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older the kids, bigger the problems?

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  • older the kids, bigger the problems?

    learned a friend's teen is in rehab
    another person I know is raising her grandkids due to her daughter's troubles

    it seems as kids get older, the problems get bigger
    has anyone else found that true?

  • I'm not a parent but sure, it seems pretty obvious to me.

    Comment


    • Growing up is not a neat process at any stage of the game. Some people do better than others, though
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

      Comment


      • Not always. I've always said I was just really lucky with my kids as teenagers. I'm not sure if it was directly because of anything I said or did, but they both, didn't do drugs, abuse alcohol, skip school (well maybe my son did a time or two) and just always had their heads squarely on their shoulders.

        It's not always obvious to parents and we have to be very vigilant to the crowd they are hanging with.

        I do think that todays kids have a much more complex world to navigate than mine did, or myself for that matter. Sometimes stuff just happens to good kids.
        That which we forget may as well never really happened.

        Comment


        • Hi, friend, Very true words! It is really true in my case. When my child was a small baby, he eats whatever is given to him. As he grew older, he stopped eating. It is very hard to make him eat. I have to sit along with him to make him eat. He also returns back from school with filled lunch-box. I don’t know why he is not feeling hungry when he has grown up. I met his school teacher and told her his problem. But, instead of listening to me, she just starts complaining about his misbehavior in her class. He usually found fighting with his friends and I don’t know what I will do to stop him. I spank him sometimes, but that doesn’t work and generates no hope. I think his teacher also punishes him and his friends told me that he has changed. Now, no one likes him nor his friends are ready to play with him. He is too naughty and doesn’t heed to what others are saying. Anyone with a solution can comment below.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by panchal View Post
            Hi, friend, Very true words! It is really true in my case. When my child was a small baby, he eats whatever is given to him. As he grew older, he stopped eating. It is very hard to make him eat. I have to sit along with him to make him eat. He also returns back from school with filled lunch-box. I don’t know why he is not feeling hungry when he has grown up. I met his school teacher and told her his problem. But, instead of listening to me, she just starts complaining about his misbehavior in her class. He usually found fighting with his friends and I don’t know what I will do to stop him. I spank him sometimes, but that doesn’t work and generates no hope. I think his teacher also punishes him and his friends told me that he has changed. Now, no one likes him nor his friends are ready to play with him. He is too naughty and doesn’t heed to what others are saying. Anyone with a solution can comment below.
            Panchal - you never teach a child NOT to hit by hitting them. This gives conflicting messages. How old is your child? What grade in school is he in? Is he bullied in school by the other kids? Is he did-respectful to the teacher?
            That which we forget may as well never really happened.

            Comment


            • One of the most powerful and useful lessons I ever learned was accompanied with my mother hitting me after I got into a fight with my little cousin when she told me not to. There was no conflict whatsoever.

              If more hardheaded people's mothers had hit them like mine hit me, I truly believe the world would be a better place.
              "Those sowing seed with tears
              Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Stillness View Post
                If more hardheaded people's mothers had hit them like mine hit me, I truly believe the world would be a better place.
                wonder about that, still, as I've seen neighbor swing her arm back and hit kid hard as well as yell at the kids

                her kids are always hitting each other; find them the worst behaved kids in neighborhood and when they are out playing with our kid and others, that is when the most conflict happens


                explain that to me

                Comment


                • Children get out of control. Mothers get out of control. Fathers get out of control. I am glad that my parents did not yell or shout at me excessively. My parents told me what they wanted me to do and expected me to do it. Arguments did sometimes occur, especially during my teenage years as they did with my siblings. If I continued to do wrong after being told what to do - sometimes several times, I got spanked on the buttocks. If I did something that I should have known was wrong, I would get spanked. My parents were almost always in control when they spanked me. I was also told the reason before the spanking. One time, my brother and I were fighting, so my mother got the stick and told us that first one would spank the other and then it would reverse. We gave each other taps, but it broke up the fight. I think properly disciplined children are generally better behaved. I think spanking, done properly, can be part of the discipline. Better behavior leads to better educated children.

                  amy40 that mother is out of control. That is not discipline, rather it is abuse. I do not see the connection to the case Stillness talked about. It sounds like his mother was completely in control.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                  Comment


                  • I'm a big believer in discipline and using physical punishment on occasion if needed. Abuse and discipline are often intertwined in my opinion.

                    It seems to me that, parents no longer "raise" their kids. There's no real parenting happening. There are people that have kids. They never really take the approach to parenting that should be taken.
                    That's what is wrong, in my opinion.

                    Comment


                    • amy40
                      Originally posted by jns View Post
                      amy40 that mother is out of control. That is not discipline, rather it is abuse. I do not see the connection to the case Stillness talked about. It sounds like his mother was completely in control.
                      Exactly! jns stole my answer. Corporal punishment doesn't mean bad parenting any more than the lack of it means good parenting. I don't think my mother ever yelled at me. I was getting too big and wasn't listening. I think the conversation went something like this:

                      Mother: "Didn't I tell you not to burst your cousin's balloon? Didn't I tell you not to hit him? Why did you disobey me?"
                      Me: "He kept hitting me with the balloon and no one was stopping him."
                      Mother: "Regardless of what someone else is doing, you do what you're supposed to do."

                      Then she hit me on the arm with a hanger one good time. It was shocking because she had never hit me that I could remember and she actually drew blood. It left a scar for a good long while – so long that we were joking about it while I still had the scar.

                      She was probably concerned at my blatant disregard for her instructions at my age and wanted to protect me. It worked. The scar went away, but until this day I remember that lesson – one I see a lot of other grown people fail to understand. They’re always worried about what someone else is doing or getting away with. They let other people’s bad behavior (or what they perceive as injustice) cause them to misbehave.
                      "Those sowing seed with tears
                      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by jns View Post
                        I was also told the reason before the spanking.
                        so you knew ahead of time your expectations and that going against those would result in spanking?

                        OR you did something your parents didn't like, they decided to spank you in that moment, and then told you seconds before this is why?

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Claret View Post
                          It's not always obvious to parents and we have to be very vigilant to the crowd they are hanging with.
                          .
                          agree Claret
                          my friend said her kid got in with the wrong crowd

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by amy40 View Post

                            so you knew ahead of time your expectations and that going against those would result in spanking?

                            OR you did something your parents didn't like, they decided to spank you in that moment, and then told you seconds before this is why?
                            Both. There were specific directions for some things. Otherwise: "If I did something that I should have known was wrong, I would get spanked." I was trained on right and wrong. It was up to me to make the right decision. I learnd that to ask and get an answer that I did not obey resulted in worse punishment than not asking. I found that it's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission (Grace Hopper quote.) My father's answer was always no, so many things were decided by my mother.
                            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                            ...
                            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by jns View Post
                              My father's answer was always no, so many things were decided by my mother.
                              meaning after your father said no, you then asked her and she said yes?






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