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should i be concerned or leave? was i used?

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  • should i be concerned or leave? was i used?

    I'm 34 f and he's 42 m
    This person that I've been friends with for about a year has been distancing themselves and blocked me for no reason at all. Was I used from the beginning or is he bipolar or something?
    This person and I first met about a year ago and exchanged phone numbers and communicated non-stop daily. We hung out often. I was complimented and praised by him often for being a good friend. When we first started talking, he was concerned if we missed a day or two of communication and contacted me. Now he can go weeks without contacting me..using the excuse of being busy when I addressed him about the situation. He also tells me now that he doesn't have to talk to me every single day..but yet, in the beginning, we talked and texted daily nonstop. He tells me that he doesn't speak to anyone often, but yet I see him constantly on his phone. I've been asking to hang out with him as we use to since October..all he does is make excuses about not being able to because he's super busy, but yet I see him on Facebook going to parties and bars constantly with others. Just last week, I went from a "**** good friend" to being blocked in days. I've treated him like a friend all along nothing more, We had just hung out the day before, and he told me he had a great time and I was a **** good friend. even called me to say goodnight, and told me that he was glad that we were friends and met ... the next day all of this happened.. I am ..just confused.. on some forums, I've posted on people were suggesting that maybe he was bipolar or something.. we live close by, so we often run into each other often.. I ran into him and asked him about that, and he told me there was no one that he was seeing.. literally in a day..smh.. He tells me that he's doing better in life and is leaving all the negativity behind when I confronted him yesterday. He has never told me during the course of our friendship that I was negative ever. On Saturday he told me that I was a **** good friend, now I'm blocked and he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Was I being used all along?




    I’ve run into him quite often since living soo close by, and he tells me that we’ll talk about it like( we’ve always done over breakfast ) but yet we haven’t had that talk yet… it’s been 3 weeks since he has told me that.. every time I see him he tells me that… I haven’t received any phone call/ text, letter, knock on the door yet.
    I've treated him like a friend all along nothing more, We had just hung out the day before, and he told me he had a great time and I was a **** good friend. even called me to say goodnight, and told me that he was glad that we were friends and met ... the next day all of this happened.. I am ..just confused.. on some forums, I've posted on people were suggesting that maybe he was bipolar or something.. we live close by, so we often run into each other often.. I ran into him and asked him about that, and he told me there was no one that he was seeing.. literally in a day..smh

  • I don't have an idea what is going on with him, just that it sounds like he is no longer interested in being close. Maybe he is worried that things will progress too much from being friends.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • It sounds as if he may have a new interest and is keeping his contact to you at a minimum to placate his new interest???? By asking such personal questions such as "are you bi-polar" you may be overstepping his boundaries. If he is dealing with "inner demons" you might be the last person to know. Leave him alone for a while, sit back, observe, and let him come to you, as a friend, or confident, it really is up to him.

      Comment


      • Bipolar disorder is far more complex than this.

        It seems to me that Claret is likely right.

        I know you said you were never anything more than friends, but I gotta ask ya girl, are you being honest with yourself? Is this truly someone you had purely platonic feelings for or did you have a secret longing that someday you'd be more?

        Having the discussion of "you're not contacting me as much anymore" etc just doesn't seem like platonic friendship to me. Are you being a bit pushy with him / over the top with your need to talk to him and be with him? If you think that may be the case, then perhaps he just felt put off by it. Maybe he truly did only see you as a friend and sees your behavior as a bit much for someone he's just friends with?

        A friend of mine just experienced something similar. The guy enjoyed talking to her but made it clear he wasn't interested in more. Her feelings did not agree and she began getting super clingy and acting like she was his girlfriend. Eventually, he blocked her. I suspect she was blowing up his phone and social media.

        Either way, I'm sorry you're hurt by it. We're not here to judge you, so please feel that you can be totally honest with your feelings.
        "Be what you're looking for."

        Comment


        • I agree with the above. Whether you intended to or not, I think you probably had expectations of him and the relationship that made him uncomfortable. He senses your intentions, whether you were straight about it or not.

          What you say here is that you're knowing what he's doing, following his online presence...why? I don't keep tabs on my friends activities, online or otherwise. Are you sure you didn't want more than friendship?
          Chill. Leave him alone and stop concerning yourself with his business. Do your own thing. He may come around, he may not. He has sent a pretty clear message that he needs his space from you.

          Comment


          • Maybe he has anxiety around people who know him, so he pushes them away and secretly hope they'll agree to stay friends with him in spite of this? I can't read his mind, but he could just be a person afraid of getting emotionally close to someone, so he pushes that someone - you - away. That would be my guess. But even though this could be the case, you still deserve someone who makes that effort. I think you're in a losing battle: he is as he is and no amount of guessing his reasons will fix the friendship/relationship. I doubt he is right for you,. As hard as it'll be, I think you need to cut your losses and move on.

            Comment


            • I have to second Beautiful Disaster's post. Again, I can't say what he's thinking, but you've got to hold back and give him space. When he wants to know you more, he'll let you know. Still, it is upsetting to you.

              I wish there was more I could advise, but you'll have to go on his signal.

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