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I feel trapped!!!

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  • I feel trapped!!!

    I live with my boyfriend of 20 months but feel as if the relationship has come to an end.

    We havent had sex for 9 weeks, i have tried everything (lingerie, teasing him, suggesting more adventurous things, inviting him to my shower, asking him what he wants me/us/him to do etc) but he just doesnt seem interested - iv asked him if there's anything wrong - after a few days he came back to me saying he was nervous - iv asked him why but he cant explain it (or wont) - iv tried asking him more or seeing what i can do to make it easier but he says he doesnt know. - when i finally got to give him oral he kept losing his erection when he has always loved that. I cant figure out if its him or me

    Anyway, thats not the only problem;

    I have been very relaxed about him doing housework and not nagging too much, ill let it get a bit messy then ask him to help me tidy - which he was fine with but now he gets very annoyed when it gets a little bit messy and will get angry about it for no apparent reason, but once iv tidied and ask him to help me maintain it, he just doesnt do it and will get annoyed at me if i remind ("nag") him.

    Sometimes he just sits there playing games on his phone (xbox and PS is fine - i enjoy watching him play that) and doesnt talk at all - i try just general chat and he just grumps even if he isnt playing on his phone or busy - i try play fighting like we always used to but he just pushes me off and gets annoyed (again)

    his attitude about everything is awful - we used to have days out - just walks and stuff which we used to enjoy but now he wont do anything - i suggest something and he just gets grumpy - saying that he doesnt even go out with he mates anymore

    hes gone very selfish as well - i text him today asking him to pick me up from the train station (half an hour walk away) cos i have a headache and feel ill - he just text back "no" - this is not like him - i feel like hes not who i got with anymore - iv tried supporting him and talking to him and iv given him 3 months to see if its a faze but apparently not - i need to think about myself cos im clearly not happy.

    Theres nothing i can think of thats stressing him that can cause this behavior

    I still love him so much and it would break me to leave him but i feel so trapped - even if i do break things off, neither of us have anywhere to go or afford to live alone- with most of our friends in uni, traveling or getting married, theres no one else to live with. (im 21 he's 25) and both his parents have their own families so he cant go there and i dont see my dad and my mum lives far away.

    I dont know what i can do.
    I know people probably cant help - i think i just needed the rant - but anything anyone can say will be helpful.

  • And yes i have asked him about his mood - he denies it all.

    Comment


    • Is there some new source of stress in his life - work, school, health, family etc. that might explain this? You say he denies that there is a problem. He's wrong, this sounds like a major problem. If he isn't willing to recognize that there is something wrong maybe you need to re-think the relationship.

      Comment


      • [COLOR="#4B0082"]

        It is a bit difficult to tell others moods.
        But you can determine Your own Mood.
        Take some time,read what you wrote the first time..
        You may find that you are being " Watched " and " Edited ".

        Kinda like that " JACKED PROGRAM". It's part of a SHADOW BAN in the CISCO. VBulletin.

        We can only hope to get the Program back online.
        BABYGIRL. NON ADMIN/NON MODERATOR.

        But trying to help .
        Love to ALL


        [/COLOR]

        Comment


        • This makes me so sad. You are only 21! You shouldn't feel trapped at that age if you don't have to. I agree with The previous poster, you need to rethink this relationship. Figure out what is going on to see if it can be fixed. Saving it takes two. If he is unwilling to participate then it can't work, regardless of the reasons. You deserve to be happy (so does he!). Everyone deserves to be happy, especially those at least trying to improve themselves and their relationships.

          There are a million reasons not to do something. If leaving is what you really want to do, don't talk yourself out of it. You cant sit and wait forever for things to change if there is no permanent progress being made, what a waste of time. If things do begin to improve (for real, not just for a week) stick it out. relationships take work and we cant just bail every time something gets hard. however, if nothing is changing, no actual progress is being made then why waste your young life trying to fix something that can't be fixed?

          Think about it this way: you have a few outcomes if you stay: 1. you continue to suffer needlessly like this for how many years and it eventually ends anyway. 2. You suffer and end up with him permanently. Nothing changes and life is unecessarily difficult for both of you. 3. You work things out (how lovely! I hope this is the outcome! It does happen)

          If you leave: 1. Life is scary for a little while until you find a place to live. After that, life goes on and you meet someone else who makes you happier and treats you better. 2. I think that's the only outcome.

          Only you can possibly know what you should do. I have no idea. If you want to leave, leave and don't get too caught up in the scary details. If you want to stay, only do so if he is willing to work with you to make things better.

          Good luck! Remember, good relationships take work to stay good. Bad relationships take even more work to simply avoid getting worse. Which relationship do you have?

          Originally posted by BranstonPickle92 View Post
          I live with my boyfriend of 20 months but feel as if the relationship has come to an end.

          We havent had sex for 9 weeks, i have tried everything (lingerie, teasing him, suggesting more adventurous things, inviting him to my shower, asking him what he wants me/us/him to do etc) but he just doesnt seem interested - iv asked him if there's anything wrong - after a few days he came back to me saying he was nervous - iv asked him why but he cant explain it (or wont) - iv tried asking him more or seeing what i can do to make it easier but he says he doesnt know. - when i finally got to give him oral he kept losing his erection when he has always loved that. I cant figure out if its him or me

          Anyway, thats not the only problem;

          I have been very relaxed about him doing housework and not nagging too much, ill let it get a bit messy then ask him to help me tidy - which he was fine with but now he gets very annoyed when it gets a little bit messy and will get angry about it for no apparent reason, but once iv tidied and ask him to help me maintain it, he just doesnt do it and will get annoyed at me if i remind ("nag") him.

          Sometimes he just sits there playing games on his phone (xbox and PS is fine - i enjoy watching him play that) and doesnt talk at all - i try just general chat and he just grumps even if he isnt playing on his phone or busy - i try play fighting like we always used to but he just pushes me off and gets annoyed (again)

          his attitude about everything is awful - we used to have days out - just walks and stuff which we used to enjoy but now he wont do anything - i suggest something and he just gets grumpy - saying that he doesnt even go out with he mates anymore

          hes gone very selfish as well - i text him today asking him to pick me up from the train station (half an hour walk away) cos i have a headache and feel ill - he just text back "no" - this is not like him - i feel like hes not who i got with anymore - iv tried supporting him and talking to him and iv given him 3 months to see if its a faze but apparently not - i need to think about myself cos im clearly not happy.

          Theres nothing i can think of thats stressing him that can cause this behavior

          I still love him so much and it would break me to leave him but i feel so trapped - even if i do break things off, neither of us have anywhere to go or afford to live alone- with most of our friends in uni, traveling or getting married, theres no one else to live with. (im 21 he's 25) and both his parents have their own families so he cant go there and i dont see my dad and my mum lives far away.

          I dont know what i can do.
          I know people probably cant help - i think i just needed the rant - but anything anyone can say will be helpful.

          Comment

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