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In need of Urgent Advise! - Open Marriage -

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  • In need of Urgent Advise! - Open Marriage -

    I had been married for 16 years and didn't experiment much before meeting my hubby. For many years my husband asked me to have an affair and do some experimentation, but I didn't dare to do it. I finally accepted to do it, and last year I met a married guy, and we started seeing each other once in a while. We both know that this is strictly for fun, and my husband was turned on with me telling him about it. I would not do this without my hubby approval, but at the end of the year he started to be jealous and I ended it. I went into a lot of stress dealing with my husband's jelously. A few weeks after I stop communications with my FWB, my husband started talking about him again, and asked me to text him and to see him again. He insisted a lot, but I stayed firm in my desicion of not contacting him and avoiding any more stressful situations.
    Las week my friend texted me, we started chating, and I told my husband, who agreed and was happy for me to see him again, and was very exited about it. I had a blast that night, best sex ever. A few days after that my husband told me that I won't see him again, just like that! He doesn't even want me to respond to any messages, and all these mental games are driving me insane.
    I love my husband to pieces, but I don't know if he loves me, or he just need to feel he owns me and can treat me like a slave.
    About my FWB, we are friends, talk about life, our families, laugh, and have good sex, but we are both clear that we love our families, and they are first. I don't need to see him again, but I fill chocked that my husband push me around all the time!

  • Open marriages and relationships only work usually I'm not saying all the time but if there is no jealousy in a relationship.. Like you my husband suggested it a bunch but mainly during when he was very turned on.. Is it possible after your husband was no longer turned on he was not so happy with the idea? And he regrets it a lot? But it also turns him on but he can't get past his jealousy? Do you think he might think you will leave him for this other guy?


    • Multiple relationships can be hard if jealousy rears its head. It sounds like your husband is of two minds. One is that he wants to hear of your encounters in a voyeuristic way. The other is that he gets jealous. To those ends he is controlling.

      If you want to take charge, you could tell him that you are going to continue the other relationship as he was the one who wanted you to start it in the first place. This would probably break up your marriage due to his jealousy. In a small number of cases a person in his place would reign in their jealousy.

      If you look at this thread: http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...situation.html you will see a case where a woman has both a husband and a lover. One key difference is that the husband and the lover get along and communicate together. This keeps things from getting out of hand for the people involved. Another thing is the lack of jealousy or more likely controlled mild jealousy.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


      • I told my husband may times that this is just for fun, and I am always telling him I love him. I know that he tries to dominate the situation and feels insecure, but it is driving me insane!


        • He is probably to jealous and insecure for you to continue this it might cost you your marriage even though it was his idea..


          • Latelly he had been saying that he wants us in a 3some with my FWB, but I am not ready for that, so he got really mad at me. I just don't know how to make him happy!


            • I see I guess he would like to be included and then maybe he won't be so jealous


              • I forgot to ask since this is a open relationship is he having sex with anyone else as well?


                • I fear he would feel worse after seing me having fun. I am not used to this lifestyle and it is a lot to diggest. Do you think we will calm down if I make him part?


                  • I believe he wants to be included because he feels left out that is why he is so jealous..


                    • Originally posted by Bladyn'smommy16 View Post
                      I forgot to ask since this is a open relationship is he having sex with anyone else as well?
                      No, he doesn't want to. But he insisted for more than 10 years for me to do it! I should clarify that this always made me feel that he didn't love me. Why somebody wants the wife to have sex with somebody else instead of being with him?
                      Last edited by Julie:-); 03-10-2013, 01:38 PM.


                      • I'm not sure why my husband always talked about it too I think it's just some mans fantasies reading a lot of these treads it seems common but a lot don't act on it..


                        • I love my husband to pieces, but I don't know if he loves me, or he just need to feel he owns me and can treat me like a slave.
                          About my FWB, we are friends, talk about life, our families, laugh, and have good sex, but we are both clear that we love our families, and they are first. I don't need to see him again, but I fill chocked that my husband push me around all the time

                          Let's go back a few steps then maybe we can stop guessing and provide you with some opinions, as JNS has.. Why do you feel that he does not love you?

                          The fact that you said "best sex ever" suggests you do not have good sex with your husband, is it loving, intimate, wham bam, nothing, what is your relationship like there with your husband.

                          Apart from this situation, what makes you feel that he feels that he owns you, and treats you like a slave.

                          It would be great if you could fill in those blanks.

                          My first thought is as follows :-

                          It could be a fantasy that your husband has (3 some) and so, the game of what he has laid out to you but then his jealousy comes into play and he can't control his emotions/thoughts only for that to change again later when he gets past that, and his fantasy takes over again.

                          However, I'd like to answer further if you would provide some of those or all, of those answers.

                          Welcome to WH.
                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                          • Cw, I was just giving her my opinions on the subject I'm sorry if it looked like I was just guessing...


                            • Hi, thanks a lot for your comments. My husband is not very sweet, foreplay does not exist in his vocabulary, and just want to be pleased. I tried many times to discuss it, but he gets frustrated and we finish fighting. I think this is one of the reasons why he wanted me to have a FWB. I think this is the only thing I would like my husband to change, and never though it was a big deal, until I tried something different. I wish I could go back in time!


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