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my fella is sending me crazy

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  • my fella is sending me crazy

    well where do i start, ive been with my partner 15 years and knew he was bi when we met, but he was totally honest about it.
    i even mentioned i thought i was bi and nothing more was said.
    he rarely met men, and was a doting boyfriend. Then out of the blue, he wanted to bring bi men home and have threesomes, inc me!!
    yes i tried it a few times but it wasnt for me, he continued to meet men every once in a while.
    8 weeks ago he announced hed met a woman who was bi and he had met her when he went to a couples house who were into BDSM where my boyfriend dressed as a woman and was submissive for the couple and this other woman.
    she was also bi. something i had lied about according to him!! he said he had feelings for her and couldnt stop seeing her but she was married. i was gutted...he then decided he didnt love me and wanted me to leave.
    i cried and cried, then he messaged her that he didnt want to see her anymore because he wanted to work things out with me,,,he ended his message to her with....I will always love you.
    she then replied saying she really did love him but he had to do what would make him most happy,
    that set him off again saying to me. if i loved him id let him go.
    It then came out that he was dressing as a woman and going to gay saunas for sex with men.
    now, he still does that but, hes bought lots of bdsm toys.which i found hidden!! .I accused him of cheating still and that he mustve bought the bondage gear for him and her. so ive been repeating this over the last 6 weeks because all hes done is tell me we are over, he doesnt love me etc.
    he isnt in touch with this woman or the couple and im pretty sure of that but , he then said if i want to stay with him, i have to be a bi sexual swinger!! and willing to do oral sex with men and women!!!
    we have had physical fights and ive hit him and hurt him alot of times which im not proud of.
    every so often , ive blown up and given him what for and how dare he do all this to me....
    he says its who he is and i accept it or leave.... we are in our early 50s and its all so seedy in my mind. He even said if i had joined in with his men and him, he wouldnt have had to stray, plus she was bi and id lied saying i was bi and had let him down..
    he also wants me to go to a swingers club which is near my sons and if i dont he will dump me! even though ive said if i was seen going in my son would dis own me.
    He has been great with me the last 2 days out of 2 months and i do feel like things are improving......BUT!! HE DIDNT TOUCH ME OR HOLD ME OR KISS ME FOR 2 MONTHS!!
    now we are at, that we are back together and ive agreed to a threesome occasionally or a couple and i dont have to be bi....very good of him , dont you think? not!!
    hes also saying the bondage toys are new, and i can inspect them to see, and that he bought them for me, no one else!!!
    i now feel that ive given in just to keep him and i feel a fool.
    i love him so much and he admits he loves me and never wanted to hurt me.
    but if i do as he wishes, how long before hes pushing for more or even cheating again?
    help me folks please xx

  • It sounds like he started to believe you two had an open relationship after the threesomes. This is one of the problems with threesomes. Then he got to act out some of his fantasies. Now he wants back together under new terms, terms that are not making you happy.

    I don't think he'll stay within the bounds he suggested. He seems to go beyond the bounds when it is convenient for him. He may get it out of his system after a while, he may not. The question you have to ask yourself is: "Can I go on this way?" Most women could not, but some would make their peace with it and continue.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • thankyou, for your reply .x is it possible that he might get it out of his system?

      Comment


      • You need to sit down with him and figure out what each of you wants and expects in the relationship. It seems that he has made all sorts of assumptions about what would be OK with you without asking.

        There is nothing wrong with people being bi, but it does not give them a right to have sex outside of their relationship unless they have specifically agreed that it is OK with their partner.

        I doubt he will grow out of it.

        Comment


        • First, it sounds like he crossed boundaries that made you very uncomfortable. whether or not he knew he did it, I am not sure but you don't feel comfortable and that is what is important.
          The sex topic: If you are not comfortable with something , then don't do it. If he doesn't understand that, then you guys need a sit down talk!

          The relationship topic: If he will only stay with you if you do what he asks during sex, what kind of relationship is that. You need a relationship not someone just to have sex with.

          Comment

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