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Is it just me or do we all have one???

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  • Is it just me or do we all have one???

    I have a very good friend, funny, gregarious, giving, loving, adventurous and all around good person. However, there is always a however, when we get together as couples, she and her husband, me and my husband, I finish the evening thinking "I just sat through 4 hours of their life". It's hard to contribute to any conversation as soon as we're given a chance to interject - - it's hijacked once again and we sit mute while they tell their story. Normally, I just let it slide but sometimes I have some important information to add to a conversation and never get a chance to relate it. GRRRRR, finished - - just my ***** for the day.

    Any suggestions as to how I can get to be part of the conversation?? I'm open to any and all suggestions.
    That which we forget may as well never really happened.

  • Ugh. I can certainly relate. And it is SO frustrating.

    I tell myself that this happens to me because people know I'm a good listener. But I end up feeling like the friendship or relationship is very one-sided and I eventually grow resentful of that.

    I don't know how to fix it. I've tried a few different things: interrupting nonchalantly, interrupting blatantly, acting uninterested and putoff, totally ignoring, etc. Honestly? None of it has ever worked. I think there are people that are so into talking about themselves that they really don't even care if you're listening. And as SOON as you say ANYTHING that sparks any sort of memory for them they instantly interrupt and totally derail the conversation.

    Is your friend like that when it's just you and her? Or just when it's the two of them? Are they drinking when this happens?
    "Be what you're looking for."


    • She and her husband both. Her DH will hold my husband's ear and I'm left listening to my friend. I would mind if she would only take a deep breath once in a while and let someone else add to the conversation.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.


      • She and her husband both. Her DH will hold my husband's ear and I'm left listening to my friend. I would mind if she would only take a deep breath once in a while and let someone else add to the conversation.
        That which we forget may as well never really happened.


        • Does she do it when it is just you and her alone?
          "Be what you're looking for."


          • That's annoying and frustrating. I suppose you could be direct and say something like "I just want to offer my thoughts on this" or somesuch sentence. Basically, tell them you have an opinion and want to contribute to the conversation. If they don't get your hints, then I'd stop seeing them when they're together. Just see your friend when she's alone. Obvious, but I wouldn't put myself through the torture of having 4 hours of someone's drivel. Say you're busy when invited and just stick to your friend alone.


            • Some people are oblivious to their conduct. I have labeled such one sided conversations as filibustering after the procedure in the US Senate of the same name. I consider it being rude to not allow a fairly even two way conversation. As such, I wouldn't see it as rude to just walk away from such a one sided lecture. If you need an excuse, purposely leave something in the oven and post a picture of it on social media afterwards. When I was subject to such abuse at work, I would interrupt to try to get a two way conversation. It's basically used by people who think you are less than them.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


              • You've got the right approach, jns. Sometimes - as Ashlee T. has said - nothing works. In that instance, walking away is best. It isn't rude: because they're the ones being rude. No one should suffer such a person gladly.

                Walking away is sometimes best.


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