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are we overprotective?

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  • Linda002
    replied
    I feel your point of view is very right. I would have also done the same. Kid’s security is the supreme thing. If something happens we cannot control it later, so it’s always better to avoid such situations. I also advise my kids all the time to not come alone outside of their classes. I second your decision and think is it’s absolutely right what you did.

    Leave a comment:


  • Linda002
    replied
    I feel your point of view is very right. I would have also done the same. Kid’s security is the supreme thing. If something happens we cannot control it later, so it’s always better to avoid such situations. I also advise my kids all the time to not come alone outside of their classes. I second your decision and think is it’s absolutely right what you did.

    Leave a comment:


  • atskitty2
    replied
    Yep, it was ALL through computer. Lol

    As far as self paying, there was no way to keep track of who was paying. With financial aid, yes I always wondered why it wasn't different, and so many of those weren't managed correctly. But it wasn't my job to fix the problem, I just had to deal with the problems it all did create.
    Wish I'd kept that job. Lol

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
    Jns, on the student accounts, there was no tracking of who paid unless there was an employer who made arrangements for students through a separate account. Or other special arrangements, etc. For students, they are responsible for the payment, not parents or friends, so when classes were dropped, refunds went to students.
    Same for federal grant monies. There was a system in place to catch those, but it wasn't 100%. Students routinely got refunds only to be expected to pay it back. They rarely did tho, because they didn't understand the terms and some did it knowingly every semester.

    Our system stunk, no doubt. And hopefully it's changed in the years since I worked there.
    Back then, checks were still commonplace so, there could be a check from several people for one student. Our student population back then was 26000 I think, so tracking every person who paid on an account would have been a task.
    There are these things called computers . . . Colleges and universities were at the forefront of making them useful, such as to track thousands (or millions) of accounts. The colleges give financial aid partly due to the student's finances. If the student lives at the parent's house during the breaks, the college bases its aid on the parents finances. They know very well who is paying since that is their source of support. They require 2 years of living completely away from parents for them to consider the student independent. This sounds like another scam by the colleges. It would be better if they returned the money to its source to disincentivize dropping out. I know that the college I went to seized my grants and loans until the last ones came in to make sure that the tuition was paid, forcing me to go on starvation rations for a number of weeks. It affected my ability to concentrate. I have never given them even one cent.

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  • atskitty2
    replied
    Jns, on the student accounts, there was no tracking of who paid unless there was an employer who made arrangements for students through a separate account. Or other special arrangements, etc. For students, they are responsible for the payment, not parents or friends, so when classes were dropped, refunds went to students.
    Same for federal grant monies. There was a system in place to catch those, but it wasn't 100%. Students routinely got refunds only to be expected to pay it back. They rarely did tho, because they didn't understand the terms and some did it knowingly every semester.

    Our system stunk, no doubt. And hopefully it's changed in the years since I worked there.
    Back then, checks were still commonplace so, there could be a check from several people for one student. Our student population back then was 26000 I think, so tracking every person who paid on an account would have been a task.

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
    Many times the parents had paid for tuition, only to find that the students dropped classes and got the full refund, sometimes thousands of dollars. They are oblivious to what their kids are doing, and what they want, and just go along, no communication, etc.
    The money should be refunded to the payer, not the third party student if it was paid by the parents. Is grant money also refunded to the student instead of going back to the grant giver?

    Leave a comment:


  • atskitty2
    replied
    I agree. And part of that is for him to set those boundaries, as an adult. But you're right, that's why higher degrees are more difficult. To weed out those who don't want it bad enough.

    I worked at a college for a few years while I was in college. I started as a student worker and then got a full time job so it helped pay for my education. I was always shocked at the parents who would call in or show up, asking for info on their kids grades, their attendance, etc...and explaining that we cannot give that info.

    They cannot understand why.

    Many times the parents had paid for tuition, only to find that the students dropped classes and got the full refund, sometimes thousands of dollars. They are oblivious to what their kids are doing, and what they want, and just go along, no communication, etc.

    Parents have no sense of boundaries and willingness to let their kids go sometime. I'm not sure what the best advice is to her, other than let him go and butt out of it.
    Just out of curiosity, is she married or single?

    Leave a comment:


  • Ashlee T.
    replied
    jns - No. Just afraid of him dropping out of the program. But my thoughts? If he doesn't want it bad enough to go for it, to push for it, maybe he shouldn't be in it. People like myself worked their hineys off to get that masters degree (The same one he's going for.), all while working full time jobs. She messaged me last night and said he ended up with an A in the class he thought he'd get a C in. Then she made a FB post about how her prayers were answered. I understand wanting your children to do well no matter what age they are. I know that being a parent doesn't stop just because your kid turns into an adult. But at what point do you stop and ask yourself, "Am I holding him/her back from growth?" To me, a parent who gets THAT involved in her almost 24 year olds grad school needs to take a huge step back.

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
    Someone I haven't spoken to in years contacted me last night because her son (who is 23 years old....by the way) is struggling in a graduate program he's currently in. Basically, she was just saying she did not know what to do.
    Is she afraid of suicide? What?

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied
    Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
    And I find it so strange that a mother would be THAT involved in her 23 year old sons affairs.
    BD
    there's often a special connection between moms and sons
    saw something once about moms in Italy....how they love their unmarried sons to still live with them and the moms cook for them and do their laundry even

    (I'd be passing on doing laundry for a grown son...sorry no)

    Leave a comment:


  • Ashlee T.
    replied
    Speaking of overprotective.........

    Someone I haven't spoken to in years contacted me last night because her son (who is 23 years old....by the way) is struggling in a graduate program he's currently in. Basically, she was just saying she did not know what to do. Of course, I recommended that he, as the adult that he is, speak to the head of the grad program he's in. She responded that he is scheduled to, but she is extremely nervous about that. I suggested too that he find some buddies in his program that he can study with. She mentioned he doesn't really have any friends because he is a loner. He has never worked. He finished his bachelors (on his parents dime...which is fine) and went immediately into working on his masters (also on his parents dime). I don't understand how they think they are doing the best thing for him in this. And I find it so strange that a mother would be THAT involved in her 23 year old sons affairs.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ashlee T.
    replied
    Yeah, I'd agree. If I were leaving my child at a place and trusting them in the hands of someone else, I'd want to know that those people were supervising my kid at all times.

    Leave a comment:


  • atskitty2
    replied
    I'd have to agree, that's not a very good approach by this organization.

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    replied
    bothers me since there have been attempted child abductions in our town of kids walking home from school
    as well as successful child abductions in our state

    Leave a comment:


  • amy40
    started a topic are we overprotective?

    are we overprotective?

    our child had a 3 hr practice last night

    we went to pick up child who was waiting in the public area instead of inside the activity room
    so apparently they let the kids roam the bldg

    is this a good, safe business practice
    neither husband and I think so

    we told our child last night to wait inside the room next time if dismissed early

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