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A Daughter's Decision

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  • A Daughter's Decision

    My daughter informed my husband and I today that she is going to file for divorce. This has been a long time coming and I have to say that I am relieved, for her.

    I've worked really hard at just listening and letting her make her own decision. My husband and I knew when she married this man that he was not the one for her. It has taken her 5 years to see that they are just two completely different people. She is very positive and he is NEGATIVE ENERGY...

    They have a 2 year old son and my daughter wants him to grow up knowing that everything in life is possible. I'm very proud of her, she is such a good mother and a beautiful woman inside and out. I have no intention of suggesting counseling or saving this marriage.

    Am I wrong?
    Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have

  • NOPE ! When I had made up my mind to leave my ex, the last thing I wanted to hear from my parents was counseling or saving this marriage.

    I will assume that your daughter has considered every possible alternative to divorcing this man already and the only solution is to divorce him. That's a tough decision to make...been there, did it myself with two small children.....sometimes the toughest decisions are the best.

    As for the young child....children would rather come from a broken home then live in one. So don't worry about the little guy, he'll be okay.

    What she'll need most is your support to hel pher get through the tough times that lay ahead. Her anger, her sadness, her mourning.

    Parents need to be what they know how to be the very best.......supportive!

    Comment


    • Your decision to be supportive of her decision is a loving one. Not that long ago we had a young lady post about being MISERABLE in her marriage with a horrible husband and the main reason she would not divorce was because of the fear of dissapointing her parents. I think you are doing the right thing by just backing her up in whatever decisions she feels are right for her life and that of your grandchild. You can take comfort in the fact that you raised her right and its because of that, that she isn't going to settle for less than she deserves out of life.
      Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Seeker_Advice View Post
        NOPE ! When I had made up my mind to leave my ex, the last thing I wanted to hear from my parents was counseling or saving this marriage.

        I will assume that your daughter has considered every possible alternative to divorcing this man already and the only solution is to divorce him. That's a tough decision to make...been there, did it myself with two small children.....sometimes the toughest decisions are the best.

        As for the young child....children would rather come from a broken home then live in one. So don't worry about the little guy, he'll be okay.

        What she'll need most is your support to hel pher get through the tough times that lay ahead. Her anger, her sadness, her mourning.

        Parents need to be what they know how to be the very best.......supportive!
        Totally agree here.

        We raised our kids to have the belief in knowing what's best and the faith that we've taught them the best we could and that what we've taught them has been taken to heart.

        And as painstaken as it is, the best you can do is be there for her. This was and could only be her decision.

        Comment


        • I had a chance to talk with her more today and she had a rough morning. Her husband decided to start breaking things in their home and she told him to leave or she would call the police. Unfortunately he is not ready to accept her decision. I am now getting nervous because I have two very large son's that will not allow this type of behavior to continue. Me telling them to stay out of it, will only last so long.

          I've tried to call my Son-n-law but he will not take my calls. He is not a bad man, he just isn't the man for my daughter. We have had a good relationship and I am hoping he will reach out to me, sometime soon.
          Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have

          Comment


          • Okay, so he's just "upped the anty" by breaking stuff. The next three words of advice I can give you/her are DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!

            Every time your daughter calls you, write down the date, time and the jist of what she said "mom. I'm scared, Bill came home and..." You don't have to write a novel, just a short concise synopsis of what she said. Tell her to do the same thing anytime she feels threatend by what he said. As for telephone calls, cell phone or home, if he leaves a message that is negative, threatening or hurtful in any way, it gets recorded onto a tape BEFORE it gets deleted. A microcassette recorder costs $20.00 at your local discount store. Tapes are about $2.00 each.

            Buy her a digital camera and get her several "chips" (sorry, don't know the correct name) that go into it and store pictures. Tell her to take pictures of every room and especially any valuable knick knacks, dishes, china, vases, pictures on the wall, etc. Anything that your S-I-L might break. Any weapons in the house? Guns, knives, baseball bats, golf clubs? Time to move them.

            I'm not trying to make you/her afraid just aware of what, in my opinon, should come next to protect yourselves. Courts look very kindly on the party that keeps good documentation, keeps their head and doesn't come across as the bully or threatening. Courts look very unkindly on the party, generally men, who are unkind, do damage, make threats, etc.

            His actions and your documentation of same will also impact his visitation with their son.

            Tell your boys to keep their heads straight. This is not the time to play hero. The legal system and law enforcement have a special place for people that take the law into their own hands...it's called jail. I can relate to your sons, really I can, because I am the "smallest" male in my family and I am 6'5" and 270.

            I was threatend repeatedly by "cheat 3" (my ex's then BF and current husband). While I could have whooped his backside and left him for dead along the road some where, I kept my head, documented EVERYTHING, took 90 pictures and cleaned their clocks in court.

            You can too.

            Comment


            • Very good advice seeker although I do think hormonious will need to pass it down to her daughter... I think that unless she witnesses these events nothing her daughter says about them to her will hold up in court.. I could be wrong .. I don't know if there is a lesser burden of proof in divorce hearings than anything criminal but her daughter should be keeping a log and mom can correlate the dates/times/incidents just in case.

              Breaking stuff isn't a good sign. It shows he has to react in a physical way to his anger, and next time it may not be a vase or a picture frame. She should call the police if this happens again..
              Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

              Comment


              • HD,

                My mother had about twenty pages in a journal that she brought to court of things I had said to her and while the court/judge didn't review every entry, he did make a comment about my mother's "obvious concern about my safety and how her D-I-L was behaving".

                Obviously, every case is different as is every judge, lawyer and courtroom, but it sure wouldn't hurt.

                Comment


                • Well apparently I have been bamboozled since thanksgiving day by my two oldest children. There is a little more to this story than what my daughter has told me...

                  I received a call tonight from my ex-husband to let me know that he and my son had just left my daughter's home. The police were also called by my son-n-law because he was in fear for his safety, not my words, his. I was completely lost at this point.

                  According to my ex-husband: My son found out that my son-n-law had cheated on my daughter, and had confronted him thanksgiving day. My son allegedly squeezed my son-n-laws neck and told him, he had 24 hours to tell my daughter, or else, he would. I was there along with 30+ family members, no one said a word to me.

                  So tonight, the ex-husband and son took it upon themselves to go over and have a talk with the son-n-law. I don't know where my daughter was when all of this happened, she wasn't at home. She is going to be livid to say the least, she is very private and very capable of handling her business.

                  It was a good thing that my son-n-law called the police, they did document the damaged property and gave him a warning. He was advised, if they were called back, he would be removed from the home.

                  At this point I don't know what my daughter is going to do. I guess she will let me know when she is ready. Unfortunately, I know all to well what she is feeling right now, and there's nothing I can do about it. I do understand why she didn't tell me, she knows me better than anyone...
                  Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have

                  Comment


                  • I just received a picture mail from my daughter, this girl is me made over. This is not a laughing matter but the picture she sent me is hilarious...It's a picture of her and my grandson with their thumbs up leaving what I believe to be a lawyers office. The message said: Logan and I are going to get a bite to eat and then we will be looking for our new home. No worries mom, I have it under control. Will call you later with the details...

                    She's a strong woman and I am very proud of her. As hard as it is, one foot in front of the other, will lead anyone out of this situation. Life is too short for all this nonsense...
                    Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have

                    Comment


                    • Tough situation...hopefully your daughter will pull through. Will your grandson be a part of his dad's life? It's so important that boys have father figures and/or other male role models in their lives!

                      Comment


                      • I agree...boys do need their fathers. How big a part he plays will be his decision. My daughter will not tolerate any nonsense, she has had her fill. She is moving forward with the divorce (husband has been served) and has chosen to remain in their home for 2 more months before she moves. She would like the transition for her son to go as smooth as possible.

                        She will be turning 30 this Sunday and has planned a huge B-Day bash for herself. Confidence is not something that she lacks, she is a beautiful woman and has plenty of men friends that are already hovering... Hopefully she will take things slow but it's not my call or my life...it's hers.
                        Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have

                        Comment

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