• If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Girlfriend’s not too sure about our relationship. Should I leave?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Girlfriend’s not too sure about our relationship. Should I leave?


    I’m really frustrated with how things are between me and my girlfriend right now. We met through a social dating tour about 4 years ago and everything’s been magical. The first two years were great and all. I got to fly back and forth to visit her often, I met her family and friends. Things were going so good until last year.


    The whole year last year, I wasn’t able to come see her since I had a lot of unexpected financial problems which hindered me from booking a ticket. So, for the entire year, we couldn’t see each other. She offered to come over here to see me but I always insisted that I would book a ticket soon since I know she also needs the money. During the last few months until now, she’s starting to doubt our relationship -and me. She insists that I keep promising her I would come over but I always end up giving reasons instead. She feels as though I might be cheating on her or if I don’t want to put as much effort in the relationship as I normally do. It’s been really stressful lately and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve got tons of problems here at home, work and my relationship. What should I do? Leave? Fight?

  • #2
    So is your relationship long distance permanently? Is that the arrangement?
    Or is this temporary while one is in college or such situation?
    In other words, are you both adults with your lives established in your community, with no intention of relocating to be with the other?

    And what parts of the world are you in?

    Comment


    • #3
      Is the relationship worth fighting for? I would say fight with everything you got. In a LDR you have to plan things so you see each other at least once in a while. If she is still willing, have her come to you. Help out with the ticket so she isn't out everything and pay her back the rest as soon as your finances can find the money, even sending partial payments.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

      Comment


      • #4
        How far apart are you? Hundreds of miles? Thousands? If this relationship is so good, why would you - or she - not relocate so you could be together? Four years is a long time to just see each other occasionally.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
          So is your relationship long distance permanently? Is that the arrangement?
          Or is this temporary while one is in college or such situation?
          In other words, are you both adults with your lives established in your community, with no intention of relocating to be with the other?

          And what parts of the world are you in?
          We're both adults. If we would end up in marriage, I am planning to get her to move in with me to start a life here. We're about 5,000 or 6,000 miles apart so I know this LDR thing cannot last forever. There's just too much distance between us.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by jns View Post
            Is the relationship worth fighting for? I would say fight with everything you got. In a LDR you have to plan things so you see each other at least once in a while. If she is still willing, have her come to you. Help out with the ticket so she isn't out everything and pay her back the rest as soon as your finances can find the money, even sending partial payments.
            Thank you for the encouraging words. Never really thought of it that way.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Texasred View Post
              How far apart are you? Hundreds of miles? Thousands? If this relationship is so good, why would you - or she - not relocate so you could be together? Four years is a long time to just see each other occasionally.
              We both had things going on in our lives (we still do) but I won't get into those personal issues. In other words, moving in together was not something we could do easily. We're thousands of miles apart.

              Comment


              • #8
                Moving in together is never easy, whether the distance is measured in thousands of miles or a mere handful.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I can't say what you should do, but I agree about having her visit you: at least once.

                  On the other hand: you're obviously both adults, but it does seem your girlfriend is growing distant. Unless you could relocate near her, I think she will continue to have doubts about your relationship. I've maintained long distance friendships [OK, so not relationships] but I do understand the complexity of staying close long distance. I fear your girlfriend will end things: but maybe you'll meet someone else who is special in a different way. I don't mean to sound patronizing, but this may be a chance to meet someone new and let your girlfriend find she can be happy without you: as devastating as a breakup is for anyone. Still, being rejected IS painful, but I fear it could happen.

                  I'd let her make up her mind and go from there. I am sure if she's ends things, you'll grow stronger and WILL survive; as little comfort as that is.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm all for jns' battle cry, but I am rather skeptical of the long distance relationship concept that is so popular these days.

                    How much time have you two really spent together in total over 4 yrs? There's so much we never learn about a person until we have spent a lot of time doing things together.

                    When you are constantly apart, you simply never move through the typical stages of relationship building. In my opinion, people get stuck in a honeymoon phase. Then when they're finally in a situation that allows a lot of time together, things fall apart, because those stages of growth had been skipped. The "getting to know you" year or so, when so many things are revealed, never actually was experienced.
                    Then, we do change a lot even tho it may not seem like it. Our habits often change and preference, etc

                    I'm in a situation that concerns me as well, regarding those early stages of getting acquainted. It's the foundation, and you've built 4 yrs together, not really knowing each other deeply, on a personal level.

                    The other side, however is that you both HAVE invested 4 yrs. So there must be a strong connection to maintain the relationship this long. It may be time to take the big step, and begin discussion of relocating soon. I'd do a trial.
                    I'm assuming she's in Europe and you're in the US? So I think there's a 6 months span for visiting. Get the plan in place and take the steps to get her here, to see if this is going to last.

                    ETA: I was falling asleep as I wrote the above. What I wanted to add is that, I think the fact that you're entertaining the idea of calling it quits is an indicator of where your heart is. Maybe she is thinking that too, and neither of you want to say it. Could that be so?
                    I don't know, but just a thought. From your tone,I really don't appreciate that you're as dedicated as you once were.
                    Last edited by atskitty2; 05-13-2018, 05:47 AM.

                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X