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Am I ruining my baby?

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  • Am I ruining my baby?

    I am a new mother of a 5 month old girl named Olivia. She was a grumpy and serious baby and right from the start she would panic if I was not holding her all the time. I was told I needed to put her down and let her cry some times, but I loved her so much I just didn't want her to be distressed. With my husband working and living part time 2 states away, there is no one to give me a break, so giving in to Olivia was the only way to get rest. To make matters worse, even though every one told me not to, I would have her sleep on my chest. I just could not help myself. I loved feeling her little body breathing. It sounds so horrible to write this but she has never gone to sleep on her own! She breastfeeds exclusively and would always fall asleep when she ate so I inadvertently started breastfeeding her to sleep and at night (she sleeps with me) I am a human pacifier (which she refuses to take a pacifier by the way. I try all the time and with every kind you can think of and she screams when I bring out a bottle.)
    Soooooo...now she is 5 months, getting veeeeeery heavy and I am feeling trapped. I tried to "let her cry it out" checking on her every 15 min to calm and reassure her but she cried for 3 hours!!! I checked the clock! I just can't do that to her.
    At the time I did what I felt was loving but lots of people are telling me I am ruining my child then others say that as long as she is ok with other people (which she is good with others, except for my sister, who tends to be very loud and dramatic) that she is just a baby and will grow out of it, to be a happy, loved, secure, person.
    I just don't know any more.
    Help.

  • you need to start showin the baby who's boss. Seriously, my niece is almost 2 and is finally learning how to sit and play alone. She always had my sister or someone in my fmaily keeping her occupied and it got to the point where she wouldnt be able to entertain herself. now she is doing well, but until you show her who's in charge she's going to know how to control you! even at 5 months! i just see more horrible things down the road for you if you dont control it now! watch those super nanny shows..thats what your kid will be like with you giving into her all the time! its not fair to you or the child to let this go on any longer.

    Comment



    • Too many mothers seem to raise babies, not people.
      Babies grow up. They become children.

      Let me show Bobbie what is in her future.

      Baby will demand and cry and get. Baby won't want
      to go anywhere and do anything where she is not the
      centre of attention.

      Baby will not want to go to school. She will cry and
      demand Mommy take her home. If Mommy doesn't
      take her home she will cry and fuss in the class,
      disturbing other children.

      Othere children, who don't know they are to pander
      to Baby will dislike Baby and treat her badly.

      Baby will think everything is her's and grab another
      child's crayon. Other child will punch Baby, and
      take back Crayon.

      Baby will tell Mommy who will come up to school
      to find out why teacher let's other children punch
      Baby.

      All the other children will say that no one punched
      Baby that Baby fell off of chair.

      Baby will learn how much everyone dislikes her.
      She will become more bratty, more lonely and
      unhappy.

      No one will befriend Baby. Because Baby thinks
      the world belongs to Baby.

      As Baby grows up and becomes a miserable lonely
      child, she will probably start to eat to compensate.

      Other parents will keep their children away from
      Baby saying; "No matter what Baby does, Mommy
      upholds her, so I don't want her playing with my
      kids."

      When I was a child...I was the one who punched
      William in the face when he took my crayon. All
      the other kids insisted that William fell. I was
      going to admit it, as I was the smallest kid in
      the class and William was the biggest...but no
      one listened to my squeaky voice.

      William, by the way, drank from a nipple bottle
      when he entered Kindergarten.

      No one played with William and my parents
      as well as the parents of all my friends, told
      us to stay away from William.

      So we all did.

      When William entered Junior High he was
      really fat and whiney. He was always saying
      he was sick and the teacher would call his
      mother who would come up to take him home.

      He did really bad so was in dunce class.

      When I grew up and became a mother I was
      very upset at how the father spoiled the first
      one, making the same mistakes that you make
      with your daughter.

      Alway carrying him around, always spoiling him...
      then...at when the father found something else
      to do, the baby was 'abandoned'. No one but
      Daddy would do, but Daddy wasn't there anymore.

      I would mark all the problems the First one has
      to this 'overlove' then 'abandonment' by the
      Father.

      The little one..(middle one's give no trouble)
      was spoiled, I admit that...but not to the extent
      of your child.

      Aware that because she was so pretty, (she
      became a fashion model later in life) people would
      pander to her, I was especially careful not to give
      her more than other children got, and was very
      strict.

      She learned to be very good with other children
      and although they spoiled her, (she was always
      picked to be Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella or
      whatever fantasy required princesses or pretty)
      but she was very generous and friendly.

      Had I not recognised the errors the Father made
      with the First One, I surely would have duplicated
      them with Baby.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Bobbie43 View Post
        I am a new mother of a 5 month old girl named Olivia. She was a grumpy and serious baby and right from the start she would panic if I was not holding her all the time. I was told I needed to put her down and let her cry some times, but I loved her so much I just didn't want her to be distressed. With my husband working and living part time 2 states away, there is no one to give me a break, so giving in to Olivia was the only way to get rest. To make matters worse, even though every one told me not to, I would have her sleep on my chest. I just could not help myself. I loved feeling her little body breathing. It sounds so horrible to write this but she has never gone to sleep on her own! She breastfeeds exclusively and would always fall asleep when she ate so I inadvertently started breastfeeding her to sleep and at night (she sleeps with me) I am a human pacifier (which she refuses to take a pacifier by the way. I try all the time and with every kind you can think of and she screams when I bring out a bottle.)
        Soooooo...now she is 5 months, getting veeeeeery heavy and I am feeling trapped. I tried to "let her cry it out" checking on her every 15 min to calm and reassure her but she cried for 3 hours!!! I checked the clock! I just can't do that to her.
        At the time I did what I felt was loving but lots of people are telling me I am ruining my child then others say that as long as she is ok with other people (which she is good with others, except for my sister, who tends to be very loud and dramatic) that she is just a baby and will grow out of it, to be a happy, loved, secure, person.
        I just don't know any more.
        Help.
        I don't think this sounds horrible at all. I think it sounds normal. My oldest was like this, so was my fourth baby. I have never let any of my children cry it out and I never will. To me, it is mean. I have two book suggestions for you, The Fussy Baby Book by William and Martha Sears talks about what is known as "High Need" children. Your baby seems to fit this description. The book has so many good suggestions for dealing with the issues you describe. The other is The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. This book helps you and your baby get sleep without tears. the people who are telling you that she is just a baby are wise and absolutely right. She will grow out of it and she will be more secure having a mommy who met her needs and was so attached to her. Babies do not need discipline at all. The idea is completely and utterly ridiculous!

        Comment


        • you are not ruiening her

          i gave my little one the same treatment and now she is the happiest little thing ive ever seen your mother hood is rite on track so keep giving her as much love as you can i sleeped the same way and now my kaylee is all alone in her little bed and she sleeps just fine you can never ever love your child to much

          Comment

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