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Devastated and feeling ugly.

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  • Devastated and feeling ugly.

    Hi, I have always had low self confidence. As a child, I was called ugly all the time. Then I grew up, and in high school, all guys I liked rejected me for prettier girls... all my friends were prettier, and had boys liking them. And I was taller and heavier than them, so yeah. I lost weight, but it's mostly my hair, face and small breasts that upset me. And there are girls who have EVERYTHING, and on top of it complain about being "too pretty"... that being too pretty is bad, because men only like you for one thing, etc. Well, it's like hearing a rich person complain about having too much money! I bet these pretty girls would not ugly down if they had the chance, even if they complain about being beautiful all the time. Makes me sick when they do!

    I had a boyfriend. He had issues with my past, which in turn had somewhat of an impact on my self esteem. He never called me ugly, but I just started losing my self confidence. It got to the point where I'd hate and get anxious that he'd watch porn, or feel incredibly uncomfortable when we went out socially, because pretty, sexy girls are always flaunting it, wearing revealing clothes, looking pretty. So I'd compare myself, and of course I felt bad (fell, actually). It got to a point where he got sick of my insecurities and that I'd feel jealous and especially that I'd get jealous of something so "meaningless" as porn, like he said. So he left me last night. He said that to make it definitive, he'll look for a new girl. Not to be in a relationship with her, but to have someone to actually have fun with, because he was tired of my anxiety always ruining everything. He says he wants a girl he can have fun with. That I never made enough effort to change.

    But I even went to therapy, talked about all my self confidence issues, and it didn't work. I just feel ugly, and I can't accept that I got hit by the ugly stick at birth, I just don't feel like I should be ugly! People are shallow. Men are shallow. They have always rejected me because I'm not beautiful enough... and make up, getting a hair cut or losing weight does nothing. I still have ugly eyes, I still have sparse hair, I still have small breasts. I'm just not beautiful, and I want to be so badly.

    I felt very insecure because once we talked about it, honestly, and he told me that his preference was for thin girls, with big breasts, and of course girly faces. Think Monica Bellucci, Scarlett Johansson. And a lot of women wear skimpy outfits when we're out, and I know he looks. He doesn't ogle when he's with me, but when his with friends (who're all perverts, anyway), he must look and probably gets turned on because of what these girls wear. Before we started dating, he told me that one of his and his friends' past times was to ogle girls... then he told me when we were dating that he didn't ogle anymore (yeah right, if he did it before he obviously still did it!).

    I hate it, because even if it's the inside that matters, I've been proven MANY times that if the outside isn't pretty enough, then the inside won't outshine an ugly face, no matter how great the personality! Trust me, beautiful people have it easier when it comes to love. Even the ones with dull personalities.

    I don't know what to do. I just can't love or accept my appearance, and there's nothing short of surgery to help, and even a lot of surgery wouldn't help it... especially my mind, because I hate being fake, or a "false advertiser". There are naturally attractive people, he's one of them, so why can't I be one? It's unfair... plus, with the break up I feel even uglier, duller, stupid, etc. And thinking that he'll be in the hunt for a new girl "not to be serious, but to only have fun with" makes me feel even worse, because obviously then personality won't matter much, it'll be about looks.

    I wish I could just not crave love, or relationships, I wish I could stay single, never want kids or never want getting married and just not care about men, not care about love, not care about relationships. But sadly I'm ugly but I have the same wiring that every other woman!

  • This is something I can definatly understand, at times I feel the same way, though not as intensely as you seem to feel. I thought I would share my thoughts: Who is it that defined 'ugly'? Honestly though you may feel that way, there is someone out there who disagrees. So you may not be the prettiest, and I am always jealous of those with the pretty petite frames, but there is plenty of guys or girls, people, who look at you and see something beautiful. It's important to remember that though your ex-boyfriend (who sounds like the typical young guy, who expects a perfect 10 with a personality, which rarely happens, so let his sorry butt keep searching -- good luck to him, cause it wont happen easily) has his priorities all out of whack, there are lots of people out there who have things together. Look at yourself find 3 things about you physically that you like, not LOVE, like. Just keep those things in your head. I hope I helped and made a little sense!


    • I feel like that most of the time....I also feel other women have it wayyy better than me. I feel totally ugly and I really hate myself to be honest.

      but hang in there,you're not alone...Sometimes you gotta learn how to try and love yourself despite how dumb and superficial people seem. I know it really really Hurts....it makes me mad when I see girls who seem to have it better than me,have boyfriends,look like a 'supermodel'.......but then again NOBODY is perfect. I accept people who seem to have it better are also hurting on some level.

      Another thing..... as cliche as this may sound....Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. By saying that I feel there's not one person who does'nt possess something beautiful about themselves.

      I bet you're really beautiful actually....just the way you express yourself is just totally beautiful and sincere. People are just alot of times dumb and mean....most times they're totally missing out. I mean there's like over 6 billion people on the planet,you gotta think at least a dozen guys out there are going to think you're totally hot. Some people might have all these 'perfect' physical attributes but deep down they're shallow and ugly really. Beauty comes from within the heart....
      Last edited by acerousme; 08-14-2009, 01:36 AM. Reason: merging posts


      • You are probably hearing alot of people saying 'I know how you feel', and I am definitely one of them. I have always been an ugly girl. A few things that happened to me when I was younger always confirm this for me and I feel like a knife is entering my gut when I think about it. When I was in primary school, other kids would ask my (cute) sister if I was a boy or a girl. This question was often asked because we changed schools alot. My brother and dad used to jokingly call me ugly, I think they thought it didn't hurt my feelings coz I would say something back to them and I was a bit of a tomboy so I always played the cool kid and nothing ever bothered me, but I guess all those thing did bother me as soon as I hit my teens and I realised, wow I am not attractive. And there have always been people out there who just like pointing it out to me over the years, so that's how I became vey defensive, before they could tell me I'm ugly, I'll let them know that I already know. Doing that for along time has caused me very deep emotional problems that I don't think I will ever shake.
        I am with a great guy who calls me beautiful and I sometimes believe him and sometimes I think he is crazy. I would get upset about the porn issue aswell, but he would get upset at me like it wasn't a legitimate problem in a relationship, and that i would be hard pressed finding a guy who didn't look at porn. Maybe so but I thought he was one of the special ones. The ones that were hard to find. The thing is I actually enjoy porn if it's experienced with him. Anyhow the bit where you say you are wired like any other women, I so get that, I have the same feelings and emotions and wants and needs. But being ugly I don't seem to convey that in the way other women could. You know one bit of advice for you would be to immediately get over this ex of yours. Let him live his shallow existence. The way you write tells me that you are an intelligent thought provoking young lady and if I can find a great guy like the one I have, you can to but don't think that it will define you or complete you. Let it happen. I am still self conscious and don't have the highest self esteem, but as I have gotten older I've come to realise life is way to short to dwell on our shortcomings, I'm guessing you are physically healthy, life could be alot worse. Explore therapy discuss surgery, maybe you have come to a point where surgery may be the only option for you to be happy. But discuss all options with different doctors. I thought about surgery but it does seem a bit drastic. I have my dad's nose and chin, how can I take that away. I hope you can be happy. Good Luck


        • Sweety this is what you need to understand...its all about your attitude! If you feel ugly you will ofcourse look ugly because that IS what's inside of you...if you feel beautiful you will look beautiful because that's what is inside of you. Let me tell you this I'm a big girl and have been all my life one of my close girl friends is pretty but she is about ....280-310 somewhere between there she gets PLAY which means she walks into a room and lights it up..why because of her attitude and her confidence. Somewhere along the line she just woke up and decided to be the best woman she could be and point blank "F" the world! It's not about what anyone else thinks..its what you think about yourself!

          Now I understand that if you have heard you were ugly all your life etc that it's hard to grasp that concept..if I knew you I would show you pictures of some of the girls that personally I do not find attractive who get hit on all the time!

          Here are some suggestions that helped me...(because i'm still big and at times feel really akward and out of place on some days yes I even feel ugly)

          Find a good beautician and find what works for you...its amazing what a good hair style and some nice natural colors (facial) will do for you..personally I don't wear makeup only eye shadow but I know a lot of women who do and love it

          Work out! The more you love your body and the better you treat your body the better your body will treat you! For instance (before my accident) I loved my booty! I still love it, its just a little damaged now..but I loved it. I would just look at it for hours I also have smaller breast but they have bras that can assist and work outs that will help lift and tone it. **if you still not happy fake boob it! you would be surprised how many women do that because they feel to small** My girlfriend from college went from an A cup to a C cup and her self esteem went through the roof. She was able to make payments like boobs on lay-away or something

          How is your fashion sense? Dare to be different! Find something you like that fits your body style! Just because you put on a tube top that was fit for a 12yr old doesn't mean it looks good on you You do not have to show your boobs you can be classy about yourself! I like classy but at times I show my girls off (I have a c cup size..love em!)

          You have to be able to walk into a room and literally not give a flying ****zz about anybody else but you! Yes the world revovles around me! Yes my farts smell like flowers! Yes you are blessed to be in my presence because i'm me and deal with it...if not F you and the high horse you attempted to ride in on but you will be walking back attitude! Why...because you ARE beautiful! You are a good person!
          Do not let others dictate your happieness which is what has been happening!

          I'm here for you baby girl!
          [FONT="Book Antiqua"]Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am[/FONT];)


          • I can relate Sooo much :/


            • Joyce, Find a stylist that will work with you. Every seen that show "What not to wear"?
              There have been some ugly ducks on that show that turned out to be graceful Swans, they just didn't know how to do it. The new look helped their concidence, the confidence helped their attitude.
              When you feel ugly you want to be invisible which usually means dressing down, not carrying yourself with confidence and trying to blend in like a wallflower.
              Chin up, head high and go into a department store that has an on staff stylist. Try several if need be but find one.


              • Double post ???


                • Originally posted by caster View Post
                  Joyce, Find a stylist that will work with you. Every seen that show "What not to wear"?
                  There have been some ugly ducks on that show that turned out to be graceful Swans, they just didn't know how to do it. The new look helped their concidence, the confidence helped their attitude.
                  When you feel ugly you want to be invisible which usually means dressing down, not carrying yourself with confidence and trying to blend in like a wallflower.
                  Chin up, head high and go into a department store that has an on staff stylist. Try several if need be but find one.
                  I agree with this.

                  It's unbelievable just what something simple like a hairstyle can do for someone.
                  Pigeonholer extraordinaire!


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