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older the kids, bigger the problems?

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  • amy40
    started a topic older the kids, bigger the problems?

    older the kids, bigger the problems?

    learned a friend's teen is in rehab
    another person I know is raising her grandkids due to her daughter's troubles

    it seems as kids get older, the problems get bigger
    has anyone else found that true?

  • Popcorn&Candy
    replied
    I wasn't really yelled at or hit as a child. However, I was disciplined and my mother did hit me once on the **** when I had been very naughty! No: I was hit once or twice when I got older, but I was not damaged by it. In fact, I can understand why. Still, I'd never hit any children of mine. If they were naughty, I'd make them sit on their own in their room for two hours. They'd also lose their privileges if they had been very naughty. I don't think violence is the answer.

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  • amy40
    replied
    thanks for input, everyone

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  • amy40
    replied
    thanks for posting isabel

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  • amy40
    replied


    you are right, though, the older kids get, it is more of a challenge

    Leave a comment:


  • Isabelmason
    replied
    Hello, I am a mother of two children, and I know exactly what happens to the house and our lives as our children grow older and older. From the start, they are like okay I mean they are just babies how bad can they be when they grow older and break everything they get in their hands. Then there is a time they get to school and the real fun part start here they just do their homework on the walls instead if the notebooks provided. In the next few years they get a bit elder like 12-13 years it’s time they get more sensitive in their life and dangerous at the same time managing them is the hardest thing as you can't beat them like you used to be but then you will get used to it. My children are 15-18 years old, and they make plenty of mess right now but my husband take charge of it, and all is good.

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied


    having after school activities and/or homework helps keeps kids out of trouble

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Originally posted by amy40 View Post
    meaning after your father said no, you then asked her and she said yes?
    Not at all. My mother did her own reckoning. She may have said yes more than no, but that may have been because of the questions I asked her. She didn't like to say yes to everything, so there could have been some questions that I figured were going to be no anyhow and I really didn't care about. Useful training when dealing with bad bosses.

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  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by jns View Post
    My father's answer was always no, so many things were decided by my mother.
    meaning after your father said no, you then asked her and she said yes?






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  • jns
    replied
    Originally posted by amy40 View Post

    so you knew ahead of time your expectations and that going against those would result in spanking?

    OR you did something your parents didn't like, they decided to spank you in that moment, and then told you seconds before this is why?
    Both. There were specific directions for some things. Otherwise: "If I did something that I should have known was wrong, I would get spanked." I was trained on right and wrong. It was up to me to make the right decision. I learnd that to ask and get an answer that I did not obey resulted in worse punishment than not asking. I found that it's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission (Grace Hopper quote.) My father's answer was always no, so many things were decided by my mother.

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  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by Claret View Post
    It's not always obvious to parents and we have to be very vigilant to the crowd they are hanging with.
    .
    agree Claret
    my friend said her kid got in with the wrong crowd

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by jns View Post
    I was also told the reason before the spanking.
    so you knew ahead of time your expectations and that going against those would result in spanking?

    OR you did something your parents didn't like, they decided to spank you in that moment, and then told you seconds before this is why?

    Leave a comment:


  • Stillness
    replied
    amy40
    Originally posted by jns View Post
    amy40 that mother is out of control. That is not discipline, rather it is abuse. I do not see the connection to the case Stillness talked about. It sounds like his mother was completely in control.
    Exactly! jns stole my answer. Corporal punishment doesn't mean bad parenting any more than the lack of it means good parenting. I don't think my mother ever yelled at me. I was getting too big and wasn't listening. I think the conversation went something like this:

    Mother: "Didn't I tell you not to burst your cousin's balloon? Didn't I tell you not to hit him? Why did you disobey me?"
    Me: "He kept hitting me with the balloon and no one was stopping him."
    Mother: "Regardless of what someone else is doing, you do what you're supposed to do."

    Then she hit me on the arm with a hanger one good time. It was shocking because she had never hit me that I could remember and she actually drew blood. It left a scar for a good long while – so long that we were joking about it while I still had the scar.

    She was probably concerned at my blatant disregard for her instructions at my age and wanted to protect me. It worked. The scar went away, but until this day I remember that lesson – one I see a lot of other grown people fail to understand. They’re always worried about what someone else is doing or getting away with. They let other people’s bad behavior (or what they perceive as injustice) cause them to misbehave.

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  • atskitty2
    replied
    I'm a big believer in discipline and using physical punishment on occasion if needed. Abuse and discipline are often intertwined in my opinion.

    It seems to me that, parents no longer "raise" their kids. There's no real parenting happening. There are people that have kids. They never really take the approach to parenting that should be taken.
    That's what is wrong, in my opinion.

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Children get out of control. Mothers get out of control. Fathers get out of control. I am glad that my parents did not yell or shout at me excessively. My parents told me what they wanted me to do and expected me to do it. Arguments did sometimes occur, especially during my teenage years as they did with my siblings. If I continued to do wrong after being told what to do - sometimes several times, I got spanked on the buttocks. If I did something that I should have known was wrong, I would get spanked. My parents were almost always in control when they spanked me. I was also told the reason before the spanking. One time, my brother and I were fighting, so my mother got the stick and told us that first one would spank the other and then it would reverse. We gave each other taps, but it broke up the fight. I think properly disciplined children are generally better behaved. I think spanking, done properly, can be part of the discipline. Better behavior leads to better educated children.

    amy40 that mother is out of control. That is not discipline, rather it is abuse. I do not see the connection to the case Stillness talked about. It sounds like his mother was completely in control.

    Leave a comment:

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