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My grandmother's bad reaction... How do I deal with it?

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  • My grandmother's bad reaction... How do I deal with it?

    I recently told my family that I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I waited until we had gone to the doctor to confirm that I was pregnant and the baby was healthy before we told all of my family. We called them over this past weekend, and everyone had the usual reactions. They were concerned about how I would continue going to college and if I was going to get married. That was all understandable. Over all they were concerned but also excited about me having a baby.

    So my grandmother, my fathers mother, reacted the same way as everyone else. She was pretty concerned about my education and just my future in general. But she also made several comments about wishing she could still sew baby cloths and she offered to give us a rocking chair. That gave me the impression that she was concerned but not against me being pregnant. Although she did make several comments about how "I'm not sure I'm happy about this" and so on. I didn't let those get to me because I knew this would come as a shock.

    My dad called her today just to talk to her about it more and to share with her how he felt about this situation. I think he was thinking he could calm her down or something. Well when he said that he could have my mom send her pictures of the baby through her email she said she didn't want to see it. That's the whole reason why I'm posting this message. I can understand being concerned about me being pregnant, but I don't know how to handle that kind of reaction. I think she went to far. I just need some advice about how to approach this situation.

  • Is your father's mother religious? I would expect this type of reaction from a person who is quite religious or old fashioned in that the marriage is supposed to come before the pregnancy. Don't worry about it too much and don't push her to accept the situation. It will take her a while to come around. But she will most likely come around and want to see the baby when it comes.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • I know that my dad grew up catholic but my grandparents are not religious. And she hasn't thrown any scripture in my face or justified her feelings by saying its against God or anything. I would be able to process her reaction better if I knew it was because of some religious conviction.


      • Is there any chance she's just squeamish? Some people really don't like the look of ultrasound pictures. In the right light, they can be a little creepy (though naturally, when it's of your own baby it doesn't seem possible!)
        There's also the possibility that she didn't want to "put out" your parents by having them send the photos.

        Since she seemed to react moderately to the news except for the photo, maybe the photo is the problem and not your pregnancy.
        Last edited by Little; 05-29-2012, 09:27 AM.
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        • You know, some people live in the oldern days and consequently are old fashioned.

          Getting pregnant out of wedlock in her days were rare and she's just trying to, more than likely, get her head around the old values verses today's world. Not easy for the elderly.

          The fact that she "wished" she could still sew and wanted to give you a rocking chair shows the love she has for you, it's there..

          Just love her back and don't allow this to bother you too much. Once your little one is born, she will bit by bit, show her love more, especially seeing that you are coping and happy with the man you chose for your life.

          The elderly tend to worry a heck of a lot sweet... It will pass. Tell your Dad not to push her and to maybe tell her he understands... And, that he also knows she loves you.


          • hi, op.

            i just saw this thread and thought i'd throw my 2 cents in. my cousin got pregnant when she wasn't in a 'relationship'. and her aunt said the most horrible things before the baby was born. but as soon as the baby arrived, she was knitting booties, crocheting blankies, all the usual grandmother stuff. i think she was probably just in shock. my advice would be to keep her informed so she still feels involved, she'll come around in time. good luck in your pregnancy and i hope it all works out for you and your partner and junior. xx


            • Her reaction will surely change once she sees the baby. Sometimes, grandmothers are even more protective and loving than the mothers.


              • I am sorry your grandmother reacted that way. As others wrote, she will likely get over it -- and soon.

                I am a grandmother, a believer, and very conservative. I just cannot imagine your grandmother continuing that perceived attitude long.

                And remember: there is no such thing as an "illegitimate" child, as used to be said: all children are precious, born with an incredible amount of potential, and it is up to each one of us to respect them and do what we can to help bring them to that full potential.
                It's always disappointing when someone lies to me, then I look down, and their pants aren't on fire.


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