Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Husband's hygiene

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • Husband's hygiene

    Hello! I'm new here and this will be my first post.

    I got married to my very wonderful husband last August after being in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. In those 3 years we were "living together", though only for 3 months a year since I was working in another country. During that time, and the first months of our marriage, my husband would shower every day after work, or before going to bed at night. I guess he was a typical guy in the hygiene department, not overly concerned with it, but clean nonetheless.
    Now he goes 3 or 4 days without showering, and he blames it on being too tired after work. Even then, he's not a smelly guy, but it really bothers me. Especially because it is definitely affecting our sex life. We used to have sex daily, but now that he barely showers I feel pretty grossed out at the thought of it. Sometimes I will feel aroused and feel like having sex with him but then I remember he hasn't showered in a few days and I just make up an excuse, or don't take the initiative at all. Very rarely I might mention it to him, and he will reluctantly go and take a shower, only so we can have sex after, and he looks so hurt that I even suggested it! But he only showers when I drop a hint, and I'm pretty sure if I didn't say anything he would only shower once a week or so!

    This is very hard on me, I am a very clean person, I shower daily and even twice a day if I feel I need to, and I take pride in grooming myself. Another thing he will not do. He won't "clean up" down there, not even trim the hair, and he basically clips his toe nails once a month. They get huge and it bothers me so very much. I find that long toe nails are extremely unattractive and disgusting, especially when you can see they're not clean. He walks around the house barefoot and I cringe every time I look at his feet. And if we're having sex I can never look at his feet otherwise I will not be able to continue- that's how bad they are...
    Also, his lack of hygiene prevents me from performing oral sex on him, I cannot stand the smell, even if he thinks it's "not that bad". He will joke about it sometimes, and make light of the situation, but the truth is this is affecting my relationship with him, our sex life, and I find it hard to feel attracted to him anymore, even though he is an extremely attractive man!

    We've only been married for a few months and already our sex life and pretty much non existent because of this. Even if he showers so we can have sex, it is not the same thing, because it bothers me so much I might be thinking about this instead of focusing on the sex...

    One last thing that bothers me is the fact he only brushes his teeth in the morning. he used to do it at night as well, and after dinner, but not anymore. so after eating or drinking certain foods he will have bath breath...he will try to kiss me and I will tell him he has bad breath, and instead of brushing he will just keep his distance so I can't smell it! This isn't normal! I mean, everyone get's bad breath every now and then, I know I do. But if i had not noticed and my husband called me out on it I would immediately go brush my teeth...

    sorry for the long post, I hardly know how to do in this situation, it's so embarrassing ...

  • Sounds like he's let himself go since he's already got you... that happens too often unfortunately. I think in this situation since it is so extreme you need to just be blunt about it. Marriage is about honesty and being able to share your thoughts and feelings with that one person. You just need to be honest with him. Tell him "You used to shower every day and brush your teeth twice a day when we were first together and now it's only when I tell you to. I don't want to have sex when you're dirty and it grosses me out. Just because we're married doesn't mean that you can neglect your hygiene." When it comes to his toenails, just say "Ow you scratched me with your toenails. Please cut them" when you're snuggling in bed together. Or just keep at it "Honey you need to cut your toenails" and I think eventually he'd be more aware of it. Perhaps he doesn't know the degree of which it grosses you out. Dropping hints isn't helping and it's only causing you to get irritated. You need to be open and honest with him about it. You can also use positive reinforcement. When he gets out of the shower (without you telling him to) give him a good blow job and say something like "I love it when you're nice and clean".. maybe he'll get it in his head "I am one sexy beast when I'm clean" or say something like "You always smell so nice right out of the shower".

    Comment


    • To me, it sounds like he is depressed. Has he been to a doctor?
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

      Comment


      • Thank you for your replies
        I had an honest conversation with him last night and we'll see what comes out of it.
        He told me that he's gonna start showering as soon as he gets home after work. it seems to me like he procrastinates after he gets home from work because he just wants to relax, and then later in the day he's just too sleepy and tired and doesn't feel like showering anymore.
        I want to be understanding, but I also work long days and by the end of it all I want more than anything is a long warm shower, but I guess everyone's different. We'll see how he does today!
        I don't think he's depressed at all by the way, I see no others signs of this. I think he's just lazy

        Comment


        • Let us know if he keeps up showering every day.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

          Comment


          • Good luck lalala, let us know what happens!

            Comment


            • To some extent, a shower is work rather than relaxing. What about running him a bath to relax in (with a glass of wine and a little television)?

              Comment


              • So far he has been keeping it up! Laziness definitely got the best of him I believe.
                I can understand it to an extent, he spends 9h a day on his feet, so I can see how showering might not be as relaxing to him as it is to me.
                It's only been a week but I haven't felt the need to remind him of it anymore, he showers more than willingly and our sex life is back to normal. I think he definitely sees it as a good thing now

                Comment


                • Best wishes for the future.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                  Comment


                  • Well that is kinda gross for a man not to take shower daily. Have you told him that he needs to shower everyday with or without sex. You have to be frank with him as early as now.

                    Comment

                    Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                    Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                    Latest Posts in Our Forums

                    Collapse

                    • Reply to Top 5 Drinks Which Helps Lose Weight

                      Drinks containing ginger, carbonated water, apple cider vinegar, water, and protein shakes are top 5 drinks, which can help to lose weight....

                      Yesterday, 03:50 AM By TerenceBlacker
                    • Reply to Old member

                      If that's genuinely the lifestyle you want, then honestly, it's not that difficult to find those arrangements in the US. They are more and more common,...

                      02-20-2020, 08:03 AM By atskitty2
                    • Reply to I can't get over it!

                      I'm very sorry for your loss. That's a devastating loss that, I can imagine, could really never be fully recovered from. Have you been seeing a grief...

                      02-20-2020, 07:52 AM By atskitty2
                    • Reply to Old member

                      Kiyomi being not sure tells me that she is almost certain that she doesn't want to continue with the previous arrangement. It will be hard finding someone...

                      02-19-2020, 04:10 PM By jns
                    • Reply to Old member

                      I've talked with my ex and Kiyomi, he wants to get back together, Kiyomi is not sure about it. I'm bisexual and doubt I could ever be happy without having...

                      02-19-2020, 11:16 AM By chaya

                    Latest Topics in Our Forums

                    Collapse

                    • What do you mean by Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)?

                      Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, commonly known as PCOS is a health condition that affects 10 million women in the world. Genetics, as well as environmental...

                      02-18-2020, 10:51 PM By laiqadm
                    • I can't get over it!

                      My baby was stillborn. It's been two years now but still, I can't get over it. Also, I couldn't conceive after that. So, I am looking forward to adopting...

                      02-18-2020, 09:13 PM By Emily2020
                    • Old member

                      I haven't been on here for a long time. This forum helped me get my life together. Having reached a new low in my life, I'm back for more advice. I'm...

                      02-14-2020, 03:48 AM By chaya
                    • Can I bed my mother in law?

                      I'm 40 married. My wife is ok if I bed other woman as far as she don't know who it is and it's not in the same bed as hers. We had a open discussion on...

                      02-11-2020, 01:12 PM By sam.extcool
                    • Knowing when to push at the doctors?

                      Hello ladies!

                      A little bit of background. I am a 30yo mom of 3 kids (ages 10, 5, & 2) - I had all via c-section, also had my tubes...

                      02-10-2020, 02:30 PM By AnneDixon
                    Working...
                    X