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When Someone is Mad at You..........

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  • When Someone is Mad at You..........

    Have you ever experienced a friend who is clearly upset with you over something, but you have NO idea what? Did you rack your brain trying to come up with whatever it could have been that you did wrong? How did you handle it?

    I am experiencing this now with a friend who is also an employee. I have asked her twice "Is something wrong?" "Are you sure you're okay because you really seem like something is bothering you?" She says nothing is wrong, but then her actions reflect the opposite. Normally, she is in my office multiple times a day asking questions, talking, venting, etc. This week she has not been in my office even once. She's exhibiting a cold demeanor. In the past, if I had asked her if something was wrong (especially more than once), she would have eventually told me what was going on (even if it was something in her personal life). Now.....nothing.

    I experienced this with my former boyfriend's mother. I even posted about it. Eventually, I just stopped trying.

    I don't operate that way. If I care about you and I value our friendship and you have upset me in some way, or I can see that my actions are causing you concern I will just address the issue. Or say "I'm going through something. Not related to you in anyway. I'll get through it just give me a bit." But, I'd address it in SOME way because I care about you and value the friendship. I don't have a ton of tolerance for friends who do not value me in at least a comparable way that I value them.



    "Be what you're looking for."


  • #2
    Similar to the other post...

    It depends I think. And being a work/friend relationship that complicates things.

    I had a very close friend that eventually became my boss many years ago. That ended our friendship. I generally stay away from friendship forming at work, especially now that I am in a more professional career and I've been a manager, I just don't want the hassle or potential drama.

    She may feel uncomfortable approaching for fear of consequences. Maybe she wants to keep it cordial and set boundaries, now.
    Do you socialize outside work?

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    • #3
      BD, maybe it is something that she doesn't want to talk about due to embarrassment or keeping a secret due to another loyalty. It could also be something extremely private. Does her actions cause problems with her job performance?
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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      • #4
        Were you friends prior to working together?

        I ran out of time earlier. I guess I'm wondering more about the depth of the friendship since it's work. I'll wait to hear your response to comment further.

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        • #5
          Thanks guys. She has always worked "for" me, for 9 years. We have always had a great relationship and have socialized outside of work many times.

          Not 10 minutes after most post yesterday she came in my office to ask a question. I took the opportunity after answering her question to bring up other things like our dogs, some home improvements I'd been doing, etc. 5 minutes later then she came back with something else and was friendlier. She has had a lot of depression/anxiety issues over the years. But she knows I'm aware of them and typically she just tells me when something major is going on with her. This one has been very unusual. I will likely never know if she was truly upset at me or if it was something else. She "called in" sick today and is scheduled to be off on vacation tomorrow.

          I know that its hard for me to relate. No matter what goes on in my life, I take great pride in not letting that affect the way I do my job or the way I treat others at work. If I'm going through something, my coworkers and employees should not have to pay the price for it. I will never understand those who come to work in full on MOPE mode, isolate themselves from others, make it OBVIOUS that something is wrong but refuse to tell anyone what.
          "Be what you're looking for."

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          • #6
            I see exactly what you're saying, Beautiful Disaster. You've got a sense of morality: whereas your friend is going in a different direction. I am not saying she's immoral [and I am not a priest!] but, to be serious, you deserve an explanation. Her behaviour is rude and slightly obnoxious. If something is bothering her, she needs to tell you: not play mind games. I think, when she returns, you need to tell her that. Don't play guessing games with her. Certainly don't be rude, but do talk to her.

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            • #7
              That's exactly me mentality on it Popcorn. With her, I'm a bit more lenient to it because I KNOW she suffers from depression and anxiety issues. She went off her meds a few years ago (with my help) and has been SO much better since (ironically, right???) but has a bout of it pop up now and then. She usually just tells me that though. I'm guessing that she's upset about something work-related (probably a decision I made or something) and just doesn't want to tell me. And I am also guessing that's why she has given herself a 5 day weekend. Lol
              "Be what you're looking for."

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
                And I am also guessing that's why she has given herself a 5 day weekend. Lol
                Sometimes when you are angry with someone you like, it is better to get away from the situation so you don't do permanent damage to the relationship.
                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                ...
                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                Comment


                • #9
                  That's why it's so difficult to carry on a quality friendship in the workplace.
                  In my case, it ultimately ended the friendship. Decisions are made, ppl can't always separate the professional from personal.

                  I agree with jns. If she knew it was something she'd just get over, better she kept it to herself and let her own emotions quell. I'd have done the same. If it were something permanent or smth that I couldn't get past, then it would involve a discussion or other response.

                  Seems she's getting past it tho.

                  Depression and anxiety are tough. She may not always recognize when she's having a hard time, during the struggle. It may be days or weeks before she realizes the frame of mind she's in.

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                  • #10
                    I noticed today that someone I used to be very close to has unfriended me on FB. I was in her wedding, and we were close for many years. No idea why she'd remove me, but she did.

                    We don't talk often any more, but it definitely made me say hhmmm. Doesn't bother me that much but just makes me wonder. And she's obviously still on FB as I see her option to friend pop up in suggestions.

                    Idk BD, people are crazy sometimes. Never know why they do what they do.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                      Never know why they do what they do.
                      agree

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                      • #12
                        Wow women really do go through so much more drama than men. I don't think this would be an issue with us guys.

                        I was supposed to hang out with a buddy of mine in Detroit this memorial day weekend...but I had a family emergency and he asked me cut the trip short by a day and half because he has a new girl coming over. Due to the chaos, I just cancelled it alltogether. No drama, no mess.

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                        • #13
                          I can empathize a little - to the extent that men have empathy! I had a guy working for me some years ago, great guy, but younger and he needed a little guidance. It never was an issue, though, I left that company after 10 years, and now almost 30 years later we're still good friends.
                          Dont know that this helps you any, but I'd wait it out.

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                          • #14
                            A-dub there are some men I've known over the years that are more drama-filled than the worst women I've known. Tho' I do think in general women are more like to be involved in the confusion.

                            Any thoughts on why that is?

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                            • #15
                              I don't know why it is, but there are some people who just seem to crave drama, and will create it where it doesn't exist.
                              ​​​

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