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Will he he forgive me for my misstep?

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  • Rebecca, this whole thing is so star-crossed it's hard to give much advice. There appears to be a fair measure of dissembling on both sides.

    You say your lover's wife has cheated on him and is pregnant by some other man. How do you know that for sure? I'd await the DNA results, if I were you. If I had to guess, I would say she is pregnant by her husband.

    As for what to do about your lack of pregnancy, despite telling your lover otherwise, I really like Carlana's reply about "multiple donors", presumably in an effort to make pregnancy a reality, and darn quick. Perhaps your church will offer up a bevy of volunteers. Whether you go the turkey baster route or use the more direct approach, well....

    Frankly, since your relationship is borne of a web of lies and deceptions, perhaps one more won't much matter. In for a penny, in for a pound. So just tell him that you were so overwrought by being jilted on Valentine's Day that you had a spontaneous miscarriage. One problem solved.
    I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.


    • Originally posted by Carlana_Flower View Post
      I was in a similar position myself. I fell in love with a married man. I knew that he was married when the affair began, but that didnt stop us. We went on to have a beautiful child together. After I got pregnant he left his wife and two children. He was similar to your fiancee, in that he was sick of the wife not simply doing her duties and focussing too much on the children. We had our own challenges in the process but we made it work

      What he doesnt know however is that it is very very probably not his child. But what he doesnt know cant hurt him
      One of the more depressing posts I have ever encountered.

      The guy dumped his wife and his 2 biological (most likely) children, to be with a woman who was carrying on an affair with him and involved with at least one other guy at the same time. A woman who has deceived him in a very fundamental way, leaving him to raise a child that is not his, but he has been duped into believing otherwise. Sad is an adjective wholly inadequate to describe that lamentable situation.

      "What he doesn't know can't hurt him." Let's hope that there does not come a day when the kid needs a blood transfusion, or organ or tissue donation or some such, where the doctors will look to "dad", only to discover that he's not the natural father. That will be a day to remember.
      I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.


      • The last days have been really hard for me.

        After Valentines day he kept on ignoring me. At first I was mad, but then I wondered if I had done something to upset him.

        This Sunday he was in church. He ignored me and flirted with the other girls. My friend also noticed and she asked if I was ok with that. I literally felt the world collapsing on me.

        After church I just wanted to go home and walked straight to my car and drove home. When I got home I saw that he had texted me asking why I didn't wait for him after church. At least we are communicating again, but he texted me he wanted to have a serious talk with me in person.

        I don't know what it is he wants to talk about?? Could it be that he knows I am not pregnant?


        • If he were a good Christan with a good heart, he would have never let this happen or continue.

          God did not allow you two to be together. You both chose to be together. God doesn't stop us from making choices, good or bad. We make the choices.

          He has lied to you, his wife, his child and to himself. You have lied to yourself, your parents, your friends and to him. He has you right where he eants you, accepting any little crumb he drops.

          You are a fool to stay with him, dump him now.
          You are worthy!


          • It is my understanding, in Christianity, lies are the work of the Devil, not God. It would be impossible to have a Godly relationship built on so many lies.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


            • You are worthy.
              I'm not sure I'd go that far...
              I might say: "You two deserve each other."

              I've got an idea: why don't you go have a talk with your minister, tell him the whole sordid tale you've told us, see what he says? And please come back here and tell us... pardon me while I go make some popcorn.


              • Things have gotten better between the two of us since my last post. But it hasn't been a good week for me..

                He visited me on his way back to work a couple of times. I asked him what was so important he wanted to talk with me in person about. But he said there was nothing and that I should stop asking questions.
                So our relationship is good again I guess, although I keep wondering what it is he wanted to talk about. Also I still don't know what it was he was so upset about causing him to ignore me.

                When we are together we forget the world around us. It's just the two of us. It's clear our souls belong together, as God intended. It is hard for us that he can only stay for an hour after work. But soon, when he has sorted things out, we can marry and can really be together.

                I'm still not pregnant. Or at least, not that I know of. I really start to worry about it now. What Baboy wrote about pretending to have had a miscarriage is pretty much the last thing I would want to do, but I start to feel there is no other way out. He is so excited to have a child with me, if I would say that to him he will mourn his unborn child. I can't do that to him, right?? I feel my situation keeps getting worse.

                After the service today, the minister approached me for a private chat. He informed me that there have been "complaints" from other girls at church about inappropriate behavior coming from him. I think these girls are just desperately jealous and spreading lies. I understand that the minister probably has to believe them, which explains why he told me I shouldn't be with him. But then the minister also said he has had his doubts about him being a Godly person. Well he is!!


                • Originally posted by Rebecca_93 View Post
                  But soon, when he has sorted things out, we can marry and can really be together.
                  Hi Rebecca

                  how many more years for him to sort things out?

                  did you tell the minister when he spoke to u that you two are getting married?


                  • Originally posted by amy40 View Post

                    Hi Rebecca

                    how many more years for him to sort things out?

                    did you tell the minister when he spoke to u that you two are getting married?
                    I wouldn't waste any time chatting with this person. She is clearly from some other reality, and only visits here occasionally. Her minister was trying to help her out, but there;s only so much one can do.


                    • Our relationship was going so well recently, but it all came crashing down last night.

                      He visited me and said I had to get an abortion. I couldn't believe my ears and felt my heart fall out of my stomach. I thought he was really happy that we were becoming parents together?! At least, that was what he kept telling me for all the time.. And I never ever would have expected him to demand the big A. I thought our values and devotion to God was what was holding us together, but then for him to suggest something so ungodly gave me such a shock.

                      He said he would pay for it if needed, that I didn't need to worry about that?? I felt deceived on so many levels. So we got into a BIG argument!!

                      I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore so the engagement is off.

                      Now he keeps sending me text messages. He wants to talk it over. I don't know what's left to talk about?? He can keep that ungodly wife of his! They are a perfect match!!

                      He still doesn't know I'm not pregnant though. I feel I should tell him that in person, but on the other hand I don't want to meet him face to face with at the moment. I don't think I could handle that.
                      Last edited by Rebecca_93; 03-05-2018, 01:58 PM.


                      • In a way it is good that you're not pregnant: BUT even if you were, it would be bad for him to force you into an abortion. He has shown his true colours. You're better off rid. I am sad for you, but at least now you know the real him. He doesn't deserve you or your love.


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