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Hy Husband Wants a Threesome...

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  • Hy Husband Wants a Threesome...

    The idea of having a threesome makes me anxious. I won't deny that a part of me is curious
    because my husband is the only person I've ever had sex with, but there's an intimacy in knowing that,
    which makes me feel like inviting someone into our bed would ruin that for me. Still, I can tell he really
    wants to try it, because he keeps trying to get a definitive answer out of me, but I just don't have it.
    I can't say "yes" or "no" because I'm completely torn.

    He's completely open to either having a FFM or MMF, or even a couple. He wants me to feel comfortable,
    but when I think of another woman touching him it makes me jealous. My husband
    is not the jealous type at all, he told me point blank that he's had a fantasy to have him
    and another woman giving me all the attention. But I don't like being the
    center of attention, and because I wasn't overly touchy in the past relationships I find it hard to believe
    that I'd let someone touch me that intimately or vice versa. Plus, despite being a woman, I have no idea
    how to touch a woman! Touching another man makes me nervous.

    I've heard the suggestions of meeting a partner and discussing limits and comfortability, becoming friends essentially first, but
    I don't know that i want to know that person. For me, if I have this threesome and I genuinely like them as a friend, but didn't like the sex I feel like I could never look at them the same, that I'd be ashamed to. I realize that sounds ridiculous but, I can't really
    figure out how to explain it.

    So if I could get any advice, because my husband keeps bringing it up, and I keep being indecisive, which isn't fair to him.

    Are threesomes really okay?

    If I do decide to tell him no, how do I do that without him feeling like I don't have enough faith or trust in our relationship to have more open experiences?
    Last edited by BookWorm91; 04-03-2013, 10:24 PM.

  • Actually having a threesome is ringing a bell and it cannot be un-rung. Don't do it if you are not comfortable with doing it. I think many people, especially men, have such a fantasy. Most people keep it as a fantasy.

    Your husband wants a threesome with you being the center of attention. You don't want to be the center of attention. And another woman touching him would make you jealous. How about a MMF one where he is the center of attention? That is essentially what he is asking you to do.

    One thing, if you really want a fantasy that is unlikely to have any consequences around you, travel far away and have your fantasy there.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • You need to check your honest thoughts.

      Honest.

      I agree with JNS, if you were to do anything, it would be with a complete stranger so far away that no emotions could tempt either parter and that you saw it as an adventure shared together.

      Fantasies are that. Exactly, that.

      You also need to ask yourself if you are curious, or if you are trying to please.

      You also need to ask yourself is / would he really not be jealous? Curious? What if you orgasm more and hold it back but somehow he sees, if it was with a man.

      What if she does, more than you.

      There is alot to think about.

      Often in a way, I think fantasies are best left where they belong unless not in a committed relationship.

      I'm still trying to get my fiance to tie me to a tree But then, we've been together for nearly 4 years, you never know.......

      Point being sometimes, after being together so long, you don't try new things, you don't experiment, you don't find yourself intimately in a sensual way, rather sexual, and sometimes that is ALL that is actually missing between two people coupled with adventure.
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • I think you already have an answer: Maybe someday, but definitely not right now. You definitely are not ready for it right now. I doesn't even sound like something you really want right now. At the same time, you don't want to completely take it off the table. Maybe set a timeline. Two years from now reevalutate how you feel and if you are ready for it. But in the mean time, its not a discussion item. This way you don't feel pressured by it.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

        Comment


        • If you don't want to do it, then you don't want to do it. Simple; you're first reaction is your genuine reaction.

          The odds are your husband would be frightened anyway, if you and another woman aggressively came onto him demanding to be satisfied.

          Insisting on the MMF first usually takes the wind out of a man's sails re this subject.

          Don't be offended though, this is a very common and somewhat juvenile male fantasy. And just like most fantasies the reality isn't as good as you think it will be.

          There is no shame in not doing something you don't want to do if it doesn't 'ring your bell'.

          I would say that if this doesn't feel like a natural step you BOTH want to take then don't do it.

          If you really are curious then MAYBE try going to a swinging club and having sex with each other in front of the other couples without going any further.

          We all find certain things vulgar, bizarre, or just unappealing. I couldn't have an MMF with a woman I loved I don't think, unless we were in a very strong relationship with another couple who had similar values. Some can take this in their stride, others don't even want to consider the idea. If you're a non-consider, then you shouldn't have to defend your position to your own husband.
          No matter how objective we try to be, we all see through our own eyes...

          Comment


          • Sorry I just re-read your post, I didn't read it properly first time, sorry, long day.

            In answer to your question, yes, threesomes are OK. It's usually dealing with the aftermath that problems quickly bubble to the surface.

            Ask your husband, how he would feel if these very possible scenarios played themselves out:

            your husband watches you being pleasured by a man who was physically more attractive/better physique/bigger penis etc

            watches you derive more pleasure from another man than you do from him (even if only by sheer novelty value of a new partner)

            he doesn't enjoy the threesome or it goes wrong somehow for him, but you warm to the idea and find it additive/more-ish/much more fun than regular sex

            he realizes he can no longer satisfy you fully alone once you've gotten into the swing of swinging?

            It's a Pandora's box from which there is no complete return.
            No matter how objective we try to be, we all see through our own eyes...

            Comment


            • The results are unpredictable and, once done, can't be undone. So unless you are fully on board, don't risk it.

              Try telling your husband, "Honey, I love you so much and what we have together in the bedroom is just for us. I want to make it wonderful and exciting for both of us so I am willing to try different things, but I want it to be just us."

              Good luck

              Comment


              • I would suggest a safe way to put your toe in the water would be to have another couple over and agree to have sex openly, but stay with your own spouses. Just watching another couple have sex might help you, and he, decide if it's really something you want to take further.
                How you find such a couple I don't know.

                I would love to find a couple like that and have sex outside by our pool, something about the openness of it entices me, but I'm sure the reality of it would be quite different. Still, it's something I'd like to experience just once. I've never watched another couple have sex, even by accident.

                Comment


                • From what you've posted...

                  1) "my husband is the only person I've ever had sex with, but there's an intimacy in knowing that"

                  2) "when I think of another woman touching him it makes me jealous"

                  3) "I find it hard to believe that I'd let someone touch me that intimately or vice versa"

                  4) "but didn't like the sex I feel like I could never look at them the same, that I'd be ashamed to"

                  It sounds like you're being pressured into this situation by your husband. I think that a threesome would hurt your marriage badly, especially after read point #1. Avoid it at all costs, you aren't the type to gain from a threesome...

                  Just tell him plainly, men will try to manipulate their way of getting what they want sexually, but you need to stand up for what you believe. Your husband is oblivious to how detrimental a threesome would be on your part.

                  Comment


                  • You say that you are not the jealous type. Something tells me you might feel differently if you watched another woman doing your hubby. Many men have this fantacy but it's just that...a fantacy. Good luck

                    Comment

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