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Am I over analysing?

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  • Am I over analysing?

    Id love some opinions on a situation. I have a bad habbit of over thinking and misreading the situation.
    My boyfriend and I have only just had sex and he'd never said he loved me until after we had sex.
    My mind is being a little evil and saying he's only saying that because we have had sex.
    He's the first person I've had sex with and our first attempt was a failure due to me having so much pain that he chose to stop.

    I have never had a serious relationship even though I'm 32, so it's all new to me, very unnerving, and confusing.
    Am I just over thinking this?

  • You may be over thinking, but not necessarily.

    How long have you been together? How serious is the relationship?


    • We've only been together two months. To me I count it as serious since we are intimate now. And he has talked about us in a lot going term sense. He said to me when we first got together that he doesn't do flings.
      I'm a bit scared that I'm gonna screw things up with my over thinking.
      He knows I've never had a serious or intimate relationship but it's really playing on my mind.


      • The sex was probably something that allowed him to express what he already felt. With you opening up enough to have sex, he may have felt that he needed to reveal his feelings. Consider it an opportunity to explore your relationship further.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


        • Thanks I never thought of it that way.


          • It could be as jns said. Maybe he is trying to reassure you that he is committed. He may have sensed your fears or apprehension and wanted to comfort you. He could have been in the moment and overwhelmed by everything also. I think you should not necessarily view it as a negative thing at all. That was a vulnerable time for you, he seems to have recognized that, and responded.

            I would caution you also, tho, that just because sex has entered the picture doesn't mean you're "serious". Has there been a discussion of exclusivity and level of commitment? It seems like things are moving forward, but don't make assumptions. People say all sorts of things they don't mean, so just be very communicative about your wants and expectations. 2 months is a pretty short time, in terms of a relationship.

            I hate to sound negative, or encourage the negative ideas in your mind. Everything sounds great, just be careful as this is a new relationship. Enjoy it and have fun.


            • We both are monogamous we had a discussion about that and I know that his last two ex's cheated on him.

              I'm kind of scared to be honest coz I feel like I could be in love with him but everything in my head is holding me back.
              He's the first person I've had sex with too and since then I have to say I feel very insecure. I don't know why.


              • Well, it could be normal jitters, after a new experience. Or it could be your "gut" trying to tell you something. If I were you, I'd try to relax, and take things as they come. At this point, it doesn't seem that there are blazing red flags to be concerned with, so see what happens, and just have fun. Control the emotions and where they want to take you, but enjoy yourself.


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