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Oh boy, oh boy.

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  • Oh boy, oh boy.

    Pardon me for my age says I'm 18, when I'm only 17. But, I am emancipated and have alot of problems.

    My dad died on Valentine's Day of 2006. It was horrible. I had to be my mom's rock. My brother abandoned us (he hates my mother for some reason) and our family fell apart.

    In late '08, my mom started dating this guy she'd known for a long, long time.
    He's been an alcoholic for almost fifty years. Well, she married him in 2010. He beats her, and has hit me...

    I live with my fiance, pay for all my own stuff, and am perfectly capable of doing so. I'm not into teenage things, movies, boys, blah blah... I don't do drugs, drink, smoke...nothing. I am very smart and strong-willed.

    But, my uncle died recently... and he was just like another dad to me. (Even though he was hooked on morphine, oxy, and had past experiences with other drugs) I loved him and EVERYONE called him uncle jon. Even people that just met him, because he was so awesome!

    I was also molested as a child, and early '09 the man the used to molest me tried to do it again. I kicked the **hit out of him.

    Anyway, that added more stress and anxiety.

    I have been diagnosed with high anxiety, and severe depression...
    But I think I have depersonalization and derealization. Definitely not as bad as it used to be, though.

    My anxiety is bad.

    When I have an attack, you don't want to be around me. I get stiff, can't talk, feel anything, move, I go numb... it sucks! I think I'm dying (even though I know I'm not)

    I take 1mg clonazepam once a day. It levels out my anxiety, unless something irregular happens during my day and then I have to take a half of one. I'm very stingy about pills.
    I won't take more than three ibuprofen a day. I won't touch anything else.

    Clonazepam, and ibuprofen is it. I'm scared of everything else. My mom's side of the family is hooked on pain killers. That's why.

    If I have a fever, I think I'm dying :P If I have a yeast infection, I'm dying. Haha. I think about it, and it's funny... but I get like that. I'm a super hypochondriac. Bad! Alot is wrong in my head, but I know I'm not crazy. I'm slowly but surely fixing myself.

    But anyway - this was just to inform you about how horrible anxiety can be. It can take a huge toll on your daily life...

    Now, my life isn't perfect but I wouldn't change anything! I've tried to be healthier, and happier, and I'm engaged, and have my own place...I have 5 beautiful babies. Smokey, Lotus, Aldous, Oreo and Jaymo. My cats! They keep me sane, as well! Haha. Three of them are kittens, and the people that were going to adopt them ended up flakin out on us. get this, they called the kittens retarded because they were still nursing! Anyway - I'm gettin' there. I'm proud of myself. It's hard, though. If I get down, all I do is look at my family. My kitties, my nieces and nephews, my fiance, and my momma. I do have it good, and nothing is wrong. I tell myself that, its true, I just have to believe it...

    That's mostly it!

    living life, loving life, and most of all, trying to stay alive!

  • You have every right to be proud of yourself!!! It sounds like you've had a rough go of things the last few years. You have a good support network it seems and obviously a fiance who loves and cares for you very much.

    The important thing is you know your behaviors and are making an effort to make your life, your emotions, better. Good job!!! Many times it is hard to recognize our issues and problems, even harder to fix them.

    Welcome to the forum!


    • thank you! That means alot. He does care about me. I can't go to the Dr without him worrying about me every single second. I love it.


      living life, loving life, and most of all, trying to stay alive!


      • Hi twizzle,

        Thanks for sharing your story in what has been a long battle of tragedy and upset, and for that i'm very sorry.

        Sometimes life takes us through many bad obstacles and paths in order to learn and appreciate the good, but also more importantly to understand the more important aspects of everyday life.

        Try your best and give your absolute utmost resolution to power over these problems with any help that is available out there, whether that be support groups or indeed WH .... get that self-belief and confidence back to live the life that you want.

        Use the past as an experience curb for whatever reason and try not to feel victimised. You are now at a place where only a few are and that is not always a bad thing. Make a list of what your advantages and disadvantages you feel are about yourself and set personal goals to overcome the disadvantages....

        It is amazing how the mind can create and remove problems.

        I wish you well and pleaseeeeee give those kitties a stroke from me!
        I am going to tell you what you don't want to hear!
        Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't


        • Aww, thanks! And I will

          The kitties say hello!

          living life, loving life, and most of all, trying to stay alive!


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