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Co-Sleeping : How old is TOO old?

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    Co-Sleeping : How old is TOO old?

    This is for parents and non-parents. How do you feel about your children (or future children) sleeping in bed with you and your partner, or just you if you're single? How old is too old?
    "Be what you're looking for."


    #2
    some people in the adoption community have co-slept in order to bond
    I used to follow some blogs, now discontinued but seems to me some people were co-sleeping even to age 11?

    Comment


      #3
      I saw a post on FB last week that got me thinking about the topic. I know everyone is different in their perception of what is okay an why, so I thought I'd ask. This person has a 9 year old daughter who up until last week had never slept in the bed without her mom. This was a problem in her marriage when she was married, and I suspect now that she's divorced and dating it is coming up as even a more pressing issue (obviously if new dude stays the night he wouldn't feel super comfortable sharing the bed with this woman and her 9 year old.) So anyway, she made this super big deal out of it when the child slept in her own bed that night. The next morning posted about how tired she was because kiddo woke up at 2am. Mom ended up sleeping in the kids bed for the rest of the night.

      I started my period when I was 9, so it's hard for me to imagine still sleeping with my parents at that age.
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


        #4
        Sleeping together is very different for some cultures. There may be no cut off age when people are using body heat to stay warm during the cool season and there aren't separate rooms. At least that is my experience in several Southeast Asian countries.

        In American culture, it is common for kids to start sleeping separately from their parents at a young age. I used to be terrified about something being under the bed around the age of five or six. I gradually grew out of it, but I woke my parents up many times (my older brother was in the room and did not wake up). I suppose that if I had the option I would have slept in my parents' room until I was quite a bit older.

        Having a child in a room can complicate having sex, sort of like a mild form of natural birth control. Other than that, I do not see a problem with the child sleeping with the parents until puberty as long as a natural parent-child relationship exists.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment


          #5
          I think I'd struggle with it if I were a parent because I know I'd WANT my kid to sleep with me. The peace and comfort and bonding of just knowing they are there and safe. But, I'd also question if it was the best thing for THEIR independence and emotional growth.

          Interesting thought regarding the cultural differences. I can see that some areas do it as necessity. Others do it as bonding. Some start it as bonding but let it get to the point of co-dependence.
          "Be what you're looking for."

          Comment


            #6
            I went out to dinner with my cousin, his wife, and daughters. This came up. He brought up that their girls (around 3 and 5 at the time) slept with them and very tactfully expressed a little displeasure with it. Apparently even the dog slept with them. Then he started talking about how much sex his parents had and how they embarrassed him growing up. Their bed was for them alone, so the whole family sleeping together was different for him. But that was how his wife wanted it.

            Not 3 months later she left him. On one hand it was shocking, because they seemed so solid and in love. On the other hand, I thought it was weird that they were sharing their bed and that's the first thing I thought of when I heard the news. They probably weren't using their bed the way married people are supposed to.

            A little baby would be cool in bed. Maybe even a toddler sometimes, but it would have to be temporary and infrequent.
            "Those sowing seed with tears
            Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

            Comment


              #7
              I wonder if people used to sleeping together as in touching or partially on top of each other can regulate their body temperature so as to not overheat. I generally don't like contact with someone else due to overheating.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
                Some start it as bonding but let it get to the point of co-dependence.
                agree with that

                there are lots of other ways to achieve bonding/attachment

                Comment


                  #9
                  I think it's something every family has to determine based on the needs of their kids. I think some boundaries and unhealthy results can occur, as with anything else. And I think many couples sacrifice their own intimacy way too much for this.

                  Most try to do the very best for their kids tho, so I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt here.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    My dog sleeps in the bed. But, since my bf and I don't have children sex isn't a "bedtime only" kind of thing for us. If we had children and bedtime was the only time we could have sex, then having a child in the bed would absolutely remove that option. (Having a dog in the bed doesn't. Lol). I feel like parents are choosing, sleeping with the child over sex with their partner. You will find that most often it is the mother pushing for the sleeping arrangement, and the father tolerates it but is not happy about it. Because he knows sex and bonding time is over.
                    "Be what you're looking for."

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
                      My dog sleeps in the bed. .
                      I wouldn't be able to do that, lol

                      we did allow our first dog on our couch as she was kind of a surrogate child and she slept on floor in our bedroom

                      we have a different couch now but our current dog hasn't even tried to get on any furniture which I am glad
                      this dog is funny, we moved some furniture and she claimed a new corner
                      she loves corners and parks her butt against them

                      Comment


                        #12
                        My little one sleeps with me, not my big guy.

                        And that wouldn't change...she takes up very little room

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by amy40 View Post
                          some people in the adoption community have co-slept in order to bond
                          We adopted a 2-year-old who spoke not a word of English; his first night in the U.S., he slept on a bed we made up on the floor next to our bed, in a very small apartment. His second night, we were in our new home (we closed that day), a 5300 sq ft place in the country north of Dallas. Without thinking, we had him his own bedroom at the opposite end of the upstairs from our room. In a week or two, I awoke at about 1 a.m. to see this small scared boy standing beside my side of the bed. All I could think to do was lift him up, hug him, and place him between us, and watch him until he feel asleep.
                          He didn't come climb in our bed every night, but it was several times a week until he was at least 3 years old. Years later he told us how scared he was to walk from his bedroom to ours across the "bridge" above the greatroom; he said there were monsters there! It simply never had occurred to me at least, that he should have been sleeping maybe in the sitting room off the master, instead of across the house!
                          He'll be 21 in a couple weeks, but I can never forget the small scared boy who became the center of my world.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            **little teary-eyed**
                            That's amazing Texas.

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