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Mama Drama!!! Im freaking out i need advice!

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  • im trying to get the gist of the situation but its still hurting. What should i do to keep my mind off of stress and onto keeping my self busy and happy

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    • Focus on you and your unborn child. Period. Don't dwell on "should have" "could have" "wish this..." "wish that...". I am speaking from experience. Almost the exact same. I am in my 40's now, but 17 years ago, I was in the exact same position. I had been with a guy who I thought the world of, just after my boyfriend died in a car accident, and this man was my "soul mate", or so i thought. He was there for me after the tragedy, and one thing led to another, and I got pregnant. Not knowing I was pregnant (period very messed up due to stress of tragedy, using alcohol & drugs to numb myself) I realized that my "soul mate" was a drug addict, and I wanted nothing to do with him. Our relationship ended in December, and in the beginning of Feburary I found out I had become pregnant with his child the previous November. I got in touch with him to let him know, knowing sure well it was his, and he denied it could be, saying it had been too long. In the months after we had broken up, I got involved with my "high school sweetheart" after we saw each other at a party. He was the one with me when I found out I was preggers. He was the one who shoveled my driveway, bought me groceries, went to my Dr.s appts., rubbed my feet, made me dinners, took "care" of me. I knew I was in a situation that was strange, since I was carrying another man's baby, but all seemed well. I had my son, my current boyfriend visited me in the hospital, and promised we would make it work out. I invited the childs natural father to see him, and he never showed up. Wouldn't even sign paternity papers until a DNA test would be run. I went home with my newborn son, figuring I could count on the man that had stood by my side. Two months later, I was fighting the fight of my life. My son had been a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome, and I had no idea what had happened. My son nearly died, and I had to fight the state for custody of my son back, until I could prove who did this, they wouldnt budge. Turns out it was Mr. Wonderful, the man who said he would be there through it all. Apparently, it was too much for him to handle, even though he said he could. My sons father eventually came around, re-entered my life, and we were married for 15 years, and the only reason I married him was for the safety of my son, thinking it was the right decision. Fast forward 15 years, and I am now divorced from him. He made my life . I will say he was good to my boys (we ended up having another son together) but he never got over his drug addiction, and it got worse as time went on. If I could rewind my life, I would have raised that child on my own, knowing that I could trust only myself. I love my children more than life itself, but it's been one he**** of a ride.

      Take care of YOU! Don't count on someone else, no matter what they say. What they say are just words. Trust only you.
      just breathe . . .

      Comment


      • Originally posted by infinitlove91 View Post
        I am going to school, im taking online classes. I live with my parents now and they will help me with my child and i applied for WIC so they can help me keep my child as well. His family and i grew to love each other as well. The thing is i know that i dont need him. in the beginning i thought that it was because he just didnt want me. but i realized that if he thinks i wasnt good enough then hes totally wrong. We gave the world to each other in such a short time. and i shouldve been more cautious that let my heart open. I loved the idea of a family but even tho theres just my daughter and i, i know we'll have support from my family and their love as well. It might not be the same as a romantic love and a fathers love. but its still the thought and help that counts


        im trying to get the gist of the situation but its still hurting. What should i do to keep my mind off of stress and onto keeping my self busy and happy


        infinitlove, it is not unusual, in-fact it is normal to be a believer of infinite love..To see that white picket fence, that you saw as a child, and a father there, with you and child...Coupled with the family being loving, you feel as one...And, then it's gone....

        Put all that love now into you and into your child....And, it will shine through to some young guy that can see it all and become what you have dreamed of okay....

        It is good to put all of your heart into something, just not always, is it returned, doesn't mean you stop loving....Just means he was not going to be the right one for you after all...

        CW
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • Originally posted by stariana View Post
          Focus on you and your unborn child. Period. Don't dwell on "should have" "could have" "wish this..." "wish that...". I am speaking from experience. Almost the exact same. I am in my 40's now, but 17 years ago, I was in the exact same position. I had been with a guy who I thought the world of, just after my boyfriend died in a car accident, and this man was my "soul mate", or so i thought. He was there for me after the tragedy, and one thing led to another, and I got pregnant. Not knowing I was pregnant (period very messed up due to stress of tragedy, using alcohol & drugs to numb myself) I realized that my "soul mate" was a drug addict, and I wanted nothing to do with him. Our relationship ended in December, and in the beginning of Feburary I found out I had become pregnant with his child the previous November. I got in touch with him to let him know, knowing sure well it was his, and he denied it could be, saying it had been too long. In the months after we had broken up, I got involved with my "high school sweetheart" after we saw each other at a party. He was the one with me when I found out I was preggers. He was the one who shoveled my driveway, bought me groceries, went to my Dr.s appts., rubbed my feet, made me dinners, took "care" of me. I knew I was in a situation that was strange, since I was carrying another man's baby, but all seemed well. I had my son, my current boyfriend visited me in the hospital, and promised we would make it work out. I invited the childs natural father to see him, and he never showed up. Wouldn't even sign paternity papers until a DNA test would be run. I went home with my newborn son, figuring I could count on the man that had stood by my side. Two months later, I was fighting the fight of my life. My son had been a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome, and I had no idea what had happened. My son nearly died, and I had to fight the state for custody of my son back, until I could prove who did this, they wouldnt budge. Turns out it was Mr. Wonderful, the man who said he would be there through it all. Apparently, it was too much for him to handle, even though he said he could. My sons father eventually came around, re-entered my life, and we were married for 15 years, and the only reason I married him was for the safety of my son, thinking it was the right decision. Fast forward 15 years, and I am now divorced from him. He made my life . I will say he was good to my boys (we ended up having another son together) but he never got over his drug addiction, and it got worse as time went on. If I could rewind my life, I would have raised that child on my own, knowing that I could trust only myself. I love my children more than life itself, but it's been one he**** of a ride.

          Take care of YOU! Don't count on someone else, no matter what they say. What they say are just words. Trust only you.
          I AM VERY TOUCHED AND BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR STORY AND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. I will honestly say this that i may not know you I may never meet you, but that just made me stronger than just advice from people who have not been in my shoes. I do trust my self more than anyone, but we all get blind sided by men, its human nature you know? I sure as He**** dont want that to happen to me or my baby girl. She doesn't need to see mommy fight and stress over something she could've done her self. I really REALLY want to thank you for sharing you story. I've had my mom, family, and my ex's family give me advice and I would've never thought of a strangers words being my inspiration.

          I believe women are strong in a sense of being able to give birth and love the pain while guys walk away because of something so beautiful and life changing scares them. We can raise our own kids without men. Saying that, we are more of a man than they will ever be because we can make up for their loss and make sure our kids have it all.

          I 100% thank you Stariana. You are a strong person and i hope to be right next to your level of confidence and strength one day. I bet your a one of a kind mother, and i respect you fully

          Comment


          • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post


            It is good to put all of your heart into something, just not always, is it returned, doesn't mean you stop loving....Just means he was not going to be the right one for you after all...

            CW
            You are absolutely right CW, 150% right! its been a week and a couple of days. And in the past 2 days i HAVE NOT cried some of your words were harsh but had to be heard. I am so glad i signed for this website. We really are stronger than men. Just because we're not physically strong, doesn't mean we cant tackle battles. I am so glad to have people like you guys to tell me other wise that "I am not weak," just vulnerable for the moment, and that i will get stronger.

            Comment


            • infinite - glad my story helped you. I hate reliving all of that in my mind, because to this day, I still can't believe all I went through, but yeah, I did. If sharing helps someone to go forward with their eyes wide open, then I am glad it happened to me, so I could help you. And thank you for your kind words. Back then, I would wake up and say to myself, "Well, what's gonna happen today?" I faced it all, not knowing the consequences of my actions would last a lifetime. I was blind by circumstances, and took each day as it came. Now, now that I am away from my ex-husband, and dealing with life on life's terms without the stress of someone else's problems, I see how many, many things could have gone differently if I had only trusted my instinct. I let fear control me for a very, very, very long time. Your child deserves more, it deserves love. Don't depend on someone else to fulfill you. You never know how strong you are, until you have to be.
              just breathe . . .

              Comment


              • Thank you sooo much and i meant everything i said. Your right that we get blinded every once in a while. But women just care to much :P we cant help it, Its human nature. In the end we will succeed and accomplish more than men. We go through pregnancy, give life to a vulnerable human being and give them our patience, attention, and support to be on their own one day. Its been a couple of days.

                I havent cried, not even felt the need to shed a little tear. I realize that with him i was happy, but knowing i can do things on my own and make up for his mistake and loss makes me feel like wonder-woman Things might get hard a long the way but that wont stop me. Ill keep going no matter how low i have to crawl. Theres more to life than a relationship with another man. Family, friends. Ill meet that one guy that will sweep me off of my feet, not now, but I'm in no hurry to risk my heart for someone that might not last forever. I've got my daughter coming in 5 weeks maybe less. Im sure the feeling will be dramatic with happiness, relief, and all of the above. I might not know what im suppose to do. But ill get there...one way or another.

                Comment


                • Hate that I somehow missed this thread when it was first posted, but delighted to see that you've gotten some excellent advice and are doing better. Keep your head high, you're getting ready to be a mom and experience a gift that is unlike ANYTHING else in this world (from what I hear ). If you truly focus on this little one, who will love you and need you as a provider, a role model, a teacher, a protector.....then you'll be just fine. Relationships will come and go. There are few guarantees in life. Focus on you and your little one, and the rest will work itself out in time.

                  "Be what you're looking for."

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
                    Hate that I somehow missed this thread when it was first posted, but delighted to see that you've gotten some excellent advice and are doing better. Keep your head high, you're getting ready to be a mom and experience a gift that is unlike ANYTHING else in this world (from what I hear ). If you truly focus on this little one, who will love you and need you as a provider, a role model, a teacher, a protector.....then you'll be just fine. Relationships will come and go. There are few guarantees in life. Focus on you and your little one, and the rest will work itself out in time.

                    Beautiful Disaster; its ok if you missed this thread. And im glad you took the time to give me advice as well and more ways to look at my situation in a good way. I will admit im scared of the responsibilities, i guess ill just have to taste my own medicine that i gave my mom one day :P

                    Comment

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