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Hate for parents

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  • I believe so and I have known people like that. First glance they seem to be really happy but then they are not.
    This colleague I mentioned earlier is always talking about other colleagues like no one is good enough besides him. I can't stand this kind of behavior so I avoid him. It is possible that I really can't stand his happiness for the person I know he is mixed with the "easy acquired happiness" or the "happiness show" that he gives now that he is a father.

    My father was by far the image that everyone has of a father. And, there were a lot of times that I really wished bad things to happen to him. I believe our attitudes might have a deeper reason and it is possible that this feelings I have come from a childhood ground more than a superficial jealously. Years ago, when I wished I had mine own kids, as I told, I had this kind of feeling of making up for what I had been through with a kid, giving the kid all that I wished I had almost like to find me a reason for my past suffering or to live a new childhood from a new child. And I don't think that is a good reason per se for having a kid. When I understood this, I calmed down on those dreams of having my own. I do a lot of introspective thoughts and always try to understand me globally.

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    • What you're saying makes sense. Have you heard the saying, "Misery loves company" ? I believe it to be true. When you felt miserable, it was even extra annoying to hear people chirping about their children, how great they are, etc. Now, I wonder if you are truly happy with where you are? If not, even on a deeper unrecognized level, it may cause you resentment toward others. Keep in mind that complacency and acceptance of a situation doesn't necessarily mean you're happy with it.

      Have you noticed any trend in the people who annoy you the most? Are they people who have bad relationships or bad attitudes or something like that, but then gush over their child? Perhaps you feel like it is just a cover up or a distraction from their problems? Or maybe you feel very resentful that they are so engulfed in their children when you did not have that from your father? And then also a twinge jealous because you feel you will not have the opportunity to experience that yourself by having your own children. The resentment manifests itself in anger and annoyance, when in fact it is truly just sadness.

      Having a kiddo to live vicariously through them isn't a great idea. BUT, having a kid so you have the opportunity to show him/her the kind of love and parenting you did not have, is not a bad idea at all. It could create some redemption for you. (I'm not advocating you go have babies....just making the comment. )






      "Be what you're looking for."

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      • Beautiful Disaster, I think > Resentment might be a better fit than Jealousy.
        I asked myself a lot of times if I am truly happy now and I am! I mean, this life I have at the moment is something I was looking for so long. However, I still have a lot of sadness but not from this life that I lead right now but from things that happened before. My mother died, there are huge holes that feels like they will never get filled right now (like I never got her to see me graduate from college and I never will since she died before that) and a lot lot more than this but I don't want to explore more of that since it will make this post go off topic and focus on life tragedies Not what I want.
        Even a few days ago I stop to think about my current life and I felt like "Whoa boy... I have such a nice life right now". It feels like finally I am enjoying life, for the first time... actually.

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        • That's great. You'd be super abnormal if you did not carry some type of emotional baggage around. The important part is being able to see where you are now and feel happiness from it. My dad died unexpectedly 6 months before I graduated high school. I can totally relate to those feelings of sadness for every milestone they miss.

          So yeah...maybe it's pent up resentment. I think figuring out what is truly causing the feelings toward those with kids will help you overcome it. You'll probably always be somewhat annoyed by it, (I am to an extent.) but maybe you can reign it in a bit where it's a healthier level of annoyance. I tell myself that if I had kids, I'd likely be very much the same way. I'm pretty darn smitten over my "dog-child" and I know I'd be equally, if not tremendously more so over my own child.
          "Be what you're looking for."

          Comment


          • hi, just noticed your post here. you know from one side i can understand you. you just are not prepared for the kids; you need some time to understand that kids are the best in our life. I was always dreaming about my children but couldn't get pregnant for a long time. Of course your case is different but i believe one day you will get this feeling of being a mom. don't be annoyed with other people's questions, they just don't understand you. best of luck to your family

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