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confused??

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  • confused??

    My partner and I have been together for awhile (15yrs)... Just last month he received a text message from a girl and I flew off the handle and slapped his phone in his face... He said it was a girl he is helping at work... So I let it be... Then I received his phone bill which was for a absurd amount (in the hundreds) with this girls number and ringing her at strange times... I flew off the handle again... He said to me that he lied about her number being a work number and he knew how i would feel... Relationship being rocky, he told me horrible stuff about myself and my family... I let it go until he lied about going to work and I found out he was out with his work mates partying on... I confronted him and he flipped it back on me... He said yes I lied where he was but its not what you think??... I have asked him to go to a family members house to cool off and he has been there for 2 weeks... He has said some things about me which is true and i have admitted to them... but he makes it sounds like what i have done in the past to what he has done equals up?? i do truly love him and I am so confused... I have flirted and was caught, I have lied (no excuses) but I know his reaction towards certain things... I am not perfect... but everything was fine until this text he got started everything... Need help please!!

  • Sounds like he may be talking to a girl behind your back possibly flirting with her and seeing her on the side..men tend to get angry when they are questioned and they know they are doing something wrong..

    Comment


    • There is no point staying in a relationship where there is no trust.

      Comment


      • Once the lies start you know it's going downhill from there. Went through the
        same thing and wanted to believe but in the end the truth came out. Make
        sure you think about you in all of this! No matter what his reasons are or he
        says they are, you don't deserve this kind of betrayal after so many years.

        Comment


        • So you have lied because you wanted to avoid his reactions and you have been flirting with other guys. Now he is doing the same thing. I'm not really sure how they are different nor what value there would be in figuring out which violations were worse.

          It sounds like you could both use some counseling on how to communicate more effectively so you can be closer and not feel the need to lie.

          After 15 years, why haven't you made a legal and public commitment to each other?

          Comment


          • I always think, in anger, the truth comes out.

            If you were to be honest with yourselves, you may have been together for 15 years but both of you are not entirely happy and it was not fine before hand. Both of you have flirted and lied. You were not entirely happy before hand.

            You either have to sit down as Adults and calmly discuss the problems in your relationship and both want to solve them, or let go of the relationship.
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

            Comment


            • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
              There is no point staying in a relationship where there is no trust.
              I have to agree with rc on this.

              You slapped the phone in his face. Have you got physical with him before? Has he got physical with you before?
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


              • Originally posted by confused007 View Post
                My partner and I have been together for awhile (15yrs)... Just last month he received a text message from a girl and I flew off the handle and slapped his phone in his face... He said it was a girl he is helping at work... So I let it be... Then I received his phone bill which was for a absurd amount (in the hundreds) with this girls number and ringing her at strange times... I flew off the handle again... He said to me that he lied about her number being a work number and he knew how i would feel... Relationship being rocky, he told me horrible stuff about myself and my family... I let it go until he lied about going to work and I found out he was out with his work mates partying on... I confronted him and he flipped it back on me... He said yes I lied where he was but its not what you think??... I have asked him to go to a family members house to cool off and he has been there for 2 weeks... He has said some things about me which is true and i have admitted to them... but he makes it sounds like what i have done in the past to what he has done equals up?? i do truly love him and I am so confused... I have flirted and was caught, I have lied (no excuses) but I know his reaction towards certain things... I am not perfect... but everything was fine until this text he got started everything... Need help please!!
                Get away from him. He seems to be bad news the way it is sounding. he seems to be mentally abusing u. This is horrible. Get some help with this matter. U seem to be in some sort of danger in a way. He seems to be in between women u and the woman he is possibly seeing/.. . again get out and get help u will need it. hi and good luck my friend. Plezd to meet u.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by confused007 View Post
                  My partner and I have been together for awhile (15yrs)... Just last month he received a text message from a girl and I flew off the handle and slapped his phone in his face... He said it was a girl he is helping at work... So I let it be... Then I received his phone bill which was for a absurd amount (in the hundreds) with this girls number and ringing her at strange times... I flew off the handle again... He said to me that he lied about her number being a work number and he knew how i would feel... Relationship being rocky, he told me horrible stuff about myself and my family... I let it go until he lied about going to work and I found out he was out with his work mates partying on... I confronted him and he flipped it back on me... He said yes I lied where he was but its not what you think??... I have asked him to go to a family members house to cool off and he has been there for 2 weeks... He has said some things about me which is true and i have admitted to them... but he makes it sounds like what i have done in the past to what he has done equals up?? i do truly love him and I am so confused... I have flirted and was caught, I have lied (no excuses) but I know his reaction towards certain things... I am not perfect... but everything was fine until this text he got started everything... Need help please!!
                  Meaning.. He is acting horrible when u confront him with the other woman. He is acting rather horrible it seems. he seems to act like a dog.. hi btw

                  Comment


                  • Everyone needs to flirt, it is a huge confidence boost. However there is flirting and then innuendo's to future interactions. Text messages sound like the latter. Sounds like you two could benefit from some counseling and reconnecting. People only "cheat" when they cannot communicate how they actually feel to their partner. Fear and anger and resentment are big components of cheating people.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by hys View Post
                      Everyone needs to flirt, it is a huge confidence boost. However there is flirting and then innuendo's to future interactions. Text messages sound like the latter.
                      It's just my opinion, but I would have to disagree with you on this...ever since I fell in love with my husband I have never felt the need to flirt with another man (or woman for that matter), and I would never disrespect him in this way. My husbands love and my own self esteem give me enough confidence to slay dragons, I don't need to turn to strangers and flirtations to find it.

                      Flirting could be construed as "innuendo of future interactions" because when you flirt, you are acknowledging your sexual awareness of the other person, and acting on it by letting them know with your body language/words you find them attractive...you expect it in return as well, otherwise, what was the point of flirting in the first place?

                      I think flirting is just as much cheating as the physical act...it's cheating emotionally, psychologically, and mentally.

                      But that's just my opinion.
                      WickedVegasInk

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by WickedVegasINk View Post
                        It's just my opinion, but I would have to disagree with you on this...ever since I fell in love with my husband I have never felt the need to flirt with another man (or woman for that matter), and I would never disrespect him in this way. My husbands love and my own self esteem give me enough confidence to slay dragons, I don't need to turn to strangers and flirtations to find it.

                        Flirting could be construed as "innuendo of future interactions" because when you flirt, you are acknowledging your sexual awareness of the other person, and acting on it by letting them know with your body language/words you find them attractive...you expect it in return as well, otherwise, what was the point of flirting in the first place?

                        I think flirting is just as much cheating as the physical act...it's cheating emotionally, psychologically, and mentally.

                        But that's just my opinion.
                        I agree with you!

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by hys View Post
                          Everyone needs to flirt, it is a huge confidence boost. However there is flirting and then innuendo's to future interactions. Text messages sound like the latter.
                          My thinking is more in line with hys on flirting. Flirting can be playful and fun with no intention or action to take it to cheating. In that end, you can flirt with someone who is not your type at all. You can flirt with someone who is 40 or 50 years older than you are and make for a pleasant evening.
                          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                          ...
                          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                          Comment


                          • Jns, I agree in sense that if your partner does not feel disrespected by the flirting as in its not sexual by in means.. But I think we were talking about flirting in a sense that it is clearly inappropriate it and could potentially lead to more than that. Like wickedvegas INK said " innuendo of future interactions "

                            Comment


                            • I agree with time2 discover,
                              Once the lies start it goes downhill from there.
                              Take this time to work on yourself and take care of yourself.
                              Let him come back to you.

                              Good luck.

                              Comment

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