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In need of support and guidance

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  • In need of support and guidance

    Hello ladies,

    I feel a bit cliche posting about this but my boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago out of nowhere and it has left me reeling and almost devastated and I am not quite sure why it is hitting me quite so hard.. We had only been together 7 months and had not gotten to I love you yet. It was my first serious relationship that i was excited about since my divorce 3 years ago. I keep crying and i just want to get past this part. I also have been taking an honest look and maybe we were both just really comfortable and playing house. I feel because of what he told me that he may have just rwalized he wasnt in love or falling in love with me at this point. He said he just feels so anxious about everything in his life and anxious about us and its not that he does not have feelings for me he just doesnt know why he cant see me in his future...he made sure to tell me it wasnt anything id done..lol anyways just some girl support would do me so good right now.

  • Break-ups are tough. No doubt. I'm sorry you're going through it right now. Sounds like he just decided it wasn't the best thing for him. Unfortunately that leaves you feeling rejected and pretty rotten.

    I'm currently in the longest relationship since my divorce-about 9 months. I put myself in your place as I read your post. I'm not sure how I'd respond if he told me he was done, at this point. It would be unexpected and shocking for me as well. I always remind myself that the dating phase is about getting to know each other. It's learning whether this person is the one you wanna go the distance with, or not. It's to learn whether you're compatible, complimentary personalities.

    So, when you're feeling really down about this, try to remember that this relationship wasn't a good fit for him. It has less to do with you, he's just looking for something else. And taking that a step further, he figured that out rather quickly, so, it saved you a lot of invested time that you can now heal, recover and move on to something that may be more meaningful for you.

    And as to your comment about playing house...try to take things very slow in new relationships. Moving too quickly is just, almost never a positive step.
    Many hugs, Hon...sorry you're hurting.


    • I agree with atskitty2, you were still in the finding yourself stage following your divorce when you started redefining yourself in this new relationship. I think you should have perhaps, taken more time to get to know him. It's strange what we tell ourselves about who and what we are when we are in a new relationship. We overlook all kinds of things that would normally have us grinding our teeth were we not so in search of someone to make us feel wanted, protected and loved (liked). Figure out what gap in your life you wanted him to fill. Was he the best person to meet those needs? I would look for a person that would never say "I love you but," Look for someone that wants to be in your life and loves you for you. Take your time, it will happen.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.


      • Thank you ladies for writing a reply..sometimes its just good to get it all out and to complete strangers.


        • I don't have much to add that kitty and claret haven't already said. And I totally agree that sometimes, a girl just needs to vent it all out.

          Feelings of rejection are some of the absolute hardest to deal with. Even if it's for our own good and down the road we are THANKFUL we were let go, it still takes a long time not to take it really personally and be very hurt by it. I have spent many a sad song sobbing over relationships with men that I later found out didn't deserve me at all and often times, weren't even who I thought they were.

          Just know that you are in this season for a reason and every relationship will have a different purpose in your life. It sounds like now it's time to rediscover YOU. The single, whole by herself, you.
          "Be what you're looking for."


          • Being rejected does hurt, I've no doubt about that. I have been in your situation too, and know the feelings. I have found though, that is more of how being rejected reflects on me than the end of the actual relationship. Because I have survived your situation. I have found that I want the person to go on with their life and find someone who is right for him. Because I realize now I was the wrong person for him and now feel glad - and hope - he has found someone special, whom he can spend the rest of his life with. Of course I am glad to have met him and spent time with him, but looking back I see we didn't belong together.

            I think you'll find the same. When you're with someone new, you'll relate to this. Because now you're free to find a person who ticks all the boxes and whom you will have a much deeper connection with.

            Don't lose hope or your potential for love. You're now able to go out into the world and meet that special someone.


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