Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

A old Friend

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • A old Friend

    WHile Me and my husband has been married almost 5 years and through out our marrage he has mantained a friendship with a lady that 1)he use to date 2) he dated while we where on a break (and I was pregnant). He says they are just friends someone he can talk to but he has lied about meeting her to "workout" and she has been in our home while I was at work. I feel disrespected when my husband and I are spending time together and her is txting her. I say something he feels like I am belittling him or if i ask hime where he is going. He said that I dont treat him like a man because i want to know where he is going. I'm not trying to be his mom im just trying to have a open and honest marrage. I have a problem with that women for being in my home while I'm at work. I dont like her because of the on going lies that he tells about her. Its clear that he wont stop talking to her and that they are friends. My husband thinks I dont trust him and he is hurt by that. He flat out said that he didnt know if we would be together if it was not for our children. I know that no marrage is perfect but we are at a stand still in ours. I dont want to lose this marrage or my family we have worked so hard to make it. How do I get over this friendship and except it? Txting is a diffrent story from taking the friend to events with the rest of you friends and coworker and you wife isnt there. Can someone PLEASE HELP ME

  • this screams of "something's fishy" to me! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for platonic friendships between people of the opposite sex, even if they've previously dated. It can happen, and it CAN be appropriate, however, there needs to be some pretty clear lines and honesty between those friends and their significant others.

    The fact that he's lying to you about her being in your home when you're gone, and texting her when he should be paying attention to you are both red flags. I also don't have a good feeling about how defensive he gets when you're asking where he is going. You're his WIFE for crying out loud! You're not his warden, but it certainly isn't offensive to tell your wife what you're up to when you leave the house! That's just plain old common courtesy. I'm not saying there's something going on between them. I'm only saying that your gut feeling that something is "off" should probably be listened to.

    Side question.. have you seen any of these texts between him and his friend? Does he allow you to read them?

    The success of a marriage takes two people. This isn't about you "getting over" or "Accepting" his friendship with this woman as it is. This is about you and your husband being able to communicate, FAIRLY, about what it is that bothers you about the situation, and then coming up with a solution that will meet both your needs. If he shuts down when you try to talk, you might want to seek out the help of a counselor. Would your husband be willing to seek marriage counseling with you? Not necessarily about this issue alone, but about the comment you said that he's not sure you'd be together if it weren't for the kids, and you're at a stand-still. Based on the few sentences you've provided here, you two seem to be at a turning point.. things can either get much worse, or much better. If you two really want to try to fix what's wrong, you should get some open lines of communication. And if you can't communicate right now, you should get some counseling to help you both figure out how to communicate in a way you both feel you're being understood.

    Comment


    • I'm sorry and you have every right to be mad at him and he has no right to use "words" to try to make you feel guilty when he is in the wrong.

      You do not have another person in a marital home of a different sex, when the other is not at home. Especially someone whom he has previously dated. That is disrespectful.

      The fact that he has stated to you that he wouldn't be with you (he doesn't think), if it wasn't for the children in my opinion, has meaning.

      You are worth more than that aren't you? I do appreciate that marriage is about commitment and should be for life but if the other party is not prepared to see clearly of concerns and hurt and help towards making someone feel safe and secure is it worth constantly living in that pain and or fear?

      I think you need to stand your ground so you can see just what you personally do mean to your husband.

      If not an affair in life, it sounds like an emotional affair at least. Someone he relates to and talks to and not you.

      You shouldn't have to ask your husband where he is going, you should be wanting only to know when he will be home as you miss him. He does not sound like a loving husband to me.
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • Originally posted by KMonte85 View Post
        this screams of "something's fishy" to me! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for platonic friendships between people of the opposite sex, even if they've previously dated. It can happen, and it CAN be appropriate, however, there needs to be some pretty clear lines and honesty between those friends and their significant others.

        The fact that he's lying to you about her being in your home when you're gone, and texting her when he should be paying attention to you are both red flags. I also don't have a good feeling about how defensive he gets when you're asking where he is going. You're his WIFE for crying out loud! You're not his warden, but it certainly isn't offensive to tell your wife what you're up to when you leave the house! That's just plain old common courtesy. I'm not saying there's something going on between them. I'm only saying that your gut feeling that something is "off" should probably be listened to.

        Side question.. have you seen any of these texts between him and his friend? Does he allow you to read them?

        The success of a marriage takes two people. This isn't about you "getting over" or "Accepting" his friendship with this woman as it is. This is about you and your husband being able to communicate, FAIRLY, about what it is that bothers you about the situation, and then coming up with a solution that will meet both your needs. If he shuts down when you try to talk, you might want to seek out the help of a counselor. Would your husband be willing to seek marriage counseling with you? Not necessarily about this issue alone, but about the comment you said that he's not sure you'd be together if it weren't for the kids, and you're at a stand-still. Based on the few sentences you've provided here, you two seem to be at a turning point.. things can either get much worse, or much better. If you two really want to try to fix what's wrong, you should get some open lines of communication. And if you can't communicate right now, you should get some counseling to help you both figure out how to communicate in a way you both feel you're being understood.
        Thanks for the advise I want this marrage to work and so does he (so he says) I can be pushy sometimes but when I go out he knows who what when where why and for how long if i know. I picture us on a swing watching our great grandkids play like we always planned. I miss how we use to be but when I try to tell him how i feel it just comes out wrong! im so lost and said and lonely. But when we make love its like nothing in the world can break us and the connetion is beautiful I want that again

        Comment


        • Array he IS very loving and about %90 of the time we are happy its the %10 of bad that is bad and our communacation shuts down.

          Comment

          Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

          Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

          Latest Posts in Our Forums

          Collapse

          Latest Topics in Our Forums

          Collapse

          Working...
          X