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When is it going to ever be enough?

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  • When is it going to ever be enough?

    I have a bad marriage. I am being abused, mistreated, disrespected, and letting my husband control everything. I have been dealing with this for the last eight years or so. When is it ever going to be enough? When will I ever get enough courage to leave? I know I deserve a lot better and that I can't go through life like this, but for some reason I just stick around, deal with it, and let him do these awful things. I guess I'm afraid of going to divorce court because I don't want him to think its all bull because one time I had tried to talk to him about why I am unhappy and he thought I was full of it. Another reason why I think I can't get the courage is because I will have to move back in with my parents and I really don't want to do that. I guess it's because I think I am a little too old to be crashing with mom and pop.

  • It will end when you decide its enough. I don't know where you are, but in my area there are womens shelters/homes that serve as half-way houses for women trying to leave abusive marriages. You don't have to stay at one, but if you can find one, there will be people there who can guide you in a making a plan to leave. To start contact whatever social services agencies are near you and they'll guide you. If there is no such thing where you are, then you should spend some time making a plan to leave. Are you completely financially dependent on him? if so, set some money aside, figure out what skills you have so that you can work and support yourself. And most importantly ask yourself what's worse....living temporarily with parents or living with this abuse.

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    • It will never be a good time, but there will be the right time. You don’t say whether or not there is physical abuse or if there are children involved. If there is, now is the right time and you can figure out everything else later.
      If not, you need a plan. You need to know where you can go, you need to take some money with you. You need all personal identification, social insurance numbers, passports, birth certificates etc. You need to know the account numbers of any and all bank accounts and how much is in them. You need to know insurance policies, medical plans and how much property he/you own.
      You need to leave from a position of strength, so get in touch with a lawyer prior to leaving. You must document any and all abuse, call the police when necessary.
      If you must leave in a hurry due to physical abuse to either yourself or your children, make certain you have a bag packed containing everything I’ve listed above plus any clothing you might need and treasures you want to keep.
      Good luck, let us know how you and what you are doing.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.

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      • For what ever reason, even though so un-happy, people think that they CAN'T do it. There is no such word as Can't. Rather CAN..

        Your parents once aware or you may find that they are already aware, will be there with open arms. You are their child. Don't fear your age on that note, but fear it on staying another 8 years imagine the strength you would have then? You more than likely wouldn't.

        Each day that goes by crushes you further, takes your self esteem down further.

        Any man that abuses a woman, has no respect for that woman and more than likely any woman and each day you stay he brings you down further.

        It's time to sit with your parents and tell them exactly how you are feeling and what has been going on, without fear. But, in the knowledge that they are your parents and they love you, the rest will fit into place over time.
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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