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Please help me decide how to move away without guilt....

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  • Please help me decide how to move away without guilt....

    Can't seem to stay in one place very long, my husband and I love the adventure of moving to a new town. We've decided to finally settle in New England, we've lived there together (husband grew up there). The constant inner struggle is leaving FL where my whole family lives. My divorced 73 & 74 year old parents, Dad is fine and enjoying life, Mom not so much. My Son is 23 and lives with my Mom. I lived in FL most of my life, I was moved here at 16 from the San Francisco bay area. I have never liked Florida. It is too hot and humid for me to be comfortable here. I love cold weather and snow. I have asthma and for some reason, the humidity is far harder to breath in for me than the cold. I am hoping to achieve a peace so I can move to New England and not feel guilty about leaving my family behind. They all refuse to move, even though my Mom hates Florida just as much as I do. Please help!!!!

  • I'm curious why your 23 year old lives with your mom?

    I can understand your feelings of guilt for leaving. As your parents reach an age where they need more care, it will prove difficult to be far away. But perhaps she will change her mind and consider relocating?
    "Be what you're looking for."


    • My Son did not want to come with my husband and I when we moved out of state in 2014. He lived with a roommate until Dec. 2016, He couldn't stay where he was, roommates brother was dangerous and violent. My Mom asked him asked him to move in with her.

      My Son likes fishing in Florida waters, he enjoys the weather here and I doubt he will ever leave. It breaks my heart, I wish I could be happy here but I just can't be.


      • Well, I don't think you will ever get past the guilt. In one way or another, it will be there. I moved away from my family years ago, and as my parents have aged, the guilt, the what if's in my mind, have only worsened. My siblings are there for them in ways I simply can't be. And now I'm contemplating a move even further away. I'm still in the same state but, it is not easy to make it a days trip for visits. And if I move it would be another 3 hrs from there.

        I made choices based on what I thought was best for me. What I wanted. I've had to just live with the negative sides that come with it. I've missed holidays with family and missed many things that I should have been there for. It's a choice. Accepting all that is part of the choice we make.

        I think managing any regret or guilt is best done by staying focused on your goals and why you made the decision to live where you did.
        When my parents are gone, I think for me it will be worst, but I'm preparing for the flood of guilt from my own self, and likely from my siblings eventually. It's going to happen.

        So, maybe think if getting rid of guilt is a realistic thing for you. If it isn't, do your best to find what will ease it in your life, so it's not such a heavy weight to bear.


        • As it has been said: the guilt will always be there. Do you really want to live your life with regret because of guilt? As said on another thread, there is Facebook, Skype, the telephone, email, letters, postcards... Moving away doesn't mean cutting contact with anyone. You have to follow your heart: go where you want. If you're unhappy where you are, then bite the bullet. It'll be hard, but do you want to stay trapped? You will be happy once you move and your parents will realize this. They only want you to be happy, I am sure.


          • ugh!! I'm sad to think the guilt will always be there... We were away in MI, MA and CA for 2 years until coming back to FL for the past 8 months and everywhere else I lived I loved!!! The weather, the food, the adventure, I love taking photos and I took my camera everywhere. Back in FL there is nothing to photograph unless you are at the beach.
            I have to find a way to put myself first and that seems wrong. My husband is on a phone interview right now and can't wait to leave and I'm sitting here with a pit in my stomach.
            If someone begged me to stay it would be easy to decide. My Mom offered to help pay the movers. That only makes me feel worse!!!


            • Originally posted by KimH26 View Post
              not feel guilty about leaving my family behind. They all refuse to move, even though my Mom hates Florida just as much as I do.!!
              did you feel guilty the whole time while in MI, MA, and CA?
              will you be able to visit your mom for holidays or once in a while once you resettle?
              do you think your mom, once in her 80's, would reconsider and move to New England?


              • Originally posted by KimH26 View Post
                Back in FL there is nothing to photograph unless you are at the beach.
                I would think that there are plenty of things to photograph in FL. Alligators, snakes, birds, sunsets, weather, people, etc.
                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


                • wings and roots

                  if our child decides to move away (for any reason), will be happy for our child that we gave wings
                  and would hope we gave enough roots to visit us

                  would never want our child to feel any guilt for moving
                  and maybe that's why your mom offered to pay expenses (she doesn't want you to feel guilty, does she?)

                  you'd know by now if your mom is the guilt inducing type of mom
                  Last edited by amy40; 08-18-2017, 04:19 PM. Reason: typo


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