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Will he he forgive me for my misstep?

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  • #31
    I still haven't confessed to him that I'm not pregnant. I feel he would find it unforgiveable if I didn't bless him with a child, especially after how supportive he has been about it.

    I really feel that there is no other way to fulfill my promise to him.. I do not want to lose him. Maybe this is the path God chose for me, that God wants me to be a mother.



    Texasred - I hear you about the 7th. I wish the man I was meant to be with was available. Life is full of challenges, but God understands. Jesus died for our sins. If it is God's intention that we are together, I don't see how it can be a sin.

    Carlana - Thank you for your wisdom and support. A man has to be able to provide for his wife and children. He has a job, but his wife earns more than him, which is really upsetting to him. She needs to be more respectful and focus on her duties as a houswife.

    Amy - Thank you, but he can never learn the truth.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Rebecca_93 View Post
      I do not want to lose him. Maybe this is the path God chose for me, that God wants me to be a mother.
      he can never learn the truth.
      so you are going to hope you get pregnant in the next few days?
      what happens if you don't become pregnant? he'll know soon enough when you don't start showing

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      • #33
        Rebecca, I don't think you came here for advice. You've disregarded every piece of advice and insight we've given. I think it's very clear that you believe you've got it all figured out and know exactly what you need to do. Maybe you just came here to vent? I believe, with absolute confidence that you are wrong and that this is going to wind up as nothing but pure gut wrenching heartache for you down the road. However, this life we have is a journey and we all must walk it, choosing our own steps. We will be here to listen and do our best to give you supportive advice either way.
        "Be what you're looking for."

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        • #34
          amy40 The traditional family structure has not changed as much as society leads us to believe. The man's role is still more disciplinary whereas the woman's role is more nurturing. There are plenty of children being raised by single mothers. I chose a different path for my child, mainly because I felt financially there would be many more opportunities in life available for my child in doing so. Whether my son's real father is around or not would not make much difference I feel. Studies have shown that men do not contribute as much to the development of a child until much later in their lives. But for the most part I agree with you that it is important for a child to have both parents around at some point, even if it is just to re-enforce gender roles

          ​​​​​

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          • #35
            Rebecca_93 I agree with the earlier post in that you have a journey ahead of you. Life is a blessing, as are those that share it with you. If you feel you are at a point in your life where you are ready for the responsibilty of parenthood, then we support you.

            If you feel that time is against you, as was mentioned by another poster, then perhaps you need a better strategy than simply praying.

            If your goal at the end of the day is motherhood, then maybe consider finding someone else to be a "sperm donor". If you do not intend for the birth father to be in its life, then I would recommend not teling your fiancee and let him enjoy your little miracle together

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            • #36
              Rebecca_93 Additionally, if time is really against you, maybe consider multiple donors. You really do only have a small window of mother nature to work with.

              I feel for your position and my prayers are with you. Best of luck with whatever you choose :-)

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              • #37
                With my previous post, I just emphasize that time is against you, so you need to do whatever you can to assure family life won't be more than a dream to you

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Carlana_Flower View Post
                  amy40 The traditional family structure has not changed as much as society leads us to believe. The man's role is still more disciplinary whereas the woman's role is more nurturing. There are plenty of children being raised by single mothers. I chose a different path for my child, mainly because I felt financially there would be many more opportunities in life available for my child in doing so. Whether my son's real father is around or not would not make much difference I feel. Studies have shown that men do not contribute as much to the development of a child until much later in their lives. But for the most part I agree with you that it is important for a child to have both parents around at some point, even if it is just to re-enforce gender roles

                  ​​​​​
                  I disagree with much of this. There are plenty of families where the main disciplinarian is the mother, not the father.

                  A father's love helps create a well balanced child.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by jns View Post
                    A father's love helps create a well balanced child.
                    agree jns

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                    • #40
                      I agree with Beautiful Disaster: I think you have already decided what to do, but we are still here to listen and offer support. You have a lot of hard decisions to make. I hope you make the right ones and it all works out.

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                      • #41
                        Since reconnecting with him last week at church, I am happy to say that things are going really well. We are overcoming our obstacles and have been communicating much better. I still feel that I cannot disappoint him when he is so excited about becoming a parent with me, especially after the struggles of the past few weeks. I learned from his love and support he will be the greatest husband and father in the world.

                        I just wanted to say I feel without your help and support in this forum that I would have felt so alone and hopeless in my darkest moments.



                        Carlana - Thank you for your kind and supportive words. After a few days of thinking, I came to the conclusion that your recommended path towards securing motherhood by increasing my chances is in conflict with my moral code and my promises to God. I would not be the virtuous woman that he fell in love with. I do agree however with much of the other things you said in your post, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

                        It was slightly upsetting for me to think that my Christian morals and values might be inhibiting my journey to motherhood. I hope that this is only a temporary weakness of mine. I just have to remind myself to follow God's path for me.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Rebecca_93 View Post
                          I just wanted to say I feel without your help and support in this forum that I would have felt so alone and hopeless
                          I did sense that you needed support after what I thought was him walking away when u hadn't heard from him
                          which is why was hoping you'd reach out to your parents

                          stick around Rebecca and let us know how you're doing

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                          • #43
                            I agree with amy40: do stay around and let us know how you're doing. You obviously love the man, so just be true to yourself.

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                            • #44
                              Lately it has been going really well between the two of us. We have had many romantic moments and he has been very attentive and affectionate

                              As it is Valentines day I cooked for him today. I made a big effort and literally spent all day preparing. I even decorated my apartment for our romantic evening together. However, he never showed up. I texted him, but I got no response at all. He didn't pick up the phone either. I put so much effort into today to show him I am proper housewife material, but I ended up crying and eating dinner alone.

                              I don't understand why he didn't show. I mean, he always tells me I am the love of his life. So why doesn't he want to spend Valentines with me?? Why would he spend it with his family he is going to leave anyway? It makes me wonder does he really love me or is he playing games?

                              It's upsetting. I have spent the whole day preparing for this evening, and he doesn't even have the decency to let me know he can't make it.

                              Maybe tomorrow I will see things differently, but right now I feel really sad and alone.

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Rebecca_93 View Post
                                Maybe tomorrow I will see things differently, but right now I feel really sad and alone.
                                Valentine's Day is often a difficult day to spend alone
                                hopefully, you will feel better and ask for an explanation since he didn't let u know he wasn't coming over

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