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Potential groomsman secretly got married

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  • Potential groomsman secretly got married

    I'm new here, but needed a place to vent and seek some outside opinions.

    My fiance and I have been engaged since October and have slowly been putting wedding ideas together. One of the first things he was certain of were the guys he wanted to ask to be groomsmen. He called them all up within days of proposing and let them know that we're getting married and that he wants them in the wedding. Because the wedding is still a year and a half away, nothing was set in stone, but he was really excited to have that at least partly figured out.

    One of the guys (let's call him B) has been the fiance's friend since they were in elementary school. He lives in another state, but I've seen him a handful of times and I know they've always been good friends. B was one of the first guys called and we were excited to have him be part of the wedding.
    Fast forward to a couple of days ago. I was browsing through facebook and saw pictures of B with a caption congratulating him on getting married. I texted my fiance and said "I didn't know B was getting married or even seeing anyone." His response was, "neither did I."

    Needless to say, my fiance is clearly upset about finding out this way. He didn't expect to be in the wedding or even invited since it looked to be very small and informal (she had on a colorful sundress and there were hardly any people), but he wasn't even aware that B was dating anyone. He said something along the lines of, "I asked him to be in our wedding and he didn't even tell me about theirs before or after the fact."

    We haven't talked much about it and I'm not sure what to do. It's up to him whether to include B in the wedding since it's his friend, but I'm not really sure what to say if he asks what I think about it.
    I also haven't said anything to B about it, though I've been tempted to send a short message his way letting him know that my fiance's a little upset. I don't think I will since I don't want to unintentionally create problems, but it's really hard not to do anything.

    I guess that was more of a rant than anything, but it's been bugging me.

  • I think that this has to be a boy thing, man to man talk.

    Casual question that resolves with answers.

    This is his friend and certainly you will be upset but there could be a number of reasons such as affordability, if he asked your fiance, who would pay for him to go over, it was a small wedding and perhaps that was due to affordability too.

    Also the friendship may be a good one but not solid, as in a handful of times is "mates" if there has been no further communication on going, sometimes people class someone as a good friend but, they really are distant and don't therefore disclose their full lives as both live in different worlds.

    In addition, he may have changed somewhat.. Wanted his relationship private his live private..

    There are an abundance of possibles.

    Man to man discussion about it in a chatty way... is my suggestion, it's not "our " conversation as women as it is his friend.


    • I agree with CW. It's for the boys to work out or not work out. Lots of possible reasons we could guess at, but it your fiance will decide what to do. If he asks you, listen carefully for what he is REALLY asking you for and be supportive.


      • Do they typically have the sort of friendship where they discuss things like women and their relationships? A lot of men I know don't talk about those things with friends so perhaps B just didn't feel comfortable mentioning it, especially since he knew it would be a small wedding and he wasn't going to invite many friends. I can see how you would feel frustrated, especially on your fiance's behalf. I agree with Pollon though, you just need to be supportive of whatever your SO wants to do in this situation.


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