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Hate for parents

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  • gracee
    replied
    hi, just noticed your post here. you know from one side i can understand you. you just are not prepared for the kids; you need some time to understand that kids are the best in our life. I was always dreaming about my children but couldn't get pregnant for a long time. Of course your case is different but i believe one day you will get this feeling of being a mom. don't be annoyed with other people's questions, they just don't understand you. best of luck to your family

    Leave a comment:


  • Ashlee T.
    replied
    That's great. You'd be super abnormal if you did not carry some type of emotional baggage around. The important part is being able to see where you are now and feel happiness from it. My dad died unexpectedly 6 months before I graduated high school. I can totally relate to those feelings of sadness for every milestone they miss.

    So yeah...maybe it's pent up resentment. I think figuring out what is truly causing the feelings toward those with kids will help you overcome it. You'll probably always be somewhat annoyed by it, (I am to an extent.) but maybe you can reign it in a bit where it's a healthier level of annoyance. I tell myself that if I had kids, I'd likely be very much the same way. I'm pretty darn smitten over my "dog-child" and I know I'd be equally, if not tremendously more so over my own child.

    Leave a comment:


  • Lithium
    replied

    Beautiful Disaster, I think > Resentment might be a better fit than Jealousy.
    I asked myself a lot of times if I am truly happy now and I am! I mean, this life I have at the moment is something I was looking for so long. However, I still have a lot of sadness but not from this life that I lead right now but from things that happened before. My mother died, there are huge holes that feels like they will never get filled right now (like I never got her to see me graduate from college and I never will since she died before that) and a lot lot more than this but I don't want to explore more of that since it will make this post go off topic and focus on life tragedies Not what I want.
    Even a few days ago I stop to think about my current life and I felt like "Whoa boy... I have such a nice life right now". It feels like finally I am enjoying life, for the first time... actually.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ashlee T.
    replied
    What you're saying makes sense. Have you heard the saying, "Misery loves company" ? I believe it to be true. When you felt miserable, it was even extra annoying to hear people chirping about their children, how great they are, etc. Now, I wonder if you are truly happy with where you are? If not, even on a deeper unrecognized level, it may cause you resentment toward others. Keep in mind that complacency and acceptance of a situation doesn't necessarily mean you're happy with it.

    Have you noticed any trend in the people who annoy you the most? Are they people who have bad relationships or bad attitudes or something like that, but then gush over their child? Perhaps you feel like it is just a cover up or a distraction from their problems? Or maybe you feel very resentful that they are so engulfed in their children when you did not have that from your father? And then also a twinge jealous because you feel you will not have the opportunity to experience that yourself by having your own children. The resentment manifests itself in anger and annoyance, when in fact it is truly just sadness.

    Having a kiddo to live vicariously through them isn't a great idea. BUT, having a kid so you have the opportunity to show him/her the kind of love and parenting you did not have, is not a bad idea at all. It could create some redemption for you. (I'm not advocating you go have babies....just making the comment. )






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  • Lithium
    replied
    I believe so and I have known people like that. First glance they seem to be really happy but then they are not.
    This colleague I mentioned earlier is always talking about other colleagues like no one is good enough besides him. I can't stand this kind of behavior so I avoid him. It is possible that I really can't stand his happiness for the person I know he is mixed with the "easy acquired happiness" or the "happiness show" that he gives now that he is a father.

    My father was by far the image that everyone has of a father. And, there were a lot of times that I really wished bad things to happen to him. I believe our attitudes might have a deeper reason and it is possible that this feelings I have come from a childhood ground more than a superficial jealously. Years ago, when I wished I had mine own kids, as I told, I had this kind of feeling of making up for what I had been through with a kid, giving the kid all that I wished I had almost like to find me a reason for my past suffering or to live a new childhood from a new child. And I don't think that is a good reason per se for having a kid. When I understood this, I calmed down on those dreams of having my own. I do a lot of introspective thoughts and always try to understand me globally.

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  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by Lithium View Post
    I see others in a "easy acquired" happiness.[/U]
    everyone has battles they are fighting; many people do not advertise their troubles and project happiness and kindness to others because they've been through stuff themselves

    it may seem people have "easily acquired" happiness but when people open up to you, you'll learn differently

    another child was talking to me recently (our child was not outside)
    we started talking about grandparents and other things, she said "I've had a lot of loss in my life" this from a child who is always smiling and appears to be happiest kid around

    Leave a comment:


  • Lithium
    replied
    Originally posted by amy40 View Post

    Could there be some jealousy? You stated, "after that experience I wanted my own."
    I was a child myself back then. A lot happened until I have reached a point of acceptance maybe, in which it doesn't give me sadness or any feelings of emptiness whatsoever.
    Back then I would have thought that I was truly jealous and raging against those who had something I didn't. That's the picture everyone gets, including me. I see that clearly.
    However, I don't think that is the scenario now and that is why I don't think it is related to being jealous at all. And even back then , when I wanted my own, I never felt this "rage" against those who had kids. This is something new.

    The only thing I guessed was that (maybe?) I get angry at people happiness when I feel miserable.
    I don't feel miserable, I love my job, my house, my partner BUT, I do feel that I have been miserable in the past and even nowadays that I am happy, I feel like I still have to fight breathless to keep me in this beautiful scenario and I see others in a "easy acquired" happiness.



    Maybe something like that. I know I repeat a lot of "maybe's" but my words here are as sure as a maybe.

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by Lithium View Post
    . So... I don't think it is a jealousy thing.
    Could there be some jealousy? You stated, "after that experience I wanted my own."
    The amount of anger displayed in your first post may not be truly directed at others, but at your own circumstances.

    Anger we direct at others, is really anger at ourselves. Something about the person is reminding us about what we need to work on.

    Seeing people with kids or things you may want or not admit to yourself that you want in your life, focuses your anger at them like a laser.
    Turn that light back on yourself and see what you find. It's worth it to not live with so much anger and depression is often repressed anger. (often, not always)

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by Lithium View Post
    I just can't stand the bragging of children
    Lithium now that you are hearing from your co-worker....thought of something
    knew someone that got so much attention when pregnant and once the baby arrived, the baby was the focus
    she said she missed the attention, so sometimes a parent could be craving that attention, also

    and ANY attention, even it's about the kids, is gratification for the parent who wants that

    to get your co-worker off baby topic, ask how SHE's feeling, coping with being a new mom
    Last edited by amy40; 08-23-2017, 12:15 PM. Reason: new insight

    Leave a comment:


  • Lithium
    replied
    Originally posted by jns View Post
    Welcome to WH, Lithium! Do you also have a similar reaction when people show off other things such as their auto or their house?
    Not really. Only if its a person really full of itself (and pretty much a show off getting everybody else annoyed around).
    At the most, I can wish the person to go into the car and crash it in front of my eyes so I can laugh about it but only if it really gets on my nerves.
    But I am not a jealous person. I mean, if someone gets a prize of a million something I will not get all jealous about it. If someone receives a prize of a new house, it doesn't makes me go nut and I can even be happy for a lot of people being blessed with such prizes! Some people really deserve that and I can even be really happy when I see that a couple fighting years for a child finally got a child. So... I don't think it is a jealousy thing.

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Welcome to WH, Lithium! Do you also have a similar reaction when people show off other things such as their auto or their house?

    Leave a comment:


  • Lithium
    replied
    Originally posted by amy40 View Post
    is there something else you are dealing with then?
    do you not want to marry and have kids or did you just find out you are unable to?
    Yes, can say that I am dealing with a lot of problems that I don't really want to mention here. I have a partner (long and stable relationship) and he doesn't want anything to do with marriage or kids. As someone else said here, its a person choices and nowadays is quite common so I respect it. And this is the mainly reason why I don't think I will ever be having my own.


    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by Lithium View Post
    And, after that experience I wanted my own. But, I guess I never will.
    is there something else you are dealing with then?
    do you not want to marry and have kids or did you just find out you are unable to?

    Leave a comment:


  • Lithium
    replied
    I wanted to add that, I don't want to feel like this, I really don't but I can't help it and I posted here also as way to seek a bit of everyone's thoughts and let you all know that I want to overcome this kind of feelings/thoughts of mine. It is not good/healthy to feel like this.

    Leave a comment:


  • Lithium
    replied
    I have a older brother and in the family there are no babies since our parents were the youngest in the family tree (all cousins are living far away and way older than us).
    But, Beautiful Disaster, I do not dislike kids. I just can't stand the bragging of children all the time like they have to be the first topic on all chats, "oh my son this, oh my daughter that" like they are the role model for every single living being. Every breath the child does its awesome and must be shared - it makes me sick.

    When I babysit-ted I was so in love with the babies (those babies) but wasn't bragging about them. However, I felt so connected it hurt when I stopped babysit them. And, after that experience I wanted my own. But, I guess I never will. And, with time it grew this "hate" of having to stand this situations where parents just don't realize when to stop bragging about the most simple things the kid did or not.

    Leave a comment:

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