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Could you help me understand?

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  • Originally posted by Ko0519 View Post
    Does he just not give a ******** about me at all or miss me?
    You just torture yourself with such questions that will never have a truthful answer. The pain from the breakup will continue for a while, maybe quite a while. Somewhere in the future you will have the perspective to realize that this relationship wasn't meant to be. I know, that is what has happened to me. Best wishes on moving forward.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • Genuine love and appreciation, respect and a solid relationship takes time to build. More than a few weeks or months, like this.
      My bet is that no, he never genuinely loved you. Just based on what love is and how it's formed.

      It's infatuation, limerance, something else. He's filling his emotional void, at the expense of others.

      I also bet that you are a sweet, caring woman that put her whole heart into this commitment, not knowing he was too emotionally disconnected to himself to know what he's doing and what he wants.

      You really are just torturing yourself. I did the same thing in my twenties...you'll get to know yourself better, understand relationships and know how to move forward when you've healed and had a chance to reflect on this. The important thing is to learn from it.


      • You’re probably right atskitty2! As sad as that is to hear. It sucks that someone would do all that he did to fill an emotional void. Actually it’s cruel because I mean what else am I supposed to think when he’s telling me those things, hanging up pictures of us, buying me a nightstand, meeting my family consistently, etc over the course of the relationship!? I did go into this whole heartedly unfortunately and came out with some hard lessons learned. I’m very cautious now of getting swept up with infatuation and allowing myself to take these gestures without a grain of salt. It does make me upset that someone was able to just walk out of my life like that after everything if that makes sense. That part hurts a lot how you just probably won’t ever talk to them again and they are okay with that like they don’t even care. I really appreciate your responses and thank you for listening to my naive self lol


        • Let it wisen you up, not harden you up lol

          It sucks, it hurts, but you will learn that your feelings are up to you to control. If someone jumps headlong into a serious relationship again, you'll know to keep your emotions in check, not going head first into the deep end until time has shown their nature and they've stood the test of time.
          Time will tell and there's no substitute for it.

          Learn what you can, become better and wiser and understand yourself and people a little better than before. Don't let this experience close you up or cause you to lose trust in people either. Just be more cautious. Guard your heart and use your head.
          You'll be ok. You'll be better on the other side of this.

          Btw. I'd probably block him from everything. He is probably watching you to see evidence of your hurt...rid yourself of all traces of him.
          People like that seem to enjoy seeing their handiwork on display.

          Hugs. You'll feel better soon.


          • He probably does get enjoyment out of this. Like having that dinner with me a week later to tell me the same lies. It’s very hurtful he couldn’t even give me an ounce of truth but could sit there and pretend like he loved and cared about me which makes me feel worse to receive that fake sympathy if you will. I feel embarrassed and weak that I was open and honest with him. I feel like I look pathetic and then I get responses from him after I told him I’ll have my guard up now like, “good, you should.” He went from telling me I made him happy and was the second person he’s ever loved then said that. What kind of jerk insists on having dinner a week later and told me not to take my stuff from his place til then?? Urgh sometimes I get so angry. I’m definitely more cautious but I need to find that balance instead of just not trusting anyone if that makes sense.


            • Sorry today has been a rough day


              • Originally posted by Ko0519 View Post
                then I get responses from him after I told him I’ll have my guard up now like, “good, you should.”
                sorry you are having a rough day!

                when he said "good, you should" have your guard up.....in a way, he was saying it to himself
                he married a woman who cheated on him, and they didn't stay together but divorced
                so now every woman he meets, no matter how perfect, he will wonder if they will also cheat, if they will also let him down

                so now it's easier for him to break up with anyone FIRST before they HURT him


                • Let yourself feel all the feels...you gotta go through it to get through it. Ya know? Give yourself some time to grieve, then get yourself together, very consciously decide that the time for this is done...a few months or whenever you decide you've had enough. Otherwise you'll stay stuck too long.

                  Really, you'll never fully understand. He had reasons, and they're all wrong. All of them. He's a hurting, confused, possibly narcissistic personality. He hurt you, maybe because he couldn't hurt the one that hurt him.
                  That saying, "hurt people, hurt people". It's true.
                  Sometimes just messed up ppl hurt ppl.

                  But stop analyzing. Wondering why he did this. Learn what you can do different. You had pure intentions. At worst you were naive and trusting, you didn't do anything else wrong.

                  I feel for you...hope I don't sound unsympathetic. This will pass.


                  • I agree with atskitty2: let this experience wisen you up: not harden you and make you bitter.


                    • Woke up to a screenshotted text from a friend that he is on a dating app. He is back at it again so shortly after that last relationship. It’s just really sad someone could have you believe they love you and want a future then do all of this. It’s like he’s become a serial dater and definitely narcissistic or at least has strong tendencies. It’s just straight up cruel and like you said no matter his reasons they are all wrong.


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