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Erectile dysfunction

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  • Erectile dysfunction

    Until 2 weeks ago my husband has never suffered from erectile dysfunction. In fact he is always "ready" as soon as or before me. One night 2 weeks ago he came home from work on our "sex night" and we retired to the bedroom. When we undressed I know something was wrong, his penis which had always been up and ready before was hanging down limp. At first I thought he must be sick and felt his head, no sign of fervor. I ask him if he was ok and if he wanted to have sex. He just said he was ok and yes lets do it. It took me about 10 minutes to get him erect enough to be able to penetrate me. Then he kept on deep stroking me, which always makes him finish quick. This time he couldn't finish and finally after 15 or more minutes, he went limp. I just hugged him and said is was ok, we could try again tomorrow.

    Tomorrow came I decided to let him initiate and never mentioned anything, we just talked, I got dressed for work and kissed me good bye and went to work. This went on all week and on Saturday night, we were both off work, we had dinner with Kiyomi and sit on the couch to watch a movie. It was a warm night and Kiyomi was dressed in a tank top and shorts. I noticed him checking her out several times. So I went over and sit on his lap. Sure enough he was hard. He could get hard just by looking at her but not when I was naked sitting on his stomach in bed. Something was wrong and I was getting suspicious, I couldn't believe he was involved with Kiyomi but what about someone else. He is a policeman, I know he had a female partner for a while but now he had a new partner that I have never met.

    That night we went to bed, we had sex but he was not as erect as usual, which was usually like a wooden pole. And after he finished, he got limp before even pulling out.

    I don't know what to do, he might have some medical reason for this or he might just be getting tired of me. Or, he might be having sex with someone else he was more interested in. Should I just ask him what's wrong and encourage him to see a doctor? In the last 2 weeks we have only had sex 3 times, he usually had to have it every other night. I even talked this over with my girlfriend, Kiyomi, she is a life long lesbian and wasn't much help other than to sty he should see a doctor. I had never thought I would ever have this problem and don't know what to do.
    sigpic
    Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
    ― Bodhidharma

  • #2
    Hi Chaya, nice to see you again. Your issue - how did your husband feel about his lack of response? Did he seem surprised, worried, unconcerned? It's been my experience that the older a male gets, the more likely he is going to have this issue at one time or another. It doesn't mean anything is necessarily wrong, it could just be that a particular case at work (he is police right?) has bothered him, he could be worried about any number of things which might switch off his libido. Also, you've been together quite a while, it could be that he just needs a while to recuperate and get back his sex drive.

    I don't think I'd worry too much about this happening for such a short period of time. However, if it continues, talk to him, ask him what he thinks is going on and then take it from there.

    Give him the benefit of the doubt.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by chaya View Post
      I noticed him checking her out several times. So I went over and sit on his lap. Sure enough he was hard. He could get hard just by looking at her I even talked this over with my girlfriend, Kiyomi, she is a life long lesbian and wasn't much help other than to sty he should see a doctor. do.
      jealousy is now being felt by you and I imagine your husband also feels jealousy often over your relationship with her

      have you decided to go to counseling yet?
      if not, I think you should still go with all that has happened to you plus these complicated relationships


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      • #4
        chaya
        when you spoke with her, did you tell her everything?
        that he was checking her out and that you think she turned him on?

        or did you only tell her of his difficulty in bed?

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        • #5
          Hi Chaya, him getting hard when looking at Kiyomi was probably due to the "Coolidge effect". Search Wikipedia for it. It also means that he isn't having real erectile dysfunction. Its possible other things were distracting him or having an effect the first time. Things like stress or eating some foods could have an effect. The second time could have been due to a loss of confidence from the first time. Can you add some mystery or spice back into sex so he gets his head back in the game?
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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          • #6
            My guy had this issue when we first started dating and it nearly ruined us. But, with time and patience and an increase in comfort, it's pretty much a non-issue now. I don't blame you for feeling concerned. Is his BP normal? Is there anything else going on with him?
            "Be what you're looking for."

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            • #7
              I'm sorry I didn't get back sooner, I had to go to Hawaii. My father had a heart attack, I left the next morning. He is still in the hospital but is expected to make a full recovery. They had to perform bypass surgery, it was a success. He was sent home yesterday, he wanted to see me off at the airport but me and mom talked him out of it.

              What happened with my husband was almost forgotten until I got home. Last night things were back to normal sex wise. I decided not to mention it any more unless he brings it up. As usual, I totally over reacted, this happens a lot with me. I think is is my job that keeps me stressed and I dread going back. I am considering finding another job.
              sigpic
              Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
              ― Bodhidharma

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks everyone for you replies.
                sigpic
                Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
                ― Bodhidharma

                Comment


                • #9
                  sorry about your father; glad he will make a full recovery

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Best wishes on your father's speedy recovery, Chaya.
                    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                    ...
                    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                    Comment

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