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  • Hiv/aids

    Am HIV Positive dealing with it for about 10years now, with no ARV(Drugs) just eating health(kinda proud of my self) i had my child 2years ago. i meet a new guy and i have a problem, i dont know how to tell him this, i notice people tend to judge and discriminate when u have this illness.. i really like him and he's very supportive toward my child after her father left me claiming that am loose.. how do i mention this to my new guy.
    "Love like an Angel & Make love like the devil"

  • Hello Poschia,
    I can only imagine how difficult your position must be. While I can not really place myself in your shoes or tell you specifically how I would handle it, since I have never had to handle anything similar, I can speak to you from the prospecitive of someone who has been in a similar situation as the guy you are referring to. If I were him I would want to know now. I totally understand why you would not want to tell someone this up front, they may not even try to get to know you... however I think that if you feel he has gotten to know you as a person then it is definitely time for him to be told about your illness. If he has been given the chance to get to know you then he can now make an informed decision on whether he feels whatever it is the two of you have is something he wants to hold on to, or if he feels he can not handle the illness.

    I wish you the best, just be honest and be you.


    • Straight up, honest and direct.

      That's how I would tell someone.


      • Porschia, I think you owe it to yourself, your child and this new man in your life to tell him as soon as possible and before any of you invest any more time and emotions into this relationship. I only say this because if he is not going to stay around then you need to know up front and in order to protect your child from having invest in a man that won't be staying near her if his reaction is bad.

        How well do you know this man? How long have you been seeing him? What type of person is he? Have you had deep discussion on issue previously so you could judge how to approach this issue? What do you think his reaction will be?

        It'll take every bit of strength of your fiber to tell him this, but you've been battling a bigger war for 10 years so it would appear you are a strong person. When you do tell him, have some literature available for him to read about HIV and Aids or maybe even have a phone number available for him to call for information.. This may be a lot for him to take in, but if you can provide him with facts then he won't base his decision on fiction or outdated information.
        That which we forget may as well never really happened.


        • As hard as it will be, you have to be upfront with your new guy. If he leaves, so be it, he was not the one. Best of luck on this.

          When going between houses in rural Cambodia, a whole gaggle of little kids went with me. I started lifting them by their hands and swinging them as we walked, which was a big hit. One of them was a shy little girl who waited her turn and seemed to enjoy the attention. I was later told she has HIV as do her parents. I was told it was spread by her biting her parents. Sometimes things like this break your heart. NGOs have been making ARVs available at low cost or free and may be turning things around.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


          • thanx for all y'all replies, this is a very hard thing to do, but when i put myself in his shoes i'd also want to know.. am afraid of rejection but i guess it's part of life, that's how we learn and grow
            "Love like an Angel & Make love like the devil"


            • You will need to let him know, HIV/AIDS is a very brutal virus and does spread very easily. Some people will be freaked out, you know that everyone knows that, however there are some people that accept that it must be accepted. Once you have the virus it is not going anywhere, it would be far better to show that you are one of the brave ones that will be honest about what you have. It shows that you are concerned about his well being, knowing that you do not want to keep it a secret. I think that speaks volumes about how strong you are, because there are people who will keep it a secretive condition.
              There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.


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