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If your husband looks at photos of nude children or child porn, what's his job?

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  • Originally posted by sp346 View Post
    The ASSUMPTION is that pedophiles are more like to be computer people. That is very different than saying computer people are more likely to be pedophiles.
    I don't see the difference. Unless my logic is bad, if a substantially large percentage of possessors of child pornography are computer people, then it follows that if you search among computer people then you'll be more likely to find them than in the general population.

    If that were true, then the danger would be looking at computer people with suspicion simply because of their work. That'd be like looking at "white men" with suspicion because 91% of people caught with child pornography fit that demographic. That's unreasonable. It's not wrong to just ask questions, which is all she did. It would be better to develop a comprehensive profile. It would take interesting facts and turn them into actionable information. And that may be what she's at the initial stages of doing, as BabyGirl mentioned.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

    Comment


    • Collecting adult porn is legal, and in many people's minds socially acceptable. Taking nudest pictures of adults and children is (in some areas) legal and in many people's minds socially acceptable. Where it gets tricky is that if someone does both the obvious question arises of whether they are taking the nudest pictures of children out of sexual interest, or if their liking of nudes is completely separate from their sexual interests.

      One hint is the type of nude pictures - are they in any way sexual?

      I like seeing erotic pictures of women. I like pictures of kittens. This does not mean that I have a sexual interest in kittens.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Stillness View Post
        I don't see the difference. Unless my logic is bad, if a substantially large percentage of possessors of child pornography are computer people, then it follows that if you search among computer people then you'll be more likely to find them than in the general population.
        Its the same logic as "all dogs are animals, but not all animals are dogs." Looking at statistics, its appears that most pedophiles are men. Then you can make an assumption a pedophile is most likely to be a male. That is very different than making the assumption that a male is most likely to be a pedophile. Does that make sense?
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

        Comment


        • Originally posted by sp346 View Post
          Its the same logic as "all dogs are animals, but not all animals are dogs." Looking at statistics, its appears that most pedophiles are men. Then you can make an assumption a pedophile is most likely to be a male. That is very different than making the assumption that a male is most likely to be a pedophile. Does that make sense?
          Yes, I think so. It's probably just wording. The modifier "all" changes things too. If the stats are to be accepted, a man is more likely to be a pedophile than a woman, but just because someone's a man doesn't mean he's most likely a pedophile. I think we agree.

          My concern at this point is that season1980 came here looking for support and she'll come back and find pages of debates, over a simple, valid question that has yet to be directly answered. Personally, I hope this thing gets on track because I'd like her to have answers and am curious myself whether some people mask their sexual interest in children behind jobs or hobbies. A lot of people who are into this kind of pornography actually victimize children. I think there is "common knowledge" that predators position themselves in careers or volunteer work that gives them access to children - coach, priest, tutor, etc. How true or common is that, really? Maybe it's not just computers or it's not computers at all, but maybe there are other things that people like this do.

          I think it could be an informative discussion.
          Last edited by Stillness; 04-09-2013, 09:48 PM. Reason: Change "men" to "people" - I'm PC
          "Those sowing seed with tears
          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

          Comment


          • adding to my post

            My goodness! A big thank you to those who read my posting with an open, clear mind instead of a narrow one with lots of their own preconceived notions or baggage. All I was trying to do was three things - First, I had a theory since it's come up a few times in my research (and I'm including my own experience here) to see if there was a pattern. Of course, not all men who work with computers are pedophiles! I never said that they were. It's sad that there are people who read what they want to read, instead of just focusing on what is really being written/said. I didn't think my post was going to cause all of this.

            But since downloading photos of naked children or child porn is a computer thing, then anyone with access to a computer can do whatever they please. Most work places automatically ban adult and inappropriate websites, so this stuff wouldn't be done at work. What I was trying to get at, would a husband (or wife, for those males out there), use their job as an excuse to always be at the computer at home to download and view this stuff as mine did? Since computers were his job, I was never suspicious...although there were times he would make a quick movement to change the screen or something when I did check on him. (Looking back now, I do find that odd). So I was wondering if anyone else experienced the same. Thus, I was wondering if those who experienced the same - had husbands who did this - did their husbands have a similar job and gave a similar excuse.

            So far I've learned that most of the people who download child porn are priests, doctors, police, clergy, teachers, coaches. I think that there were a couple of others listed, but I don't have that article handy at the moment. Police and doctors surprised me, but I'm not going to think any less of them, as I'm sure it's just a small percentage.

            Second, research. It kinda goes along with my theory. I also wanted to learn if someone who looks back on her (or his) experience with her husband (or wife) saw signs of him (or her, you know, I'm just going to going he, otherwise this is just going to get messy. He is the "neutral" pronoun in the English language anyway) acting odd when downloading this stuff. I've started writing down the signs that I saw, because this goes into my first reason, to warn others. I felt so dumb from not noticing this stuff earlier, especially when my friends keep asking me why I didn't notice sooner. I'd like to prevent others from this embarrassment. Or if the husband was caught, she could get out so she wouldn't get caught up in it if the images were indeed child porn.

            I've read elsewhere that guys who look at lots (read, obsessive amounts) of porn build sort of a tolerance and need something more daring/bizarre for their next fix. Once they do all that, then they start on children.

            Oh, Stillness has a good point, which I just saw. Although I think the world is way too PC, for the article, I'll try to be more neutral, including both genders.

            Anyway, thank you again for those who are supportive. I appreciate it.
            Last edited by season1980; 04-10-2013, 05:10 PM. Reason: the quick reply feature didn't work as well as I thought

            Comment



            • I will step Up and answer your Original Question " Season ".


              He was a Daycare Teacher.
              He was Prestigious Waiter in an Exclusive / Elite Restaurant before that here in Washington State,
              Prior to Washington State and our marriage.
              He was a Janitor and then a Substitution Teacher in a Middle School in California .

              We were Divorced but he got to see his Son and My daughter on Weekends .

              There was No Internet Porn, we didn't have the Internet back in 1990.
              He took his own Polaroids of My Daughter ,then 11, now 33.
              He also taught her how to Masturbate herself and through the Investigation of her case we eventually found out he Sodomized his own Son ( ours ) when he was 3 years old .

              His Photography of her in different Adult venues, Ladies Lingerie, his Voice on the old Cassette,taping of discussions with my Daughter, asking about her Teen Friends and if they talked about boys, were growing hair down there and were Boobs getting Bigger . He then told her that Masturbating was a Normal Female thing, but Not to tell MOM /ME that he taught her how too .

              These Items/ Evidence were found in his Apartment where he Lived above the Day Care .

              How I found out ??

              I opened her door one day, saw her Masturbating, " Professionally ", not just experimental as 11 year old's might . She of course stopped. and instead of Freaking out , myself having been Molested, I asked her what she was doing ?
              She said rubbing myself, I asked why ?
              She said a Woman does this to feel Good .
              I asked " how did you learn to do that "?
              She said " I Promised not to Tell you ".

              I left her door open , called the Police, explained what she said and within an Hour a Female Sexual Assault Officer came out. We then brought my daughter out to the Living Room and had a Discussion.The lady officer asked Questions, used " Dolls " and asked what she was Taught and by Whom.

              My daughter "HZ" (I use Initials here for Privacy Issues) then explained that " DAD Taught Me, but said not to tell Mom, She wouldn't understand ". the Lady Officer then asked more Questions and gathered more information.
              In gathering the information, we heard about her Posing for Pictures,Bathing suits ,Silky Panties and Frilly Bra's. also sitting in a Blow up Swimming pool in a Diaper, Sucking on a Baby Bottle.
              Posing for Photo's for "Dad."

              HZ wanted to be a Model and Models had to pose different ways . He knew this and was Grooming her !!
              Within 6 hours, he was arrested at the Day Care in his Apartment above it .
              They found the Tapes, we didn't know about them at all .
              They found the Polaroids of HZ, that was proof. They played the tapes, that's how we know he was " Grooming her " Discussions on her Friends that I let her spend Nights at,Things No " Father " should ask about .They found Ladies Lingerie that I even wouldn't wear.

              So there it is in a " Nut Shell ".. Are all Male or Female Teachers or Caretakers " Perverts or Child Molesters ". NO !! Are all Ex Husbands or Wife's Prone to look at or make their own child Porn ?
              A Solid NO !!

              We did not know that My Son DW was Sodomized for almost 3 months. The Dad plead Guilty, so no Trial, But DW asked once, why he could't see Daddy, We explained that Daddy did some not so good things to his Sister .
              DW then said , "I Got Burned in my Butt by Daddy, it hurt like a Hot Light Bulb was in my Butt ". Back to The DR's and Abuse case. DW's Anus was stretched above normal for a 3 1/2 year old, showed signs of " Penetration ".

              To Harmony..

              I took no offence of you using my son "DW" in an Example of What if he was ever Accused,just because he's a 26 year old Male that is a Virgin and doesn't want Sex at this time of his life .
              But I understand why he doesn't and and I know and believe that he will Never Force anyone or be Forced. like his one and only Girlfriend when he was 17, to pursue sexual encounters until he truly feels the Need in his own Soul.
              I believe that that is why he chose's to remain a Virgin.

              I still take no Offence at all from your post Harmony.. I like you too .
              And accusations and Stereotypes can ruin people lives True or False accusations can Ruin People lives.


              But Caution and what " Seasons " is looking for is a " Common Denominator " a " What to look out For ".
              Can and will help help in this New Age of Child Porn . It is As one see's it.
              A Naked Baby is a baby, but sexually reacting to it is of a Different Entity .
              A Diffident Disease should we dare say ?













              Comment


              • I'm sorry if I offend, but I wouldn't call it a 'disease', I'd call if a choice.... a sick choice. No excuse, no rationale. I dated someone for a while, and discovered that while I was at work, at my place, on MY computer, he was doing the porn thing. What he didnt' know was I had a program on my computer that could pull up deleted files and pictures. Not only was he doing 'regular' (if there is such a thing) porn, there were images of children in sick ways. Even down to babies... Took me a while to even understand what I was seeing. Instead of calling the police and showing them what i found, I destroyed the harddrive on that computer. How I wish I'd reacted differently and called the authorities... dates and time were all there and I was working and had proof of that when he was online. No escuse for that, for me, but have to believe he will eventually get what he deserves.

                Comment


                • Oh... forgot to add, his profession/job had nothing at all to do with children.

                  Comment


                  • I really need some help with this please!

                    Hi there everyone,

                    I am so glad I have found this forum as I have felt that the earth is in someway swallowing me up and I feel very suffocated...I've needed to talk to someone about it.

                    I started seeing a 35 year old man who still lives at home with his parents back in January of this year. 2 weeks into the relationship he told me that he has a desire to look at photos of children and that for the past 10 years he would sit on his laptop & download thousands & thousands of photos of young girls anywhere from about 6-11/12 years of age and get off to that.

                    What he has explained to me is that for him it was more about the 'chase', finding places that gave him access to these sort of photos was the challenge and it could take him hours to download them when he found them which added to the 'thrill of the chase'.

                    He has never touched a child and he claims to have absolutely no desire to do so because for him the actual ability to do anything sexual with them isn't even possible due to their size (and they clearly can't do what a woman can do in bed), but for him it's about it being 'wrong' and 'I shouldn't be looking at this'.
                    For years and years he felt he would never be turned on by a woman as they didn't look like the girls in the pictures and when he met me he felt he would struggle to be sexually aroused by me...in the 3 months we've been together that has definitely changed and we can have great sex but sometimes he does ask to be able to look at the photos whilst we're doing things as he says that helps to 'put him in the right mindframe'.

                    I have tried to be really understanding of this, I have told him that I don't think he is disgusting (even though to me it is morally wrong looking at a child that way) and I have allowed him (on the odd occasion) to look at the photos whilst we are having sex - not necessarily to get him turned on because I can do that but he says it helps to make him really horny because it's wrong and he shouldn't be looking at it whilst being intimate with me.

                    He told me that when he used to look at the photos it wasn't just the photos themselves that would turn him on...he would look at series and series of photos of the same girl for instance and to him it was like he was spending the day with him which helped him build that 'connection' with the girl (he says the connection is a huge thing for him which is why photos on their own can't do it for him). He would also chat to people on websites where they would role play an older man/younger girl scenario and that would help give him the 'visual' to the situation.

                    He hasn't really done any of this since we've been dating and he says to me that he doesn't feel he needs those photos anywhere near as much as he once did. He also can't look at any of the photos when he's not horny or 'in the mood' - and I have to add that the majority of the photos he enjoys are NOT of naked children (some of them are, he and I have gone through his collection together), but the majority are girls who are fully dressed but it's the provocative/seductive poses that get him going.

                    I know he is turned on by me and that has been a big step for him because he never thought he could be but I am terrified that he will continue to be turned on by children and I will forever wonder in the back of my mind 'What is he thinking when he sees a young girl like what he would be into previously?'

                    I don't know if I can ever let this go...I want to be able to help him through this and I know we have come a long way so far but I have no idea what on earth I can do.
                    I honestly try to bury my head in the sand sometimes and not think about it, but the past few days it has just consumed me and I don't know how to continue this relationship when he can't say for certainty that he won't ever NEED those photos again.

                    Do I just throw my hands up in the air and say 'Okay you can continue to look at your photos but just as long as you know you could never get from them what you get from me' or do I tell him that this can't continue and if he wants me he needs to find a way to get over this 'problem'.

                    He is a good guy in every other way and I would feel horrible for turning my back on him for something he can't control but sometimes I get sick to my stomach thinking he gets horny over a little girl and that he would fantasise about what it would be like to be with one (even though he knows fully well in his mind that the physics of that are just not possible for him).

                    He doesn't go to parks and watch children, he doesn't take photos of them, he just downloads them and uses them to get off...well, he used to but where do I draw that line?

                    I am struggling so much with this that any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated. I haven't told ANYONE about this because he trusted me with the information but I can't exactly tell him how I feel so I thought this place would be a good start for me.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Rhiannon86 View Post
                      He has never touched a child and he claims to have absolutely no desire to do so because for him the actual ability to do anything sexual with them isn't even possible due to their size (and they clearly can't do what a woman can do in bed), but for him it's about it being 'wrong' and 'I shouldn't be looking at this'...I have tried to be really understanding of this, I have told him that I don't think he is disgusting (even though to me it is morally wrong looking at a child that way) and I have allowed him (on the odd occasion) to look at the photos whilst we are having sex - not necessarily to get him turned on because I can do that but he says it helps to make him really horny because it's wrong and he shouldn't be looking at it whilst being intimate with me.
                      I think that whatever decision you make has to be realistic. An adult can be sexual with a child, regardless of their size. It's happening right now all over the world. So this claim that it's physically impossible is false.

                      I think the questions you're already asking, like what happens in his mind when he sees a child, are excellent. I would ask my self other questions, like, "What does it say about the person that I care about that they get sexual pleasure from the abuse of a child? Why do they need something "wrong" to be done to a child to get really excited? Why do they want to include me in this "wrongness?" What does it say about me and our relationship that I let them?"

                      One of the problems I have with this is that in some way he could be contributing to the abuse of children if he's part of a network that's sharing child pornography or paying for it. Even if he's just encouraging it and getting it for free, he's playing a role in an environment that hurts children. It's a sickening thought to hurt babies - at least it should be. How do you feel about children? Do you want to use them? Because in a way, you are, since you let your man get "really horny" by looking at them while he was being intimate with you. How could you do that if you think it's "morally wrong"? What would you want to do to someone who was using the children in your family or that you care about?

                      Maybe you should start your own thread if you want to discuss more and want more help from the community. You (and now me) are kinda highjacking the original poster's thread.
                      "Those sowing seed with tears
                      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                      Comment


                      • Here are some realities you need to deal with:

                        1) He will always have this fetish for collecting and looking at these types of pictures. It will never completely go away. Its like trying to cure somebody of their attraction to women with big breasts. He can learn to live with it and manage it so he never acts on this behavior. But remember, he will always have this desire.

                        2) If these pictures are sexualized, then that is illegal. Him having posession of them is a crime and you may be an accessary to a crime as well. I'm not a lawyer, but you are walking a fine line.

                        My recommendation of him is to see a therapist. There are people who specialize in this stuff (you really have to look hard because there are very few). If he is thrilled by the chase, maybe just downloading the pictures will not be enough of a thrill down the road and he will want to push the boundaries of the chase and doing something "wrong". He needs proffesional help to keep himself in line.

                        You need to really think about if you can live with the above points I have made. You may be able to anchore him and keep him from living out his fantasies, but are you prepared for that type of responsibility for the rest of your life?
                        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                        Comment

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