find it very unsatisfying.
    I pleasure myself regularly so I know I like it but with my husband it just doesn't feel the same.

    This is where the soap opera begins!

    2010 After the tourist season in November we agree, I'm gonna come to Canada to visit my parents and my son
    for 2 months.I hadn't been back since 2005.

    After I got here, my husband tells me(we talk on Skype) he wants to move back. So he says, stay there, I'm gonna
    clear out the business sell everything and I'm coming. Ok!

    Took him almost 1 year to get here.(remember we've never been apart)When he finally got here, I was so thrilled
    and during this time I had learned alot more about myself. That night we made love. I woke up in the middle of the
    night to hear him talking to a woman in Greece on Skype! I blew it, we had a big fight but the next day we finally
    sat down after 25yrs of marriage and had our first true discussion on sex and our feelings. We both made mistakes
    by assuming that was it for the other and so we decided to start fresh and move on. I told him I would be more
    open sexually and actually I wanted it.

    So we start fresh, I give him things I've never even thought of doing and find I'm actually enjoying it. So much, I'm
    the one asking for it more than him!

    A few months later he decides, we decide our way of life is so adjusted to Greece, we're not happy here and so we want
    to go back. He leaves first, to find an apartment and then I'll follow when he's settled. Can't wait even a week, get on the
    plane to find he's still seeing this woman. All hell breaks loose and for 6 months it's a constant(from him)leave me alone-can't
    live without you-need to figure things out-we'll always be one-don't know where I'm going, etc. All this time, he's living in
    his shop and doesn't want to bring his things to our apartment.

    Finally I figure out for myself, he's at a point he can't live with me or without me. But I can't do this anymore!
    So I go back to Canada and tell him I need to find myself again and hopefully he will to.
    He shows up here 3months later expecting everything to be as it was but I can't. In the end I give in, we sleep together
    and the next day we talk. He tells me, that since our fresh start, he knows I'm acting out the sex to keep him. What a slap
    in the face. That's how much he believes in me. I let him know that I'm not doing this just to satisfy him and if he can't see
    that we won't continue very far. He tells me, listen you're that way when it comes to sex and you'll never change.
    More arguments over the days(during this time I'm not sleeping with him since it's fake) and finally he agrees he was wrong
    to doubt my motives and just could not explain to himself how I went from frigd to wild beast. Again we decide to start over
    and that night I give him my heart , my soul and my body like never before. The next day, he tells me he's going back to Greece cause he needs to find himself. All he wanted yesterday was the sex!

    To end this, I told him to leave, he did and I got a call from a divorce lawyer yesterday. It's gonna be official!
    After 28 yrs, I'm on my own for the first time and don't know what to do. Just want to hear you guys and know
    I'm not alone in this world. Thanks for your support and listening. I wouldn't be here without you guys!
    Hi.. Timr to re-invent your new life. join a church if u believe in God. Get to know your inner peace before u allow another lover in your heart. Set bounders when u do. learn
    From your prior marriage. take a break now.
    love your surroundings. i know you loved the guy.. But.... Well now u will meet someone thst will give more than he did.. With your
    New perspective. on life ....t2d now your user nsme comes into action.. With your new
    World ....

    Comment


    • Time2discover, I can't even imagine the pain you must be going through. Sending hugs your way my friend. Take time for yourself to mourn the loss of your 28 year marriage. You will get through this it wont be easy but I promise you in time it will. We are here for you to talk to or cry to, just know we are here to listen if you need us.


      I know when the hubby and I went through our rough patch and he talked divorce it broke my heart and I couldn't imagine my life without him. But I know that I could have done it if that would have been his choice. I know you will get through this and be a stronger person for it. Will keep you in my prayers.

      Comment


      • Thanks for the support! I know eventually I will get through this, it's just I'm so
        mad sometimes because he broke my bubble. This should be the time we're enjoying
        after all the years raising our children, working hard and finally nothing! Sort of put
        my trust in people out of sink. I don't want to feel this way, but it's hard.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by time2discover View Post
          Thanks for the support! I know eventually I will get through this, it's just I'm so
          mad sometimes because he broke my bubble. This should be the time we're enjoying
          after all the years raising our children, working hard and finally nothing! Sort of put
          my trust in people out of sink. I don't want to feel this way, but it's hard.

          I hear you loud and clear Time2discover, it is like after all these years you have no clue who this man is that you are/were married to. Also you have to give your time to mourn the loss of your marriage it is like losing a part of yourself and now you have to figure out how to live without that. We are here for you and if you ever want or need to talk I am here for you my friend. I can't even imagine the pain your going through. Well I can imagine it to some extent. I will keep you in my prayers that your heart will heal and that one day when the time is right Mr. Right for you will come along and be the Prince Charming that you so deserve.

          Comment


          • Well, I signed the divorce papers today! Maximum 2 months and it's official.

            Where do I go from there?

            Comment


            • I am so sorry time2 discover.. It sounds like he was planning this for a while possibly, my friends husband planned 18 months in advance to get a divorce.. She had no idea either! One thing is for sure you were done very dirty by him at the end!

              Comment


              • Originally posted by time2discover View Post
                Well, I signed the divorce papers today! Maximum 2 months and it's official.

                Where do I go from there?

                I guess you have to start a new I. Currently am separated and wondering the same thing if we don't work it out... :/

                Comment


                • Awee.. T2D. You know what? Your name says it all.

                  I feel for you and feel your pain. 28 Years is a long time. But, you are worldly, intelligent, just finding your body and young. The fact that he does not believe you, more importantly understand at our age, that is when we want to discover even more, if not in your case, first time and be excited, he sounds old fashioned hun. My first boyfriend was Greek I don't know if you are but I do know the difference of European thinking and I commend you for your strenght in accepting initially what happened not too long ago.

                  I know it is meant to be forever, even I stuffed that one up, but am glad that I did walk, leave.

                  I know that 1 year apart is tough, but only the strong hold on, the rest, well they just do huh.. I know the Australian/Greeks are tought to do what they want .... from a young age.

                  This is your life now TIME 2 DISCOVER... 28 years is along time, but you have another 40 or so... Make it all about what you want out of life this time, what you will and won't accept, the things you haven't done, experienced, it's time for you...

                  You will be OK.
                  PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                  Comment


                  • Thanks CW!
                    I'm not greek, I'm french canadian but I love their culture, speak the language and lived
                    there for many years. So this is really my whole world upside down! You're right about
                    their mentality though and even if he isn't completely closed minded he's still greek.
                    I will try to take this one day at a time but having been in a relationship since I was 17,
                    I feel like a high school virgin. You see what I mean?

                    Comment


                    • BM he wasn't planning it until he came. I just told him that we could not go on like
                      this and so when I asked him to leave, he told me he would file the papers. I guess
                      I just wanted to believe he wouldn't have the guts to do it. But he did.

                      Comment


                      • Still a pretty rotten thing to do..

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by time2discover View Post
                          So we went on for all these years me thinking bang bang that's it and him that I didn't like sex and was just doing it
                          out of duty.
                          The seeds that destroyed your relationship were sowed a long time ago. Neither was satisfied with the status quo, but neither figured a way out of the box you were both in. I'm sorry it came to this, but hopeful you will find a fulfilling relationship that has good sex as a cornerstone.
                          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                          ...
                          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                          Comment


                          • You're right jns, I guess I see this now. It's just that the rest of our relationship was so close that
                            I'm mad at us for being able to deal with so many things over the years and we couldn't deal with this?
                            It's frustrating!

                            Comment


                            • But, feeling like a high school virgin can be a good thing when you are ready

                              I spent 3 months in Greece, along time ago... Also love the culture, place but would never, ever, ever, well can't now that I'm engaged to be married (again) at 49, (nearly 50) see? Anyways, I mean never, ever go out with a guy that's culture allows such freedom. Equality is good. It's funny T2D, as we get older, we get wiser. We all of a sudden find ourselves more and honestly, we know what we will and won't accept this time around.

                              You are not the first nor the last to get Divorced. Finally, I am about to sign those papers myself Long story.

                              The fact is, (fear) gets to us and we can not let it. For every negative there is a positive. I have had people over the years (fear) so bad that they believe they will never marry, have a child, no one will ever want them only to see the pictures of weddings, and / or babies just a few years later.

                              Take a deep breathe, forget the fear. Concentrate on you, for now and for some months really. You will become a changed woman and it will all come clearer for you and trust me, it's a new life and it is going to be a great one, with so much happiness, love and well good sex...

                              Not many people find "the one" straight off. 28 years, is along time and you will never forget this man, always probably love him but over time I think anyway realise your relationship was filled with great friendship. To be intimate with someone you love, that bond, is beautiful. If the other person isn't interested, in my opinion "culture" here, but if they are not interested you would have ended up in a loveless marriage thinking that anything you were doing was "dirty" and in my opinion, gone back into a shell.

                              Now you don't have to. You will still have a form of love. And, you can now become the woman in all directions not just sexually, that perhaps you have also been hiding.

                              Every negative has a positive.
                              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                              Comment

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