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I need help! NOW!

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  • I need help! NOW!

    Ok so here's the deal. I am pretty happy with my life so far. I'm 23 and I go to school, I have a good boyfriend etc. The only problem I have is my family fights all the time but it's got nothing to do with me. Anyways, I have always had some OCD behavior even though I have never been diagnosed (my brother has been diagnosed with a really bad OCD case). But last year, I started feeling really anxious around balconies and windows (btw, I live on the 10th floor). I got over it after christmas holidays but this week it's back. I feel like I should jump, like I wanna know what it is like and stuff. I am not depressed and I don't want to kill myself. I just feel strange urges to jump. I am rational enough to control myself and to know that if I jump I WILL DIE and that's not at all what I want. I want to live!
    However, I'm scared that someday I might lose control or act irrationally and jump. I mean, that someday I won't think. And this scared the out of me.
    I think it might go away again but I freak out and like two nights ago I seriously panicked.
    Oh and it's not only me. I also freak out when there's anyone standing on my balcony cause I think they might fall.
    Please help me, I want to know if anyone else has felt this way or anything, just anything would help.
    Again, I am not suicidal, I am obsessed with this thing that if u ask me is ridiculous but it has managed to give me a really hard time.
    Sorry I went on too long!

  • You didn't go on too long. This sounds like something you need to talk with a professional about.


    • these things usually worsen with stress and it is horrible to have those constant horrible thoughts wearing a grove in your brain (well thats what it feels like) you would be best to see a doctor and seek their advice. its certainly not ridiculous and you didnt go on for too long, dont be embarassed a doctor will have seen it all before!
      take care.


      • You're right, they do get worse with stress. Just now I need to hand in the first draft of my thesis project.


        • What can you do to lessen your anxiety about that? Can you get yourself organized and do you have a plan to follow? I find when I'm stressed about doing something it helps to have a check list. It keeps me focused and from getting sidetracked and it feels good to be able to mark something off the list. That may give you more of a sense of being in control of the work.


          • Yeah I do that. I am VERY organized when it comes to school... obsessive even.. so yeah.. i mean I am very stressed cause there's a lot going on in my family right now. I guess that is probably why the thing is back. It has calmed me down to let it all out. I guess I do need to get therapy hahaha


            • I think you have way too much going on in your mind, obsessed with school, probably with the neatness of your room, handling stress with family, probably don't sleep a nice sound sleep.

              Sometimes people "dream" things like you are talking, it's called "escape", a way to rid of all this stress and it can push you over the edge, where your brain starts to play tricks with you, when really it's telling you "enough"...

              You need to put things into boxes... School finishes here, the cleaning of your room finishes there, and something nice happens here, in-otherwords, you need to relax your mind, take 20 minutes out a day to meditate, close your eyes and see the beauty of a white rabbit running across a green field with beautiful yellow flowers everywhere.. for instance.... rest the mind...

              Take time out say 10 minutes a day, to walk around the neighbourhood (if it's safe) and take time out to not think, but only to see the surrounds.

              I think if you start adding a few things into your life that gives your brain a break you will not see what your seeing.

              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


              • I know how you feel.I felt the same way at one point in my life about 14 after my grandma died it all started while i was on vacation. I had thoughts just like yours losing control worried of dying or trying to jump out a window i was also afraid of knives and scissors. I mean i know i was too scared to actually do that stuff but just thought in my head "what if I..." I finally was placed on few medicines before I found paxil. I started on Effexor at about 16. At first it was for depression then it was for general anxiety. Now I have been taking efferxor for 8 years. I don't have those tempting scary thoughts like I used to but. I do worry obsessively about things like I am unable to let worries go the what ifs stuff like that. DO you have a history of anxiety or depression or mental health in your family? If you then I'd suggest you'd get seen right away. If you don't have those things and just feel overwhelmed then maybe just seeing a counselor or therapist. But serouisly those thought aren't healthy. Doesn't matter if you act on them or not.
                Life's a dance you learn as you go


                • I do have a lot on my plate... sometimes I wish I could go somewhere where I could just sit under a tree and read a book and be happy for a while... I live a crazy life... busy I mean.. I live in a big city, I deal with traffic, I deal with family issues, I am studying a finance related career etc etc etc...
                  And.... I do have a very big history of depression and OCD in my family. My mum was pretty sick (depressed) when I was about 14 and my brother has a very bad OCD problem.
                  I have tried to relax and put stuff away but it gets hard when you live in a house with 4 other people who are always at something.
                  What the last person described.. that's exactly how I feel.. the "what if..." is what makes me feel like . It's not like I want to end it or anything cause seriously... that's not what I want, but I am obsessing with it.
                  I guess I should get help.
                  Oh, and it gets worse at night. I usually feel much much better in the mornings and in the afternoon but at night I start feeling very very anxious. Like yesterday, I had a hard time before going to bed cause I was tired but couldn't go to sleep. Today I woke up feeling pretty down but I took my dog for a walk and I calmed down.
                  It has helped me to talk about it on this forum...thank you all


                  • mariaguzman86, not to be judgemental but you sound like a person who gives out a lot, you are hard on yourself and try to be as perfect as possible. this creates anxiety, you says it helps a lot to talk on the forum, but could you see a counsellor at your school or a gp. i dont like to think of you suffering unneccessarily when treatment could help so much. good luck, i hope you get what you need. if you dont feel comfortable talking to someone (and honestly sweetie they have heard it all before) i am thinking you could try yoga or even listening daily to a relaxation cd, to try to train yourself to relax.


                    • a friend of mine has bad ocd.
                      meds are the only thing that helped her gain enough control over it to have CBT and things like that
                      is that an option for you?
                      get some professional help, these things can spiral pretty quickly.
                      'so why care for these petty obsessions? your designer heart still beats with common blood. and what if you could have genetic perfection? would you change who you are if you could?'


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