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Changing Partners

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  • #61
    Well, you're on an adventure huh, WR?

    I recently told one of the men I'm talking to that I'd rather just be friends. I enjoy his company and he seems like a good person, there's just no attraction there for me. The physical is just not there.

    He said he understands, then asked if we could cuddle occasionally. I asked if he meant fwb, and he said no. I told him that cuddling isn't something I typically do with "friends". He continued to make a case, and I just had to tell him that is complicated and not within my personal preference to behave that way...out of bounds for me. He continues contact and I interact minimally.
    I have male friends that I don't cuddle or snuggle and I don't care to change that.

    Friendship is hard too!

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    • #62
      Well, you're on an adventure huh, WR?

      I recently told one of the men I'm talking to that I'd rather just be friends. I enjoy his company and he seems like a good person, there's just no attraction there for me. The physical is just not there.

      He said he understands, then asked if we could cuddle occasionally. I asked if he meant fwb, and he said no. I told him that cuddling isn't something I typically do with "friends". He continued to make a case, and I just had to tell him that is complicated and not within my personal preference to behave that way...out of bounds for me. He continues contact and I interact minimally.
      I have male friends that I don't cuddle or snuggle and I don't care to change that.

      Friendship is hard too!

      Comment


      • #63
        You're obviously attracted to the gym woman much more than your current partner. I think you'd be wise to change partners. Don't worry too much about the sex part: gym woman will be very happy with you - and happy to sleep with you - I am sure. You've got to follow your heart, as corny as that sounds. I wouldn't stay in a relationship because of the sex: I would go with someone I had an emotional attachment with. Not a physical attraction alone. Go with the love: not the action in the bedsheets.

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        • #64
          Hi Popcorn&Candy,

          I've agreed with everything you've written, except I ain't in love with gym girl. I'm not sure how I feel about her. She has a very good body. A couple weeks ago, she made sure that I saw a lot of it through Spandex.

          Sex alone will never sustain a relationship. Sex will get a man. Sex alone will never keep a man.

          I have remained true to my commitment of seeing no one until I have it figured out.

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          • #65
            My g/f is depressed, which I had not intended. I don't want her to be depressed. She thinks I'm seeing another woman. I've assured her that I merely need alone time to think. I'm not sure what she believes.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
              My g/f is depressed, which I had not intended.
              how do you know?
              have you seen her or just talked/texted

              Comment


              • #67
                You're not responsible for her depression or her feelings, or what she believes, as long as you're being honest. I'm sure you realise that, but just to remind you.

                If you decide to leave her behind, she's going to feel even lower, most likely. Don't be too influenced by her mood. You ultimately have to do what's best for yourself.

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
                  My g/f is depressed, which I had not intended. I don't want her to be depressed. She thinks I'm seeing another woman. I've assured her that I merely need alone time to think. I'm not sure what she believes.
                  Sex causes a release of chemical in the body. The depression is probably caused partially by her not getting those chemicals and having withdrawal symptoms.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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                  • #69
                    Originally posted by amy40 View Post
                    how do you know?
                    have you seen her or just talked/texted
                    Telephonic conversation.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by jns View Post

                      Sex causes a release of chemical in the body. The depression is probably caused partially by her not getting those chemicals and having withdrawal symptoms.
                      You're probably right. When she's in a bad mood, a porn star sex session changes her personality from hostile to very sweet.

                      I have thought that her youthful promiscuity was probably prompted by her desire for the euphoric sensation she gets from sex. She told me, many times, that she thinks she's addicted to sex. I also think that her ego was boosted by watching dudes' reactions to her naked body. She has told me more than once that she learned as a teenager of the power her naked body has over dudes. She told me that one of her college boyfriends would almost cum as soon as she got naked.

                      But I haven't seen her closing in on a month.

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                      • #71
                        Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
                        My current g/f wants marriage. I won't marry her. Another angle is working on resolving our differences in effort to see if we can create a future for ourselves.
                        What do you think?
                        she wants to get married....you don't
                        you want her personality to change.....it won't

                        what I have learned is:
                        you can't change other people, only yourself and your own reactions
                        no one is perfect.....no one
                        everyone has their quirks, one decides if they will see the good and ignore or laugh about the not so good
                        everyone is about as happy as they make up their minds to be
                        we can work on being the best versions of ourselves and accept other people for who they are
                        ​​​​when we let go of our own expectations of others, we see them in a new light
                        we can always improve.....ourselves






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                        • #72
                          I second amy40's post.

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                          • #73
                            Hi amy40,

                            I'm under no delusion that I can change anyone.

                            I'm not looking for perfection. If it does exist, it would be an opinion. I'm looking for mutual compatibility.

                            I'm not sure how you define "quirks". The are many personality abnormalities that I will not accept. To do so could required compromising ethics and morality.

                            I have to accept no one. I can choose to accept people who possess personality traits that I admire. As an aside, those who are quick to tell others that they have to accept people who hold beliefs that are offensive (Antifa, kneeling NFL players, etc.) are most vociferous in their irrational hatred of President Trump.

                            I do agree that unhappy people are usually that way because of their poor life choices. I know miserable-in-marriage people who won't divorce. They'd rather be married and miserable than endeavor to improve their ives.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
                              I'm not sure how you define "quirks".
                              passing through the channels one day, saw someone being interviewed, don't even know who they were but he said he has his quirks, his wife has her quirks but they're together to the end ,just thought that was sweet

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
                                The difference between my g/f and me is I've earned every last nickel I have. No one has given me a thing. I've had to work my way though college. .
                                money seems to be why you don't want to marry the women you've spent 11 yrs ,even though that what she wants
                                but it does seem you both might be dependent on each other (and not just sex)
                                it's like you can't be with her but can't be without her and she probably feels the same way about you

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