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dependence

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  • dependence

    kitty remember that over dependence post a while back?
    ready to talk about subject


  • #2

    Was less dependent when first married since we were both working full time. Think I actually had 2 jobs then. So we were making about the same amount.

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    • #3

      Want to downsize house now so it would be more manageable for us physically/financially in the future.

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      • #4
        Well, nothing wrong with planning and foresight, even for the most dreadful possibilities that lie ahead.

        Dependence tho, isn't a good thing. Do you think it's really dependence? Sounds like it could be, from what you've shared, here and other posts.
        I think the remedy for those situations is to change ourselves, not the circumstances. Depending on anyone for those basics in life is pretty unhealthy, in my opinion. I really don't like counting on anyone else to be sure I'm taken care of. Of course, in marriage there's mutual caring for, that's naturally a part of the relationship.

        Does it bother you, really, that there seems to be that component to the marriage?

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        • #5
          Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
          Does it bother you, really, that there seems to be that component to the marriage?
          Yes, because emotionally feel we may too dependent on one another.

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          • #6
            Been thinking about this more.....dependence vs independence.

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            • #7
              Maybe it's not so bad after all being dependent on husband. We didn't start out that way. So, even though I'm not working and feel dependent on him now, it hasn't always been this way.

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              • #8
                think maybe it's just the house stuff, want a more manageable house



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                • #9
                  Kitty
                  realized this morning, this topic ties in to my self-confidence

                  think being a SAHM has taken a toll on my self-confidence now that our child does not need me as much
                  liked the young ages of total dependence on me






                  thanks for advice kitty....do need to do some of what you listed
                  Last edited by amy40; 05-14-2017, 04:43 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Well, I do think if you have some confidence issues in general that the SAHM job would possibly add to that. Seems like culturally we undervalue the work of those women.

                    I think that may add to the dependency, but I think generally it is not good to feel dependent on any other person. As I said earlier, with marriage, there does come some mutual dependence and that's to be expected.
                    Do I think you'd be fine if you found yourself alone, yes. You need to have that confidence tho. Have a plan in place for yourself. Get appropriate insurance in place, keep some sort of working skills in place and education current, and keep an idea of what the job market is in your area.
                    Have some ideas in place for how you would carry out the care of the house or if you would sell it, car maintenance and so forth. At least have an idea of all you need to care for in the event there is loss or divorce or incapacitation occurs.

                    I think that's all that's necessary really. I think staying home to focus on raising kids is a respectable and needed job in our culture. I would have done it too. But I also think we need to be prepared for any circumstance. that will alleviate some of the dependency issues you feel. I think so anyway.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                      Have some ideas in place for how you would carry out the care of the house or if you would sell it
                      working on this

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                      • #12
                        I sometimes think being a SAHM gives a loss of sense of identity, even though being there for our children is the best thing for them.
                        There are many mum's that would love to be at home for their kids but feel that working maintains their sense of individuality & financial independence, making them happier and therefore believe their children are happy.
                        It's whatever works for the individual.
                        I work with my husband so we are together almost 24/7. My dependence on him is not financial but emotional, he's stronger than me (not just physically) emotionally so I feed off that when I need the confidence to take on something I might not otherwise do.
                        I hope you work things out & be happy

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                        • #13
                          "work with my husband so we are together almost 24/7"

                          that's great your husband and you work well together



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                          • #14
                            deleted cause adds nothing much to thread

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                              but I think generally it is not good to feel dependent on any other person.
                              both my mom and MIL were dependent financially most of their marriage.......they took care of kids while husbands worked all day

                              both still married..........many, many years married

                              I am more independent than they ever were since I worked outside the home many years as opposed to them
                              plus I'll do things like mow and do not believe my mom or MIL mowed a day in their life
                              neither of them ever travelled alone, either and I have many times, including int'l travel by myself

                              I don't have the independence of the single women on WH but am way ahead of the older generation in our family

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