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Mama Drama!!! Im freaking out i need advice!

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  • Mama Drama!!! Im freaking out i need advice!

    I met a guy about 6 months ago. He showed a lot of interest in me. We Hung out and everything went perfectly. In fact he couldn't stop talking about his life so i could know things about him, i thought it was the cutest thing. From then on we hung out. The 3rd day of getting to know each other i found out that i might be pregnant. I told him right away! He pushed me to getting a pregnancy test, he waited for my result...POSITIVE! I came out crying and he held me close. I told him "I'm sorry i didn't know" i told him that if he wants to walk away thats fine and understandable. He told me was going to stay, and that he wants to help. We barely knew each other. We went to the same school, but we only had one class together. From the day i found out he asked me to be his girlfriend and i was afraid of course but he said he'd be there and that he will never go anywhere. He helped me pick out my baby girls name (Isabella), he came to my ultrasound appointment, My 1st OB appointment, and everything. He was always there for everything. We made a babiesrus register together and everything was just going perfectly. We got along great. We were always laughing making jokes, we were romantic, and did a lot for each other. We're both nervous. I recently just had a baby shower...everything was going great. Our families got to know each other and everything went by smoothly. We all laughed and took pictures, opened our gifts infront of everyone. I was always told how lucky i was and how they saw how much he really cared.

    Here is the major problem!

    A day after the baby shower he went out to hang out with his friends. his friends aren't exactly the good roll-models for him. My boyfriend use to do a bunch of drugs and had that "I dont give a about anything!!!" kind of attitude. Till we met. He was happy and never did anything that would abuse his body. But the night after the day of the baby shower he decided to hang out with his friends. He gave me a kiss before he left, told me "your the best babe" and said that he'd be back in a couple of hours. I told him i was going to wait for him to come home so that i know he got home safely. we had a normal conversation and everything was fine. he sent me another message a minute after we got done texting. then he said those horrible words, Bare in mind that im due next month, he texted me; Trisha im sorry this might be unexpected but im not ready to be a dad, i cant do it, im sorry" and thats it. nothing less nothing more. I tried to get answers out of him...but he had no explanations except for "Im sorry." What does this mean??? im confused out of my mind

  • I am sorry that you are going through this so close to having your baby...

    You have to concentrate at the moment on that baby, and yourself sweetheart.

    If it was "three days" after you met, then where is the actual Father? Does he know?

    Your boyfriend may still come around, once the baby is born, I would imagine that he is torn between living his life, and being a responsible adult, Father, almost husband at such a young age and hanging out with his mates, has made him question what he wants, possibly also talk with them and their comments made...

    Concentrate on yourself and your baby and see what happens, after the baby is born...

    It is difficult for a man to walk this road, not because it's not his child but because, I'm gaging from school, etc, he/you are very young...



    • bumping......


      • And, bumping


        • I'll ask the same question CW has asked.

          Where is the actual father and does he know?

          As for the 'new' guy... That was A LOT to commit to three days into a relationship. You both should have thought about that a little more. It was great that he did so much up until the point of him getting cold feet, however, it did seem kind of too good to be true and I probably wouldn't have been all that surprised by his sudden revelations. It takes a lot for a man to raise another man's child, as good of intentions as there may be, it still is a lot.

          At this point, you do need to let him go. Focus on yourself and your baby. Do you have family around, etc.?

          Are you prepared and ready to be a single mom?


          • I think im ready. I know im strong and ive been through worse with family issues. My babys dad just walked away all because i asked him to tell his parents. He wanted to keep it a secret and i told him that ive told everyone in my family and that was one step to responsibilities along the way.

            Im trying to move on. His family opened their arms to my baby and i. They moved me in even tho i felt like it was too soon. I grew to love his family and i do want them in my life. I could care less about my ex but i cant seem to get my mind off of the situation.

            Even unpacking makes me want to cry dang hormones!!! I really just want to move on and love my baby and even tho we have a little family of our own we still have the rest of my family and my ex's family to spend time with. His family wants to be a part of my life. I understand why he isnt ready, I do. it just sucks that its that easy for men to walk away because they dont have to carry the baby inside them. regardless if i was the guy in the relationship or not i would be as ready as i ever would be. because walking out on someone so close to their due date is pathetic. if he said that he couldnt be a father thats fine but not completely tell me to f off. am i right?


            • Other than the fact YES IT WAS WAAYYY TO EARLY TO MOVE INTO A RELATIONSHIP the whole 5 months we were together everyone saw how happy he was throughout the whole thing. and it just doesnt make sense. I feel bad that his family hates him right now. but i know its not his fault. its neither a win or loose situation. What really hurts is he made it seem like he was completely ready no matter how many times i asked him if he was ok with it. Even a few days before the baby shower. im just really confused and im really trying to be strong. I just dont know what to do. Ive never felt so miserable. If i wasnt pregnant the situation would've been soo much easier


              • What he has done was remarkable but it sounds like it got overwhelming.
                The truth? It isn't his child and you haven't know each other very long. It's very possible that it hasn't really been real until recently. You are probably starting to show now and the shower with all the baby stuff probably brought home to him forcefully just what he was getting in to.

                You had come to depend on him pretty heavily and that is a lot to put on someone who is really a new friend. Ultimately this is your child and unless you give it for adoption, you have the primary responsiblity for supporting and raising it.


                • You are living with the ex's parents?

                  Why aren't you living with your family?
                  PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                  • oh i am definitely living with my family. I know that if i live with him that it will only put more stress on me. I feel kind of dumb because i have a lot of stress and no matter how much i know what the real truth is i just cant bring my self to do the right thing i know i should do. Why is that?!

                    Wild Child
                    i totally understand that dont get me wrong. But the fact that i asked him repeatedly if he was really ready, he would always say yes. Then he hangs out with his friends, all of a sudden in two hours he says he cant do it! Why is this?

                    i just wish this emotional roller-coaster will end. i just need peace of mind


                    • His family opened their arms to my baby and i. They moved me in even tho i felt like it was too soon. I grew to love his family and i do want them in my life. I could care less about my ex but i cant seem to get my mind off of the situation.

                      Even unpacking makes me want to cry
                      Hon you are confusing me to say the least.....

                      Maybe your speaking to fast, in your writing without explaining.

                      You talk alot about the ex, then alot about this ex, is it really that you badly wont someone , someone to see you? Love you and this baby?

                      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                      • When i say ex. im talking about my boyfriend who went through with me with the whole gregnancy. The babies real dad never got into the picture because he walked away a while ago. but my "EX" is just a boyfriend who worked through all of this baby mambojumbo with me then all of a sudden walked away. Im sorry for the confusion


                        • I get that sweetheart but I am worried that you hold a part for what "should have happened" with the ex, as his family welcomed you, you say they moved you in, not sure when that was, so this maybe devistating you more than would usually due to the way the "family" made you feel and then this boy made you feel the same and now you are on your own, so not so much this boy but your emotions, being pregnant and needing that love...

                          Does that make sense?

                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                          • Any time a relationship changes or ends it can be very confusing and hurtful. I suspect that this young man was being very compassionate. You met, he was attracted to you and then almost immediately learned that you were pregnant. I'm not clear on the progression here. It sounds like you met him while you were still with the guy you got pregnant by? That guy walked and this new one became your shoulder to cry on, your support system? This young man was initially supportive, he probably thought that he could handle this but now it's sinking in. This is a huge commitment. Its one thing to meet and start seeing someone who has a child, its another to get in when you are in the middle of a break up and pregnant. I don't know what his family was thinking, perhaps they are also very supportive people. While it's very caring of them, all this seems to have kept you from dealing fully with the reality of your situation and with what you need to do.

                            It's time for a little tough love.

                            There is no prince on a white horse who will ride in rescue you from this situation.

                            Where is your own family? It sounds like you have been relying on strangers for support and that's not going to carry through the next 20+ years if you chose to keep this child.
                            How old are you?
                            How much education do you have?
                            How much work experience do you have?
                            What are your plans to support a child and yourself?

                            You are more than half way through this pregnancy. At this time your options are limited, you can try to raise this child on your own or you can give it to a loving couple who wants a child. You do need to start doing some thinking and making some decisions. The statement that you, " could care less about my ex " seems to indicate that you weren't/aren't in love with this young man, you just want his support and care. This is your pregnancy, your life, your baby's life and you are going to have to own it as your responsibility. I assume you are in the US? Given the current political climate you need to assume that you will be more or less on your own in raising a child. I expect to see options for assistance to single mothers and infants/children cut.

                            How are you planning to support yourself and a child?
                            You've got 4 months to get this figured out. I'm sorry if this sounds blunt but you don't have the luxury of time. Being a single mom is tough. I know. Anyone who thinks creating a good relationship is tough, well doing it when you have a child is exponetially harder. You cannot have this child and keep it and think that you will find a man to take care of you. This is your gig. Forget the bf. Where are you living now? Are you still with his family? Are you working? Can you move back home with your family?

                            I would be asking my kid's freinds the same questions if they were in your situation. These are the things you need to be focusing on. I know it scary and tough but this is what you have to deal with right now. The sooner you figure it out, the sooner you can move forward.


                            • I am going to school, im taking online classes. I live with my parents now and they will help me with my child and i applied for WIC so they can help me keep my child as well. His family and i grew to love each other as well. The thing is i know that i dont need him. in the beginning i thought that it was because he just didnt want me. but i realized that if he thinks i wasnt good enough then hes totally wrong. We gave the world to each other in such a short time. and i shouldve been more cautious that let my heart open. I loved the idea of a family but even tho theres just my daughter and i, i know we'll have support from my family and their love as well. It might not be the same as a romantic love and a fathers love. but its still the thought and help that counts


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