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is it over?

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  • is it over?

    i think me and david are done. i am just trying to find a way to tell him and make sure the right process is done. i think i am going to talk to a lawyer tomorrow if i can fit it into my work.
    the night before last night he stayed up until 5 looking on dating sites
    last night he was up all night looking up dating sites, and created another email address so he can actual email them. he sent an email to some chick asking to met with her sometime
    i am so confused because he has actually been on his good behavior this week. even washed my pillow the day i got back from moriarty because the little dog peed on it. dried it AND had it on the bed with a pillow case
    shocked the hell out of me
    and he has done the dishes 3 x this week without me asking.
    he is still coming home later. around 6:30 or 7:30 and says he is "working" being as i never saw his times sheets i dont know. but on thrusday, i was able to log into his work credit card account.
    for a year now he has been telling me that he only gets paid 200.00 every week. that is why i am paying the family insurance which is taking half my check literally. i went from getting 1000 every 2 weeks to getting 500 every 2 weeks. so i still pay the house payments 800/moth. with my other 200 --300 i pay my cell, the internet and my student loan. i have been struggling.
    david was to pay the gas, the electric and the water and groceries. so gas is just 25 because the only thing on gas is the heater, the electric runs 190-225 and the water is 80-100. but because he only made 800 a month i thought it was "FAIR"
    the joke is on me my cousin
    he makes 460+ to 580+
    a ********ING WEEK!!!
    last 2 months he did not pay the electric
    so just the water
    he made 2000. and paid out 100 for the water. he hasnt gotten groceries since the little boys went to moriarty in may
    so what did he spend 1900 on? hell i dont know
    ok. he has to get gas to go to clovis so what 100 a week. 400 a month. still leave 1500. if it even takes a 100
    then he pays his truck insurance cuz he cant be caught without that so lets just say another 100. but i think it is more like 50 to 70 per month. still leaves 1400
    still more then what i make a month
    i asked him (didnt tell him i knew what he made) and he said he cant remember what all he spent his money on last month or any other month. i told him you had money and you have nothing to show for it. he just said yep
    oh right an lets not forget his ********ing beer. idk what he spends probably around 100 a week. still lieave 1300
    but it really not the money. although it buggs the ******** out of me
    it is the fact that he is looking for a date.
    he has gotten cagey about his phone again
    wont let me near it
    i kept asking myself for the past 8 month, why is he here. why does he stay because he is showing all the signs of not wanting to be here. no matter what i did or what i said, he still acting like he dont want to be here.
    after the little boys went to moriarty, he was staying out all night, drinking alot more. when he does come home he is going out to the garage and styaing out there until 11 then comes in and goes to bed
    if i try to talk to him while he is in bed he pretends to be asleep
    i am tired.
    i tried so hard
    i cant make him love me
    i just cant figure out why he is sending me mixed signals
    some times being all lovey....i think it is guilty concieous. i think he cheated on me and then "ACTS" all right at home
    and i keep waiting for him to leave
    like he always does
    very hard to act when you think any day now he is going to just not come home at all
    but he is still here. giving me a kiss every morning. gets on dating sites all night then wants to have sex with me at 3 in the morning
    that was just last week and the first time i said no (dont feel like being used like that, sorry)
    but other times we had sex, some of it really good too. now i dont know what to think
    o and he paid my cell phone payment last week cuz i had to pay the electric as it got turned off and that is how i found out he hasnt paid for it
    for 2 months
    anyhow...i kept asking myself when is he going to leave and why is he doing this or that and why is he staying
    and then it dawned on me friday nite
    why am i staying?
    why should i stay with him if he treats me like crap, does whatever he wants, cleaning his house, making dinner, washing his clothes, taking care of the bills, cleaning the yard, taking care of my car cuz he could care less,
    all the while he is looking to find someone online for a ********?
    how stupid am i
    i mean i love him but i dont like being treated this way
    i dont like wondering where my husband and if or who he is ********ing
    i think he is on drugs again
    i think he is cheating on me
    at least if not physcially then he is texting and talking to other women
    i really am done
    i cant do this anymore
    i cant live this way
    my heart hurts but i feel like i will be better off without him
    i dont want the kids to have a broken home and have divorced parents.
    but why stay with him if he is going to be doing that ********
    i have no idea what to do
    i mean ya i could seduce him and it will be fine for a little while but he has done this over and over and over
    he is just not committed to this relationship
    amd i am tired of being the only one trying to make this marriage and family work
    i have put up with som much of his ********
    and his faults
    and i just cant do it anymore
    i dont even know how to begin to tell him
    and i want to make sure i have all my ducks in a row before i tell him
    he here is acting like nothing is going on
    like he didnt just spend the WHOLE night talking to other women and trying to met them. looking at naked pic and ********
    he has 2 profiles on the xmeeting.com
    and one on flirt hook up dot com
    he created a new email and has emailed some
    asking if they could get together
    and maybe they can exchange phone numbers
    this has been going on for a month
    at first he was just looking
    now he is emailling them
    i have a key logger for lyric i guess he forgot since she moved out
    maybe he knows and wants me to know so that i will tell him it is over because he obviously doesnt have the balls to tell me
    he doesnt want to change
    or fix it
    just these last 3 months have proven that. i have talked and talked and talked to him
    asked him what is wrong
    what does he want me to do
    what am i doing wrong
    what else can i do to show him i lvoe him
    he doesnt care
    i am convenient
    and it is not like i am looking for this ********
    i havent tracked him with my tracker for over a year
    but of course he still says i am
    i havent followed or gone looking for him in a year
    but he still thinks i do
    guilty concious
    anyhow, i am a little scared
    i dont want to be divorced
    i dont know what i am going to do in the future
    hell i dont even know how to get started or what to do to get a divorce
    i really wish he would put as much effort into our marriage as he is with these dating sites and strange women
    mom says to wait a few more years
    but i just cant take it anymore
    i even tried changing myself
    to look younger
    lose weight and i have lost alot but my belly just will not flatten no matter what i do
    5 kids 8 pregnacies does that to a body i guess
    hell idk anymore
    i feel scared and lost

  • Wow... That is a lot. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I have unfortunately been down that road and it is difficult and heart breaking especially with kids involved. But the rules here are simple. You have to do what is right for yourself to be happy even if it means you leave him. To me, being happy and alone raising my kids is better than being married, miserable and constantly fighting in front of them. I'm sure your kids can feel the unhappiness and are affected by what is happening in your house too. In broken relationships there is enough blame to go around so my best advice is to seek professional help. If he wants it great... if he doesn't... You still should seek help. If he doesn't see a problem and isn't interested in saving your marriage... you really have no choice but to leave him. It sounds like he no longer has respect for you and you trying to please him will only make it worse for you. The fact that you were tracking him, checking in on his emails, business, etc. tells me there were problems for a long time. That is not normal behavior in a healthy relationship. No trust...no relationship. Without his perspective it's hard to guauge everything going on but one thing is for sure... it's not working and no matter how hard you try you can't make him be something he isn't and you cannot change him. He has to see his own errors and want to change for himself... just as you will have to do. Maybe leaving him will open his eyes... Maybe it won't... But you have to do what is best for you and your kids. Do you have any family or friends that can help if you leave him? Again so sorry... I know it's hard and I know your exhausted, but know that do you have the strength in you to do what you have to do. I really hope you can get some professional advice to help guide you through such a difficult time.
    "Be the change you want to see in the world" - Mahatma Ghandi


    • A Marriage is about equality. This is not an equal marriage if he is hiding funds from you and stressing you out to the max, you have to confront him on this note I think, and the easiest way is to put the bills on the table and split them in half and tell him you want xyz per week. When he claims he doesn't have that type of money tell him what you established. If he still refuses then are you not being used?

      As for dating sites, something obviously is missing and I feel you've exhausted your avenues and tried different angles, wish I knew of an answer for you, yes, age does play a different role in things, people grow up.. MAYBE he will, but for now it seems he is doing what he wants to do and only what he wants to do.

      Can you talk about this side to your family and see what their suggestion is?


      • yes, i have support from my parents and other family members. i dont think any of my family would be upset if i did divorce him. thing have not been good for a long time now. i know but it is still hard to take that step. i actually have the divorce papers (our courts sell a packet for 20.00) and will have the ready. i do think it is just a matter of time and that time is getting closer and closer. so i need to be prepared. i finally figured it out that it is "NOT" me and what i am doing. he is really good at manipulating me and twisting it to be my fault or just making me feel guilty or bad about something.


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