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    Changing Partners

    That was an excellent Stephen Stills song.

    My g/f (She's really FWB, but that term implies negativity.) and I have an agreement: if we have sex with someone other than each other, we'd tell the other, and the benefits part of our relationship is over. For me, that would be giving up a tremendous known quantity. She is by a huge margin the best sex I've ever had. She's the most sexually experienced woman I've known. It would be a huge loss. However, I might be gaining more than I'd be giving up.

    I will abide by my end of the deal.

    I've been talking with a woman in my gym. This has been going on for a few months. We've met each other outside of the gym for coffee, and once for happy hour. We get along much better than I get along with my g/f. We have much more in common. She's asked me over for a homemade, healthy dinner...and wine. I excused by way out of it because I knew where it would lead. We're becoming friends. She confides in me, and I confide in her. She's good looking, and keeps herself in shape.

    Sex is a huge part of a relationship. I know what I now have. However, I'm willing to risk losing it for gym girl. Here's my conundrum: if I have sex with her and it's not good, I'll lose incredible sex. If I have sex with gym girl, and she doesn't like often sex, I'd have to live with it. But if I don't take a risk, I won't know what I might be missing.

    Gym girl is divorced. Inferring from our conversations, sex with her former husband wasn't an issue. While I've never asked her, I'm guessing that she's had a healthy sex life. But the past is no guarantee of future performance.

    My current g/f wants marriage. I won't marry her. Another angle is working on resolving our differences in effort to see if we can create a future for ourselves.

    As of now, I'm leaning toward changing partners.

    What do you think?

    #2
    BTW, one of the aspects of my current g/f that I most love is her incredible sexual experience. To this day, we'll talk very candidly about sex.

    Comment


      #3
      How did she like her Christmas gift?

      I think you should go for it. You can't give the first girl all she wants and you eventually have to part ways, so why not give this a try if you like girl 2.

      Even if she's not up to date on sex tricks, as you hope, you can always work together to satisfy both your needs. That's what a relationship should be able to do anyway.
      You made a statement quite some time ago about the desire for moving on. Here's an opportunity.

      I do think you're going to have to put your expectations in check tho.

      Sometimes it's good to get out of the box we are living in.

      Was the agreement made between you and girl1 that it was to be a permanent split? If things don't work out with girl2 you can always be tested and return to the sexual relationship, right? Provided she hasn't moved on too.

      Keep us posted on what you decide and how we can help.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
        What do you think?
        how long has gym girl been divorced? is she looking for a long term relationship and/or does she want to get married again?

        what is your goal? are you looking for another long term/non marriage relationship?

        Comment


          #5
          Hi amy,

          Gym girl separated about two years ago. Her divorced was final less than a year.

          After she separated, she went cougar for almost a year. She admitted that it was gratifying for a younger man to find her appealing. But she did say that it was mostly a physical relationship. My guess is she's in the midst of her sexual prime. She said he was her only sex partner other than her husband. I know nothing more of her sexual history. I never ask women of their sexual histories unless there's a red flag; e.g., an intravenous drug abuser ex-boyfriend. Many years ago, I've run in to one such woman. I wouldn't touch her, although she appeared healthy. I will listen if women initiate conversations about their sexual histories. My g/f used to talk about her very active college sex life. But she rarely does anymore.

          I have talked to my g/f. She wants to talk about our relationship before intimacy with gym girl. I owe her that. We'll talk tonight over dinner and wine. But there's a very good possibility that I'll be with gym girl on New Year's Eve.

          Comment


            #6
            I remember a thread about whether it was better to go to a gym to work out or have a work out at home. It seems that there is risk in working out at the gym.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


              #7
              Happy New Year, atskitty2,

              She enjoyed them. I got her two anal plugs: a small and a medium. She did tell me that she's not always in an anal sex mood. From what she's told me, massaging and caressing her butt with fingers can get her in the mood for anal sex. It's not something she wants every time she has sex. While she does enjoy it, she has told me that she did it mostly because a few former boyfriends, one in particular, wanted it. Her ex-husband, who was extremely sexually inexperienced, had anal sex with her only once. He was clueless about sex. She's a sexpert, which caused a major strain in their marriage. Had he been wise, he'd of asked her to teach him.

              It was very messy. I figured it would be, so I placed a towel under her butt. I used darn near an entire tube of silicon lubricant. Long story short, she had massive orgasms. On the upside, there was nothing unpleasant to clean up. Many years ago, when she told me of her anal sex experiences, she said that it was a definite no go if she thought remnants of her breakfast would be on a dude's package. And that is probably the primary reason that anal sex has never interested me.

              I'm pretty sure I'm going to date gym girl. I'll see what my g/f has to say tonight. What p i s s e s me off about her is her almost elitist attitude, that because she was born into privilege, she thinks she's of an elevated caste and is owed largess. I'm the total opposite. Believe me, we have gotten into heated discussions about the topic. But for that, I would consider marrying her. After all, she, by a huge margin, is the best sex I've ever had.

              There is a thought that I might want to get to really know gym girl before intimacy. What women say they are isn't always who they are.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by jns View Post
                I remember a thread about whether it was better to go to a gym to work out or have a work out at home. It seems that there is risk in working out at the gym.
                You're always good for a laugh. Thanks, and I hope you have the happiest of New Years.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
                  But for that, I would consider marrying her.
                  waverider, can't figure you out

                  you've said you'd never marry again with living in CA and then you make that statement?!
                  what did she say tonight? are you two breaking up?



                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by jns View Post
                    I remember a thread about whether it was better to go to a gym to work out or have a work out at home. It seems that there is risk in working out at the gym.
                    yeah, that's pretty funny

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by amy40 View Post

                      waverider, can't figure you out

                      you've said you'd never marry again with living in CA and then you make that statement?!
                      what did she say tonight? are you two breaking up?


                      There are risks, but a guy will sometimes follow his heart and ignore the risks.
                      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                      ...
                      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
                        I'm pretty sure I'm going to date gym girl. I'll see what my g/f has to say tonight. What p i s s e s me off about her is her almost elitist attitude, that because she was born into privilege, she thinks she's of an elevated caste and is owed largess. I'm the total opposite. Believe me, we have gotten into heated discussions about the topic. But for that, I would consider marrying her. After all, she, by a huge margin, is the best sex I've ever had.
                        This goes to show that great sex isn't enough when there is a personality clash, even though there is compatibility on most issues.
                        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                        ...
                        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by amy40 View Post

                          waverider, can't figure you out

                          you've said you'd never marry again with living in CA and then you make that statement?!
                          what did she say tonight? are you two breaking up?


                          You're not alone. I can't figure myself out.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Nothing resolved last night. My g/f does not like USC, so she didn't watch the Trojans get worked. There were too many people around for quiet conversation. By the end of the night, everyone was tired, so we all went to our homes.

                            I thought it ironic that an elitist didn't like USC.

                            An interesting observation: women will always comment on men talking sex. Just about every time my g/f and my friend's g/f get together, they'll almost always talk about sex. From what I was able to catch, both love to give oral sex, but neither wants to do it for a long time. The sooner a guys gets off, the happier they are.

                            I'll see gym girl at the gym today at 10:00 am.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Nothing was resolved last night. My g/f does not like USC, so she didn't watch the Trojans get worked. There were too many people around for quiet conversation. By the end of the night, everyone was tired, so we all went to our homes.

                              I thought it ironic that an elitist didn't like USC.

                              An interesting observation: women will always comment on men talking sex. Just about every time my g/f and my friend's g/f get together, they'll almost always talk about sex. From what I was able to catch, both love to give oral sex, but neither wants to do it for a long time. The sooner a guys gets off, the happier they are.

                              I'll see gym girl at the gym today at 10:00 am.

                              Comment

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