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Am I The Only One?

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  • Am I The Only One?

    I am having trouble reconciling the events that have taken place in my marriage over the last 3 weeks. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has ever been through something similar...

    3 weeks ago my husband of 5 years told me (over the phone) that he has been unhappy for a long time and wanted to stay with his brother for a little while. He said his feelings for me flip-flop. One moment he loves me, the next he isn’t sure. He said he needs time to find himself. He suggested a 6 month trial separation.

    A week after that we finally sat down to discuss our situation. At that time he said he feels like this is really the end for us, but he wants to try the separation to be sure. We’ve been together a total of 8 years and have history. He said no matter what, he absolutely cannot live without me in his life in some way.

    Yesterday, after very little contact, he called to tell me that he and his brother are moving his mother and themselves out-of-state, possibly as soon as the end of November.

    I am totally at a loss as to where this is coming from. Obviously, we had issues I was both aware and unaware of. This is all happening so fast... Has anyone else experienced this in their marriage or past relationships?

  • #2
    Tell us of the relationship you two had. Were each other's needs met? How about wants? Was the relationship with his mother interfering with the marriage?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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    • #3
      Have you attempted to go to counseling with him or is he just not willing?

      What types of things are you dealing with in the relationship? Is there another person involved, do you think?

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      • #4
        When a person requests a trial separation, they usually are looking for time to finalize their plans, figure out what needs to be done going forward, and very seldom does it mean they will return to you. It's a way to ease out of situations, embark upon a new life without the bitter recriminations at the time of separation. It's a delayed reaction kind of thing.
        Practical matters - have you gotten a separation agreement, discussed support for yourself or the children (if any). Have to divided up the household belongings, bank accounts, cars or any other assets?
        More Practical matters - have you spoken to a lawyer?
        The first rule of thumb would be to make certain you and/or children are taken care of and protected by the law - first and foremost.

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        • #5
          I agree with Claret. Emotions aside, you will need to contact a lawyer and get finances, and other matters, in order. Back to the emotional side: it is a shock, but I can't say what changed. It is certainly a difficult and upsetting situation. I don't have any advice, I'm afraid, but you shouldn't blame yourself: you weren't to blame for not seeing sooner. He's gone and will move on and I think if you can too, that would be the way to go. The fact he could be honest and tell you your marriage is over, rather than pretending and causing hardships, is a good thing, as awful as that sounds. It is over and now you'll be free to find someone truly special and who truly loves you.

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          • #6
            Does he has some mental illness? What about the eight long years? Talk to him and see his mind. If you can open up each other, it will be a great thing. How you usually behave to him?

            Outbound link removed.
            Last edited by atskitty2; 11-21-2017, 08:11 AM.

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