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He doesn't understand

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  • He doesn't understand

    So me and my boyfriend had another argument. Being that we are dancers we usually go out dancing. Last night this woman that texted him in Spanish "besos para mi Novio" which translates to kisses to my boyfriend was there. In which he responded to that text a winky tongue face.

    Her daughter was there who came up to us to say hi and she's young. I told him don't dance with either of them because I never knew she texted him I found out by looking at his phone in which he had two screen shots of it. One with his answer and one without it.

    He got upset with me because be says "everytime we go out to these places you always have something to find. Stop looking into these things so much it's just dancing".

    I get annoyed because it hurts me and I explained to him when we go out to these places he acts single. His body language and everything with how much girls come up to him.

    To prove a point last night I decided to behave how he behaved with my body language and he didn't like it.

    Going back to when we first started dating he brings up this tattoo I got on my back dedicated to my grandmother. The tattoo artist who did it I lost my virginity to. And the same night I went on a date with my boyfriend now is the last night I had sex with that tattoo artist. This guy texted me in the middle of the night one night and my boyfriend found out because I blocked his contact info.

    He keeps bringing it up and is even go as far as to say you want to he controlling I will be too. Being that your sister lives in that area you can't go to her house. You have to meet up with her somewhere.

    It' ridiculous. Can someone help me understand where he's coming from? I don't understand. If any further details as to why we get in these arguments I'm happy to answer anything or even start how things happened in the beginning or things we've done that we hold accountable towards each other. Any advice on how I can let go of what he's done???

  • #2
    I went back and reviewed yesterday's post, before I answer this one. Some background for me, would be helpful. Your ages and how long you've been together? And I presume you live together since there's an issue of house cleaning?
    You are asking for help to let go of what he's done-what do you mean specifically?

    You both have to stop this game of *** for tat, cat and mouse and start communicating. This is not how 2 adults in a healthy relationship conduct themselves. If he's driving Uber, does he have a day job also? And your work schedule?
    Is there a schedule of cleaning the house already set? Assigned chores?

    Have you had a frank discussion about boundaries within the relationship and what's appropriate and acceptable for each of you to do/say when it comes to the opposite sex and flirting behavior? The flirting with the other woman by text, should be addressed.
    How about mutual respect, and the demonstration of it? How about family relationships and respect for personal time?

    You two need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and reach some decisions about what happens in your relationship. Full honesty, and openness needs to be given and accepted by both of you if you have any hope to reach a point to work through all this. No yelling, no fighting, and maintaining calm discussion-just sharing thoughts and feelings, and nobody on the offensive or defensive. Talk. Listen.

    If you can't do that, it may be best to call it quits and move on. Without communication, you basically have nothing. Try a counselor, if you're invested that much in the relationship and want to invest in it further and fight for a resolution.


    • #3
      Natalie, he wants to control you but he doesn't want you to have any control over him. Does that sound fair to you? He's ridiculously jealous of what happened in your past but expects you to do be fine with another woman calling him her "novio." Fair?
      It really sounds like his reactions are a guilty conscience speaking.


      • #4
        Flirting with other women while you're in the room is unacceptable. That is downright disrespectful. I'd be very angry and would tell him so. If he can't show you respect, find someone who will. You deserve better, frankly.