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In love with husband's friend

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  • In love with husband's friend

    I need feedback good opinions asap!
    Please help if u can.
    Long story short
    I'm married for 16 yrs, my husband is 10 yrs older and very aggressive mannered , all of our friends knows this , always been that way , not allowed to go out with friends, everything has to be his way always
    If i talk back ,argue back calling me horrible names , ******** , ****************ing piece of ********, retard, ****************ing semen!! Stupid , idiot,not a mother a **********,I could go on and on but u get the point.
    Put up with it , he pretty much isolated me from everybody, also have 3 kids
    We had good times too but i always went along whatever he wanted to do ,
    About a year ago he met a guy they have a same hobby and he's coming often here, has a daughter, raising by himself
    I know him for more then a year now And about a month ago , out of nowhere ( my marriage lowest point)i completely have fallen for him, i cant function , i feel like a 16 yrs old , dream about him all day long
    He is a gentleman so he would not start anything but I feel like im soo in love with him
    My husband is the kind of guy who would kill for this stuff, and i am serious

  • You shouldn't have to live with someone like your husband who doesn't treat you well. Is divorce an option?


    • Divorce is an option , he is working on me psychologically not to do it , because the kids are the most important and we have so much history together blah blah
      Should i tell the friend how I feel , it is not a fling i am so in love with him...


      • I think it is important for children to see their parents in a loving relationship. Children are very perceptive, if you and your husband are not happy together they will know it. Better to divorce that to stay where you are not happy. History together doesn't matter if it isn't happy history. I understand though that there are often serious practical issues in a divorce.

        I think it is better to be out of this unhappy marriage before you get into another relationship. When you are in a bad relationship, other options can seem so appealing, but you may just be someone in a shipwreck clinging to the first thing that floats. Once you are separated you can pursue your relationship with this other man and see how things go.

        As always people giving advice on the web don't have the complete picture, and so the suggestions can be very wrong.


        • I think you are right, and this is what worries me ,do I really love this other guy or I'm just so desperate that just going with the first man, although there is not one thing i don't like about him , high respect for women
          Single dad doing his best
          His opinions are awesome
          Served our country
          Good looking
          His voice is to die for

          I never looked at another man in 16 years nor I ever been this attracted to somebody
          Also because my husband is senses something , all of a sudden this guy is his best friend, go figure


          • This other guy might be perfect for you - but I think you need to be out of this marriage so you can think with a clear head.

            If you express your feelings to this other guy you will wind up cheating. Then you will start to feel that the problems in your marriage are your fault and things will get ugly and confusing.

            I hope someone else comments on this so you get more opinions.


            • Originally posted by rcoreyus View Post
              This other guy might be perfect for you - but I think you need to be out of this marriage so you can think with a clear head.

              If you express your feelings to this other guy you will wind up cheating. Then you will start to feel that the problems in your marriage are your fault and things will get ugly and confusing.

              This ^^^^

              Your husband is the one that is all those ******************************************** things. If he does and says that in front of the kids do you really want them to turn out the same way? They'll see it as the normal way.

              Good luck, you and the kids deserve better.
              Contact a shelter to help you and the kids get out if really are concerned physically, no one should have to live like that.


              • You've met a person who has sparked your interests, and opened your eyes to what a mate CAN/SHOULD be like. Basically, you've had an awakening.

                Could this be serious, true love? Sure. But, as rcoreyus has said, it could also be that your current situation is causing you to look elsewhere. In any case, it's evident that you are unhappy with your life at home and need to make some decisions for yourself.

                Before pursuing anything with this new gentleman, you need to address what's going on internally with your marriage. If your husband is verbally abusive, abrasive, and you want out, set the stage for that.. get the paperwork in order.

                Focus on that first, the rest will come later. And let me tell you, it will be a LOT easier to make a relationship work with a guy you're in love with if you're SINGLE.


                • I am so appreciative for all of you who helps me with my problem, you all so right , everything should be in order , separation, divorce then new relationship, but who can really focus and do that? I am head over heel for him and I dont even know if he likes me or not or he would consider anything because I'm his friend's wife , but I just literally can not function , I did try to forget him but I can't, I dont know how to do it even if he does not think of me the way I think of him.....


                  • Your reasons for leaving your marriage have nothing to do with this other man, even if he didn't exist, you should still leave.


                    • Have a think about what you are writing.

                      Isn't it every girls fantasy to have a happy ending? To feel like a princess?

                      What's occuring is this. You've finally realised you have been a victim of emotional and verbal abuse for years and are not in love with your husband and haven't been for a long time. That you have been in a controlling relationship whereby there is no one. Just you. Your kids.

                      Along comes "A" guy.. And, you can see the grass is greener on the other side, you so want that badly, after all 16 years is a long time to live in a loveless, abusive relationship, where you have been controlled.

                      Off course you fantasize about this man, in every way shape and form, it's what you've missed so badly... And, so, it's the realisation of where you are at and where you want to be that is happening.

                      One person. Just one. Has entered your life, un-beknown to your husband, this person has shown the way for you. Opened your eyes of what lays ahead.

                      You don't really know if he's the one. You are in love with the idea of love and so you should be.

                      Divorce. Smile and laugh with your children. Get out there and make friends, be free, yourself finally. Then let nature do it's course.

                      We learn from everything in life. Do not get involved with anyone like that again, you are worth more.
                      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                      • Thanks for all of u again, I have to tell you guys its not as easy as we write these things down...maybe I do not have the audacity...maybe I do feel already guilty that I did look at another man....maybe if I would not fall for him I would be in content what I have or not have...I have a doubtful morning


                        • Cross road.

                          Ok, so write down a list left hand side positives and right, negatives about your entire 16 years in this marriage. Then write down your wish list, of what you've dreamed of and wanted to do and then ask seriously whether you are doing any of them, whether you can do any of them or whether you are blocked from doing any of them.

                          Then re-read it all over and over.
                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                          • Keep in mind what you described is clearly abuse by my standards. Once an abuser...always one. A word of advice. Stay away from the friend. I know you desire him...but you can't trust your emotions due to your intense feelings of desperation. In addition, it could get messy and dangerous quickly if your trying to end a marriage and your husband thinks your cheating. You want him to clearly understand your ending it because he is a terrible person who you never thought could ever treat you so poorly. Good for you for realizing you deserve better. Just b careful. Remember you are your kids role model. You don't want to raise them thinking how he treats u is OK.
                            Last edited by jslater; 08-16-2013, 08:04 PM.
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