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Is Childfree Right For Me? Discuss It Here

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  • Is Childfree Right For Me? Discuss It Here

    Are you conflicted with the decision of whether being childfree is right for you? Or, you already know deep inside but are struggling with guilt or pressure?

    This forum discussion and the women talking about this topic, are here to help you figure it all out and reconcile whatever decision is right for you.

    To help lay the foundation for this discussion, Dr. Christie Hartman (who sits on our medical review board) wrote an article about her choice to remain childfree, her decisions for doing so, along with ways you can weigh the pros and cons for yourself.

    You can read the entire article here:


    There’s probably nothing as stressful or that has as deep an impact as the “forever” choice of whether or not you want to have a baby.

    So, if you’ve ever questioned whether you should have children or not, are struggling with this dilemma right now, or maybe you’ve already decided that being childfree is the right decision for you, lend your voice to the discussion.
    "Be what you're looking for."

  • think as a woman, one can do everything but just not at the same time
    feel like I've had two lives as didn't become a parent right away
    so worked after college, volunteered, travelled, and had that "carefree" life with husband

    we did become parents after being married a while
    the parenting years are flying by and we can't believe how fast our child has grow
    our child has been a blessing


    • That’s awesome, Amy. It sounds like you found a way to have the best of both worlds!

      My parents had fertility issues and didn’t start their family until their mid-thirties. They always said they felt like they got to live their childfree lives for a long while and then were very excited for their next chapter. That next chapter just isn’t for everyone.
      "Be what you're looking for."


      • I will tell you, Ashlee T. that I would love to have children. But I have not met the right man yet. However, there is still time. I am 38 years old but am aware of the ticking clock. I'd really love two daughters. Although, of course, no one gets to choose. Still, I am hopeful of meeting a man I'm attracted to. I just have to continue to go out into the world and go for it.

        A close friend of mine has had her son two years ago. She is around the same age. I don't think she'll have more children, though: which is a long story.

        Kids are wonderful, and I know are hard work, but they are worth every moment. I definitely will carry on going out into the world to find that special man.


        • PandC, as women get older, their eggs become less viable and have more defects. Have you considered freezing some of your eggs in case it takes a few years to find a guy you like or if you decide to become a single parent.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


          • Popcorn&Candy - That's a great attitude to have. I have seen so many women who are on a quest to have children by a certain age and so many of them settle into a relationship that is less than stellar just so they can achieve that goal! I, too, have always had the viewpoint that if it happens in time, great....but if it doesn't, adoption or egg freezing as jns mentioned is an option!
            "Be what you're looking for."


            • This is such an important topic for women to open up about. I made the decision to be child-free. Being a mother is not something that I ever dreamed about or felt was the right path for me. Knowing that, I thought I could make the decision without guilt or shame, but that hasn't been the case. It's been an ongoing battle against self-doubt and wondering if everyone else is right that I'll "change my mind". Women need to be willing to discuss this and support one another.


              • KMR719 - Welcome to WHI! You are so right. Discussion's like these start with women, like yourself, who are brave enough to speak about their own experiences. So thank you for that!

                It sounds like your experience has been much like our writer, Christie's, in that you have just always had a feeling that having children wasn't right for you. Even with that deep knowing, I think it is still almost impossible to not have some times of self-doubt.

                While I have not personally decided to be childfree - I just haven't had children yet, I might...I might not... I can definitely relate to the feeling of, "what if I don't have kids and regret it when it's too late?" But, I always tell myself that so many children need homes and I would love to give a child in need a loving home. One thing I loved about Christie's article is that she points out that there are many ways to mother, aside from giving birth. And there is an important and much-needed place in this world for all of us.

                I also think that where you live plays a big factor in how acceptable the childfree choice is. Do you think your self-doubt has been spurred on mostly from your own internal dialogue, or from the even subtle pressures of others?

                Thank you for sharing with us!
                "Be what you're looking for."


                • I'm happy for you, amy40. It is wonderful you've done so much with your life. Children should always be a blessing, as yours is.


                  • Originally posted by Popcorn&Candy View Post
                    I'm happy for you, amy40. It is wonderful you've done so much with your life. Children should always be a blessing, as yours is.
                    thanks, Popcorn & Candy

                    didn't have time before but do want to address some of the points re article
                    - never grew up wanting to have kids as there were too many in my family, it was noisy, and chaotic
                    -husband and I worked, travelled, etc and never even discussed kids during first yrs of marriage
                    -when we did discuss was extremely ambivalent
                    -never really wanted to be pregnant and was relieved when trying and stick was negative
                    - also, thought this is a crazy world to bring a child into
                    -for those not wanting to impact environment, many children are already here and need homes
                    -it's a very short time that children need a lot of time as once they start school, they are away from home 7 hrs
                    -many moms as still able to work OR take time off and then return to their jobs/careers
                    -many woman might not want lots of kids but one child is perfect
                    -once we adopted our child never thought want to go back to childfree days
                    -have to admit that years of being a mom are better than years of being childless
                    -sure we could do anything we wanted, had loads of free time but raising our child has been the best part of our lives

                    -also, have realized am not that crazy about other people's kids but am so loving our child
                    -just another perspective for people considering whether or not to be a parent as I was NOT ever saying "can't wait to be a mom" growing up


                    • I do love kids. They can be hard to raise but must be worth every moment. And to see them grow into happy and healthy adults is the goal.

                      A brilliant thread!


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