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Advice, Needed

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  • Advice, Needed

    I am a woman that has been with a man for thirteen years and married for only two. My husband and I have been separated for now five years and within the five years we both have gone on with our lives’ within the last two years because I did not come back to him over he asking me to come over to the house I always refused due to the hurt/pain I went through with this man he now just had a child with this woman last month. My husband and I have always wanted to be together but could not have been under which the circumstance hold. I four years ago filed for a divorce he was served signed the papers and mailed them back in as he informed me at that time he was not going to contest anything. So over the years we both never received our divorce documents which in March he just so called and was informed due to he did not complete the forms it was pending, we both at that moment decided we did not want to go through with it. My husband over the years did not treat me right within the 13yrs. We’ve been back in forth a few times as well I had always moved in with him and then been asked to leave of course when we get into it really bad never physical just emotional distress at all angles we both have children from previous relationship’s and also have a child together as well, you see my husband was never there for me and when I say for me his daughter did not care for me and neither did his parents, he would say to me you discipline my daughter the same way you discipline yours and so I did but behind my back he also would tell her if you don’t like something too tell me and so this what was going on in our place of living until one day I completely gotten so fed up I told him to deal with her himself I have nothing more to do with her when it came to discipline, I was so at my ropes with this to where I would not take my own kids anywhere because I would have to take her, she would say things to him oh daddy (guys) was talking to her why we would be driving somewhere she also would tell anything just to have us to argue, at the time he could not see it ....... so I did feel alone and ****ed to where I totally had nothing nothing to do with this kid. now his parent's (wow) I say racist within their own race so because I’m lighter than my husband much lighter she doesn’t like me also bias as a person they both are, so when things where ugly within the home he goes to tell everything so of course this compounds the hate/dislike for me. So now five years has passed and just last year I was speaking to my husband and he apologized to me about everything and how he now know he was not there for me as he should have been as a man is to his wife he says’ he loves’ due to him apologizing I do feel the true sincerity within him, and informed him I had been waiting for those words and for him to finally get it he also now have been speaking to me about the Bible as I am so flattered because this is unlike him. He and I have been seeing each other romantically we have been talking and have decided to work on us but there's a problem he just had a child with this woman. So I’m asking are we both wrong for wanting to stay married and working things out for good?

  • I'm really sorry but it was very difficult following your story. You needed to put in a few commas, periods, semi-colons and paragraph breaks. BUT, if I read it correctly you've put up with a lot and you are not currently together. You may be legally married but in no way are you together as a couple. I suggest you get your divorce, move on with your life, and find someone that will be true to you. He now has a new child. He must be in and help that child as much as he can. Don't be fooled a second time but if you decide to get back with him take your time, get to know the real him prior to making any commitment should you decide to get back with him.
    That which we forget may as well never really happened.


    • Thank you Claret for your comment,
      However I do see a huge change within him' what I failed to input into the post is that we have always been saying we love one another and he has always wanted me back into his life; however it was I that stayed away due to all the crap I had gone through throughout the years. we both was not communicating much with one another other than speaking about our child "But when he said to me last year he apologized about everything he had done, he explained it was stupid and he had no idea on how to be the man that he was suppose to be for me and our kids, at that moment I truly felt he was being honest and the sincerity within his voice. (Yes) he has met someone and has a child but all awhile he would still say to me he miss all of us and really would like us to have been together. So I feel because of me always pushing him away not wanting to be bothered, he went on and found himself with this girl trying to move on. But as the Old Isley Brother's song go “If You Can't Love the One You Want You Got TO Love the One You’re with”. This is what I do believe within my heart.

      At this point (NO) not at all will I rush back with him, we are both taking our time and he does say he has to take care of his issue: the child that was just born; he as well feel so deeply about renewing our relationship and being what we are to be to one another. Trust me by no means will I rush back after all this I have gone through. We both are at the point of talking a lot to understand where we’re both at now mentally he has been reading a lot (Bible and other books) were we both have such a understanding and the communication now is great, where about during the years was dead and such a lack of communication, he was so quick to always question me when I would talk to him about certain things. SO I hear you and this is the reason for me to post this because I will like to hear other’s and their views.
      Again thank you for your comment.


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