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Think my wife is cheating...please help me decide

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  • Think my wife is cheating...please help me decide



    My wife is reluctant to have sex with me alot but I know a lot of times she is just tired. I work late on a regualar basis and I know if she is sleep when I come in late - no sex.

    On a couple seperate occasions that she worked late, I was able to catch her before she fell asleep. I was suspicious about where she had been. She reluctantly had sex with me but, on both occassions, I noticed her vagina walls seemed swollen.

    She did not want me to finger her much because her vagina was tender. I noticed when I made penetration, she was in pain. She said she was not in pain but she obviously was.

    I came to this website because I need a womans point of view. I want to know if this is solid evidence that she had just had sex - swelling of the vagina walls and tenderness are obvious signs of just having sex - what else could it be other than that?

  • Well if she is like me, there are certain times of the month when I am more tender. These times tend to be when it is close to the time of my monthly cycle. This could be a possibility.
    There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

    Comment


    • what about the walls of the vagina being swollen? Ladies - I really need your help. Guys do not know the answer to this one!
      Last edited by looking; 12-28-2007, 10:32 AM. Reason: need more input

      Comment


      • The walls might be swollen because she has a yeast infection. That could be the reason why she is so tender. You say you work late a lot. Do you romance your wife starting in the morning? Do you ever tell her that she is beautiful? Are you kind with your words to her? A woman needs to feel safe, secure, beautiful and loved to have sex. There is a wonderful saying - Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears. You can't be working late and hop in bed and expect to have sex. You need to romance your wife.. It's how you treat your wife everyday that counts. If you treat her well the sex will follow. If you treat her poorly you won't have sex.

        Comment


        • She doesnt have a yeast infection. the swelling and tenderness was gone the next morning. If it had still been there, my suspicions would not have been aroused.

          Is it normal for the swelling and tenderness to come and go? This happened a week ago and she is on her period right now. Fallen1 did say that it could happen around that time of month but tell me, would it come and go like that or be constant?

          If the tenderness were constant for while, i could understand. I have been trying to convice myself to believe that maybe it's just a coincidence that she was out late that night and the swelling and tenderness was there because of some female reason (other than a yeast infection - would not come and go if so) that normally occurs.


          No, I do not tell her how much I love her enough. I am going to start doing that more. In the mean time, I need to know if she is cheating.

          Comment


          • Yes, the swelling can come and go. How would you know her vaginal wall is still swollen? Do you look? or does she tell you? Talk to your wife and tell her your concerns.

            Comment


            • I know because she reluctantly had sex with me the next morning. swelling and tenderness were gone.

              My wife is not the greatest communicator. Questions I ask end up being interpreted as accusations.

              I have no proof other than what I have provided. At least I understand more now about what goes on in a womans body.

              I came to this website because I needed a womans opinion on woman body functions. I know that this forum is for women and sometimes women join together in defense of other woment.

              I hope you have all been frank with me. I will continue to love my wife and try to make a new beginning based on the info I have recieved from you all. Any other info - in support of or against what I suspected will still be appreciated.

              thank you all.

              p.s... I will be back for more advice

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Dragonfly View Post
                The walls might be swollen because she has a yeast infection. That could be the reason why she is so tender. You say you work late a lot. Do you romance your wife starting in the morning? Do you ever tell her that she is beautiful? Are you kind with your words to her? A woman needs to feel safe, secure, beautiful and loved to have sex. There is a wonderful saying - Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears. You can't be working late and hop in bed and expect to have sex. You need to romance your wife.. It's how you treat your wife everyday that counts. If you treat her well the sex will follow. If you treat her poorly you won't have sex.
                Somewhat off topic, but I do all of that (and more), and my wife still almost never wants to have sex with me.

                Just don't want the original poster to assume it is in any way his fault. It may not be.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by looking View Post
                  I came to this website because I needed a womans opinion on woman body functions. I know that this forum is for women and sometimes women join together in defense of other women.
                  I think I speak for us all here in saying that I don't think any of us here would ever give you or anyones else false information just to defend someone that may be cheating.

                  Another thing to think about: Has she ever given you suspicion to doubt her in any way? If not, try to have some faith/trust in her.

                  IF there is something to be found it will eventually come out in the open.
                  Last edited by Fallen1; 12-28-2007, 04:03 PM.
                  There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

                  Comment


                  • She did give me valid reason for suspicion 15 years ago - before we got married. She left home one day with a certain hair style - went to school and when she got back home later that day, her hair style was in a pony tail which I found to be a little odd. On top of that, she never gave me a chance to touch her or have conversation - she immediately went into the bedroom and and then into the bath tub. All that was odd to me because we would usually greet and talk for a while before she settled in.

                    Call me insecure but, I decided to check her underwear. They were not where I would expect them to be (on top of the laundry) but, they were on the bottom of the laundry bag.

                    I confronted her, we fought and I left her. We eventually got back together but, I guess I never forgot about that and some other things that she lied about many years ago.

                    Guess I have to learn how to trust again - it's not easy.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by looking View Post
                      She did give me valid reason for suspicion 15 years ago - before we got married. She left home one day with a certain hair style - went to school and when she got back home later that day, her hair style was in a pony tail which I found to be a little odd. On top of that, she never gave me a chance to touch her or have conversation - she immediately went into the bedroom and and then into the bath tub. All that was odd to me because we would usually greet and talk for a while before she settled in.

                      Call me insecure but, I decided to check her underwear. They were not where I would expect them to be (on top of the laundry) but, they were on the bottom of the laundry bag.

                      I confronted her, we fought and I left her. We eventually got back together but, I guess I never forgot about that and some other things that she lied about many years ago.

                      Guess I have to learn how to trust again - it's not easy.
                      Well in light of this I don't blame you at all, I would also be suspicious myself. I guess I would have to say just keep your eyes/ears open, as I said IF something is going on it will eventually surface.

                      I sure hope all your suspicion is for nothing.
                      There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

                      Comment


                      • You really can't have a relationship without trust. I have trust issues myself. Communication is the key factor. If she has a problem with communicating - you should tell her that you can't live in deception. Tell her to be honest. If I were you I wouldn't want to live everyday with checking my spouses underwear and vice versa: having him check my underwear everytime I came home. I would find that very creepy.

                        Comment


                        • I that that when you find yourself checking up on your spouse, you already have a serious problem. Eventually you will find something that makes you think she is having an affair, even if she isn't. If you can talk to her, do. If she will go to counseling, try that. If not, I think you either need to be willing to accept that you will never know for sure, or you need to leave her.

                          A few years ago, there was a young woman in another state who kept leaving me messages to call her on my home phone. They sounded distraught and emotional. That state was somewhere I visited often to see my parents. Looked suspicious as all hell.

                          But - turns out she was a nurse at my father's retirement home and was about to be sacked because of something she had said to my father, and wanted me to help plead her case. Details are boring, but I believed she was completely innocent but it took a lot of phone calls to convince her management. Think how that would look to someone suspicious.

                          Comment


                          • is she cheating
                            Originally posted by looking View Post
                            She doesnt have a yeast infection. the swelling and tenderness was gone the next morning. If it had still been there, my suspicions would not have been aroused.

                            Is it normal for the swelling and tenderness to come and go? This happened a week ago and she is on her period right now. Fallen1 did say that it could happen around that time of month but tell me, would it come and go like that or be constant?

                            If the tenderness were constant for while, i could understand. I have been trying to convice myself to believe that maybe it's just a coincidence that she was out late that night and the swelling and tenderness was there because of some female reason (other than a yeast infection - would not come and go if so) that normally occurs.


                            No, I do not tell her how much I love her enough. I am going to start doing that more. In the mean time, I need to know if she is cheating.
                            She may be cheating and she may not. One late night and swollen vagina is not enough to be absolutely sure she is cheating. You should give her the benefit of the doubt.
                            I also agree that you can't come home and just expect her to turn on love like that. We do like to feel loved and appreciated. The more the loved the more we are interested. If a women has a yeast infection it's highly unlikely she will feel immediately back to normal i.e next day. Usually tenderness is about a few days before the cycle and may hurt during intercourse. If she is unhappy with the relationship, you won't have to guess. It will come out on it's on. In the meantime, just focus on making things better.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by looking View Post
                              She did give me valid reason for suspicion 15 years ago - before we got married. She left home one day with a certain hair style - went to school and when she got back home later that day, her hair style was in a pony tail which I found to be a little odd. On top of that, she never gave me a chance to touch her or have conversation - she immediately went into the bedroom and and then into the bath tub. All that was odd to me because we would usually greet and talk for a while before she settled in.

                              Call me insecure but, I decided to check her underwear. They were not where I would expect them to be (on top of the laundry) but, they were on the bottom of the laundry bag.

                              I confronted her, we fought and I left her. We eventually got back together but, I guess I never forgot about that and some other things that she lied about many years ago.

                              Guess I have to learn how to trust again - it's not easy.
                              Interesting post I stumbled on. Are you guys still together?

                              Comment

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